A mighty stupid thing I read

from headline in google news' health section from the Independent News:

From tiny twins a mighty charity grew
By Thair Shaikh
Published: 28 December 2005

They were two of thousands of babies born prematurely last year. Yet the story of the twins who weighed less than a bag of sugar each has inspired global interest and launched a multi-million pound fundraising appeal.

I weigh less than a bag of sugar. If it is a bag of sugar that weighs more than me. What a stupid comparison. Poorly written. This kind of stupid writing makes me so angry! Why? Why can't I just laugh and say, "stupid sloppy writing." Why do I have to get so angry! Is it just me or is this the dumbest thing you've read today? Aside from this blog, of course. Ha ha ha, smartypants.

Bernard Pivot's 10 questions

Just so this is done when I do go inside the actor's studio. I hate people who procrastinate. Or people who don't think ahead before he asks these because they want to be spontaneous. Those are the worstest.

01. What is your favorite word?

I do like to say "totally" a lot but my favorite word for how it sounds is Vivacious because it is like vicious and vibrant which are also good words. And one of my favorite words for what it means is ennui.

02. What is your least favorite word?

don't have one. Maybe "sweetie"

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

anticipation

04. What turns you off?

disappointment

05. What is your favorite curse word?

dickslop

06. What sound or noise do you love?

white noise and/or harmony

07. What sound or noise do you hate?

whining dogs and/or paper shredders

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Singer/songwriter

09. What profession would you not like to do?

anything requiring me to wear a beeper.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Heaven, like life, is what you make of it. Only more literally.

Tonight on Inside the Actor's Studio.

When James Lipton asks me what sound or noise do I hate, I'm totally going to say the sound of a whining dog. Shut up you whining dog! I hate that sound!!

Backpedalling on the old Yule Log.

So my dad told me this morning that he can't read my blog anymore if I keep talking about having a penis and other such subjects. The filthiest most obscene, racist, sexist homophobic asshole in the world, my father, was apparently offended by my crudeness. So today he took my brother, nephew, and myself all out to see The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.

I gotta tell you, I have a Christian in my heart somewhere just longing to get out because when that lion died for the sins of that child of Adam I just about was born again. But then he came back to life! What a gyp! What kind of sacrifice is that? Yeah, Jesus died for my sins. But then he came back to life like three days later. I'd die for anyone's sins if it meant a three day vacation away from turn of the millennium day Jerusalem where people were trying to kill me and if I knew I would just be coming back again. Thanks a lot, Jesus. I really owe you one. Here, take my toenail clippings. They'll grow back in three days. You know what is a better allegory for Jesus dying on the cross for my sins? The story of brer rabbit.

"I don't care what you do with me, Brer Fox, says he, "Just so you don't fling me in that briar patch. Roast me, Brer Fox, says he, "But don't fling me in that briar patch."

"It's so much trouble to kindle a fire," says Brer Fox, says he, "that I expect I'd better hang you," says he.

"Hang me just as high as you please, Brer Fox, says Brer Rabbit, says he, "but for the Lord's sake, don't fling me in that briar patch," says he.

"I don't have any string, " says Brer Fox, says he, "Now I expect I had better drown you, " says he.

"Drown me just as deep as you please, Brer Fox," says Brer Rabbit, says he, "But please do not fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

"There's no water near here," says Brer Fox, says he, "And now I reckon I'd better skin you," says he.

"Skin me Brer Fox," says he. "Snatch out my eyeballs, tear out my ears by the roots," says he, "But please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

Of course, Brer Fox wanted to get Brer Rabbit as bad as he could, so he caught him by the behind legs and slung him right in the middle of the briar patch. There was a considerable flutter when Brer Rabbit struck the bushes, and Brer Fox hung around to see what was going to happen.

By and by he heard someone call his name and 'way up on the hill he saw Brer Rabbit sitting cross-legged on a chinquapin log. Then Brer Fox knew he had been tricked.

Brer Rabbit hollered out, "Born and bred in the briar patch. I was born and bred in the briar patch!" And with that he skipped out just as lively as a cricket in the embers of a fire.

See? Brer Rabbit was all prepared to get tossed in the briar patch (for my sins) but it was all just a trick!



That Jesus was a trickster too and that is why Christianity is for the birds.

Yule Log Rolling

This year Sandy Claus read my blog, which he mistook for a Christmas wishlist. But it's alll goood cause guess what I got? A penis? Yes! And guess what I'm doing with it? Well, I'm still sitting to pee so it really hasn't changed my life that much. And the rest of the time I just find myself gently pulling at it like I used to sometimes on the benign tumors I used to have all over the vagina I used to have. I'm hoping maybe Blog Ho got my old vagina and if he did here is a list of simple maintenance rituals it would be wise to abide by if he is smart and knows what's good for him.

1. Never, ever, ever let anyone touch it. This has been a rule I've lived by and it has served me well as I didn't get vagina cancer or aids or the SIDS from anyone. Although I did get Diabetes which is air borne AND sexually transmitted so I prolly got it from some diabetes asshole coughing on me or from all those diabetics I serviced during operation Iraqi freedom.

2. Groom sometimes, but don't get overzealous. Trust me on this one. Blog ho will be good at this since he has some experience from his female dog grooming business. My vagina can be one dirty bitch, just like those dogs.

3. If you are going to rub one out, don't listen to music. This tends to stress my vagina out.

4. NO Douching!!!! This is paramount. Mostly it is because of political beliefs but also because it is unnecessary as my vagina smells like roses and poppies and dandylions in a fresh open field and also like clean clothes on a clothesline in the springtime.

5. I have a small mouth with only 24 teeth but my vagina is positively cavernous. Sometimes I get mixed up which causes embarrassing moments with my gynecologist, my dentist, and the black and Asian sailors down at the docks. So this is a rhyme I made up to remember: Small Mouth, Large Down South. However, if you have a big mouth then don't worry about it. Big mouth. Blabber mouth. Fat Ass.

6. If you happen to find my watch, or my jewel encrusted ring, or my family heirloom vibrating 1st addition copy of Moby Dick, please return to me. This is not so much a rule as a request. Thank you kindly.

I'm off to share a little Christmas cheer with my new Yule log.

If I Had A

I've decided the best way to win friends and influence people is to find blogs of people who I like and comment on them in the hopes that they will click on my link and read my blog and fall in love with me. So far, I haven't had any luck at all. I did find an old comment someone had left me from a long time ago that just said that he loved me. Well at the time I wasn't really into weird guys on the internet commenting that they loved me so I didn't pay no never mind. But now, since I am so desperate for random strangers to look at my blog I decided to tempt karma and check out this guy's blog.

Lord, thank the heavens above that I did. Lord, thank you so much. Lordy lordy lord. Christ almighty in heaven. Thanks. Seriously. I have now found my purpose. I thought I would find my purpose, ba ba ba ba. I have a new link to my new purpose on my sidebar but I will link to it here so you can all enjoy the immediate satisfaction of the funniest person who was made just for mandy to make her laugh.

Blog Ho

I am going to ask him for his seed. To mail it to me. In a test tube or some other handy vestibule. Vestibule? I will then remove my eggs and give his seed and my eggs to my sister because she is good at making babies and she told me she would have my baby if I ever found anyone who I wanted to make babies with but not enough to get fat for. And then her stomach would grow and grow with the baby from my egg and blog ho's seed. And then she would give birth to the most beautiful perfect child and this child would grow up to be Sarah Silverman because she would be a girl because Blog Ho's seed is 99% gay.

He intimates in his blog that he is married and has kids but nothing can get in the way of true love. Summer and winter, springtime and fall, true love conquers all. Just a drip and then a drop and then a dribble, my love for him grows everyday. Marya, what's the rest of that song? It is so good. My dad used to write really really good songs before he sold out to the man. Although his avian flu song this year was pretty good. Blog ho likes to write little missives about what he would do and or say and or shove in there if he had a vagina. I hope he doesn't mind my blatant stealing from him when I start to write my If I Had a Penis posts. Because there will be many to come. This first one isn't that funny but it is true.

If I had a penis I would still sit to pee because I need to take a load off. I would say that I "sit to piss" though because saying "piss" is more masculine and also "sit to piss" sounds like a cool band or song and has the same vowel sounds so it kind of rhymes. There is some word in poetry that means this that is the opposite of consonance but I can't remember what it was. Blog ho would know. There's another one. Also, I would sit to pee because it would save time. I often have to pee again right after I "take a load off" which is a euphemism for pooping. Or "shitting" if I am being more masculine again. Why would I want to stand up and sit down and then stand up again unless I am getting ready to fight fight fight? Also, if I had a penis I would imagine a perfect ray of light shooting out of its tip all the time like a laser pointer only not red because I would constantly think I was bleeding from Down There and if I had a penis I shouldn't think I would have to worry about that anymore. But I'll get into that another time.

Oh and lastly, Blog Ho's vagina would be named Valerie. My penis would be named Peter. You probably think this isn't very creative but fuck you. Neither is valerie. However, the reason my penis would be called Peter is because that is currently what my period is called so I would still be able to pull down my pants when I sit to pee and say "Helloooooo Petah!" in my english accent like I do once a month when Peter comes only if I had a penis I could do that every day, 2-3 times because that is how often I pee.

I AM So Funny

Am I the only one who reads their old blog posts and laughs and laughs and laughs forever at my own jokes? I think my next long post is going to be a "best of" and I will just quote myself like when tv shows get lazy and do clips episodes. I can't wait.

Stupid Girl Movies and Mouthfulls of Obscenities

So The stupid Notebook has been playing on some movie channel that I have here at Dr. Schmoctor's house and three times now I was switching channels, came across it, and then inadvertently watched the whole rest of the movie without even realizing it. I can't tell you how much I am holding back from saying a whole bunch of really stupid things about how much I love it and what it is exactly that I love about it because I am so embarrassed that I fall for this claptrap time and time again. Plus that gosling kid is totally totally hot. He reminds me of Christian Bale in Newsies. Only cooler. And less gay. And less dancing with young boys. And Rachel McAdams is the breakout actress of the year according to Ebert.

I got this crazy link off this guy's blog that I read who I don't know but am strangely obsessed with and I thought it was interesting enough to share with my peeps. What up, peeps? Crazy jumping guy from Estonia? The guy in the video kind of reminds me of Arron Spencer Wilder. How many takes do you think he had to do on all these jumpy aroundy things? And additionally, doesn't it feel like you are playing a video game?

I gave my notice at work on Monday. No more doctor schmoctor job. My last day will be January 5th. Then I'll be jobless for a short amount of time while I attend school. And then I'll probably try to find some crappy part-time job somewhere. Or beg my job now to let me come in a work a few hours here or there cleaning up their doctor slop.

And Christmas is a-comin round the bend. I've sent out hand made individualized Christmas cards and letters detailing my life and times and how much the receiver of the card means to me to just about everyone who I REALLY care about so if you don't get one, you know where you stand.

Song that has been in my head virtually non-stop except when a Christmas song creeps in: Johnny Saucep'n

Well he was just some Johnny Saucep'n when he walked into that kitchen
And the chef picked up the order and put down his Solzhenitysen
He said "make yourself at home, boy, I just prewarmed all the griddles
Ya got 20 minutes, starting now, to make some gourmet vittles"

Basil endive parmesan shrimp live
Lobster hamster worchester muenster
Caviar radicchio snow pea scampi
Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert
Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks
Provolone flatbread goat's head soup
Gruyere cheese angelhair please
And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws.

Sure he was just some Johnny Saucep'n when he walked into that kitchen
But his genius with the foodstuffs got the old chef's tastebuds itchin'
Johnny Saucep'n bought the restaurant and the chef came all unglued
There will always be a lineup for that strange and wonderful food.

Basil endive parmesan shrimp live
Lobster hamster worchester muenster
Caviar radiccio snow pea scampi
Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert
Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks
Provolone flatbread goat's head soup
Gruyere cheese angelhair please
And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws.

It sure is a mouthful. Whenever I get to "Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks" I always say "cannibal" on accident instead of cataloupe. It's like unique new york. Which is my brother's 2nd favorite tongue twister after the one I adapted from the pheasant plucker one and it goes a little something like this, "I am not a fucking faggot, I'm a fucking faggot fucker, and I'm only fucking faggots while the faggot fucker's gone." It makes him laugh every time. EVERY TIME! I made it up one day when he called me a fucking faggot. Now I just need to make one up for when he calls me a stupid bitch toilet fucker. Yep. We have a very strong brother/sister relationship. That fucking dickslop.

Oh, if anyone was offended deeply by the previous paragraph I am offering this disclaimer: Some of my best friends are gay. And Jewish.

For whom can I buy this book as a christmas present? I tried to buy it for my gradma but my mom said she wouldn't like it. It is sooooo cute! I saw it at bloomsbury books in ashland yesterday.

It has inspired me to find super cute pictures to put on EVERY blog entry that I have. Someone is in for a treat!

This one just came on the radio and I had forgotten it was on my gold hits of the 70's album!

"Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day
When there's got to me no chance for me
My life would end
And it doesn't matter how I cry
My tears of love are a waste of time
If I turn away
Am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do
If I can't have you
I don't want nobody baby"

Sung by Eves Plum according to the internet. Not to be confused with Eve Plum, to be sure. Who was Jan Brady, in case you aren't up on your brady trivia. I know waaay too much about the brady bunch considering I was born well after it was off the air.

In That Windy Old Weather, Stormy Old Weather, Boy When The Wind Bloooooooows, We'll All Go Together.

Everyone Knows It's Windy
(I am whistling along)

The picture above is a picture of the my little pony that I have. I have a stuffed animal version of it, not a really live pony. Her name is Windy and I got her the same year I got my rainbow brite doll (including a pattiy o'green doll) and my cabbage patch kid for christmas in 1984. And we got a dog that year we named Zola Budd. 21 years ago this christmas!

It has been so windy up in this house on the hill. The trees bang against the walls and keep me up at night. And there is a whistling of the wind across the moors. If there were moors. It is quite disconcerting. I was thinking of how it would be a great place to fly a kite. If I had a kite. And was into kite flying and such. I guess I could make my own kite. If I were more industrious. Up to the highest height.

As a child I listened to a lot of records on my record player. I had a little white record player and the spinny part was red, I think. And I had those little books with records like the muppets take manhatten and a charlie brown christmas that came with the small little 45's. I loved those things. And I also listened to my mary poppins record, my sound of music record, my dr suess record, and most frequently my Golden Hits of the 70's record which was actually a gift from my sister to my brother but my brother hated it so my sister kept it in our room. I had a few others that I listened to a lot but these were the ones I think of the most. My mom tells me I once yelled "But I neeeed my music!" I forget the context of this outburst but she has quoted it ever since as one of those cute things I said when I was a kid. But I do need my music. I love my music so much. Especially alphabetizing it.

I watched Prozac Nation with Christina Ricci and it didn't make me want to kill myself but it did make me want to be a music critic for rolling stone. It was a weird movie. Sort of the female angst ridden version of Almost Famous. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it but there were parts that got me hooked and made me want to read the book. I kind of think Christina Ricci sucks as an actress and may amazingly get by on her actual personality. Which, with a personality like hers, is saying a lot. I like her but I don't understand why anyone else does.

I've been listening to the soundtrack to the producers a lot to get ready for seeing it in the theaters. It is really great. I've also been listening to Moxy Fruvous. I actually bought Bargainville and the B album on CD since I only had them on tape and lost those a few years ago. It is like having a friend move back into town. They are a Canadian band for dorks that I got into in highschool/early college. I think Steve and marya are probably the only ones who read this who have heard them. I saw them live twice with Becky and Sheila. They really liked them too. I've also been listening to soft hits of the 60's, 70's, and 80's because that is the only radio station that comes in on the radio in the bathroom. Sometimes NPR comes in but it is very scratchy. I heard "Brandy" this morning. She's a fine girl. What a good wife she would be. Sometimes songs from my golden hits of the 70's album come on this station, which makes me cry sometimes. Like There's Only You and Me and We Just Disagree. And Thank You for Being a Friend. And Living Next Door to Alice. Right now it's the Jackson 5. Man do I feel alive when I'm listenin' to the Jackson 5!

I desperately need to do some Christmas shopping. I have a book for my mom. I need to get presents for my dad and my brother and little Jackie jack jack and my grandmother. I usually buy stuff for tuney and bucky and maggie after Christmas because they sometimes come down here for Columbus Day Christmas in January. I haven't decided on whether to amazon.com-it for marya and alex and ailsa or if I should buy something and have mom ship it out with her stuff or if I should also wait until after Christmas for all the deals and what not.

Who's tripping down the streets of the city? Smiling at everybody she sees? Who's reaching out to capture the moment? Everyone knows its Windy.

I had rehearsal this morning. Or Rehursila, as jack calls it. The cast is really good. And they had me fill out a W-9 form yesterday which makes me think I'm getting paid for this. But nobody has said I'm getting paid. Or told me what I would be getting paid. There is a guy in it who works for the Shakespeare Festival. Funny story here. I googled him, because I google everyone, and turns out he and his wife wrote this musical called Chaps! Which I'm pretty sure was a play done at the Ferndale Repetory Theater in Ferndale when I was in college that I saw because a couple of my friends were in it. In fact, Alicia, from the marriage of Alicia and Justin, was roommates in college with this girl Tiffany who was totally insane. And her sister, who I lived in the dorms with, was also totally insane and was in the show. Her name was Sabrina. And my friend rydzewski covered for someone else for like one night or a weekend or something. And there were other people I know in it. And this guy who wrote it is in this play with me now. Small world, the great northwest is.

I am reading the curious incident of the dog in the night. And it is really good. Quick easy read. Buy it for someone lazy for Christmas.

It is funny how I never know what I'm going to write about until I sit down and all this crap comes out! Good thing.

This just in

Dr. Schmoctor's internet home page is set for CNN.com and every time it opens up I think, "God, the onion is not even TRYING anymore." And then I realize that this is real news.

Christ almighty Mass of crap Christmas

Merry Christmas. Merry fucking Christmas. My brother has a song where he just goes on and on with variations on Merry Christmas. Merry Money grubbing Christmas. Merry Jesus Christ-on-a-Stick with a frog up an oil-man's asshole Chrrrristmas. And so on. It makes me laugh everytime.

So I am Back in Mr. Dr. Schmoctor's house having just come home from our office Christmas party and I have my awesome tunes playing and a fat tire in my fist. In my little tiny fist. I do like me some fat tire amber ale. Mostly because of the name and the picture of the red bicycle on the front. So much depends on a red bicycle. I only had one glass of wine at the party. But I must say, it was a really good glass of wine. It was a pinot noir, for you wine aficionados out there. And it was all buttery and delicious like Barbara Streisand. Ampersand. If I was a writer for sesame street and I was going to do an episode on punctuation I would have a puppet named Barbara Ampersand like the one they have called Meryl Sheep. Sesame street is quality programming. I love watching it on Monday mornings with my nephew. It is one of my favorite parts of the week. It is so much better if you watch it with a real life kid instead of just one inside of all of us.

Now that I have constant access to the internet I have run out of things to do on it. Steve got me addicted to web soduku and webboggle. I am not as good at webboggle as I thought I would be. I usually only get in the rankings between 30 and 40. But I'm getting better. Soon I will be unstoppable. It reminds me of this game I used to play on America Online at my grandmama's house called scrambler. I wonder if there is anywhere on the internet that has this game with other people playing it? I bet there is. The point is, I wish someone would tell me other cool things to do and play with on the internet. Or the "e-net" as my popso calls it. Dearest Popsicle.

Ah well, back to soduku. Or is soduko? I'll check. I was wrong on all accounts. Sodoku.

Most awesome part of the Christmas party: Joanne, my coworker Marie's sister, calling the cute waiter she wanted to have intimate relations with "the help" right in front of his face. He was pissed off. They will most likely not be having intimate relations.

2nd most awesome part of the Christmas party: The big boss Executive Director wearing a shirt he described himself as similar to a rainbow trout and which I described to Joanne as only a gift a gay lover would give someone. He was dateless... hmmm... Oh, and he sang Porgy and Bess' Summertime whilst playing the piano. At a Christmas party. And then an Elton John song. Hmm... And he is unmarried, childless and a snappy dresser. If he wasn't so smarmy I would totally think he was gay. I can't believe I didn't think so until tonight. He is gay! Of course! This explains so much. If it was snake it would have bit me. If I was a man it would have, at least.

6 people asked me who I was there with and then why I didn't bring a date, and then why am I single, and then why don't I date anyone. And then one of them said her and her husband were "talking about that the other day." Whatever that means. And then she changed the subject quickly when I inquired what exactly they were "talking about." I'm sure they are all at home writing in their blogs that Amanda must be gay. People in glass houses, or whatever.

Plus, look at how cute I was at some point in my life near christmas time!

Who bumped it up bumped it up bumped it who?

This Doctor house is so big and I am so small. There are four dogs and 3 of them are very nice and agreeable. One growls at me and tries to herd me around the house when he thinks I am going places he doesn't like me to go. Like anywhere. But he is still a cute little doggy so what can I do? He is a little cross eyed. There is a big TV and a computer (that I am using right now) and an x-box (which I have yet to use.) Tomorrow I am going to get up and walk down to the mail box which is probably about a mile. Then I am going to go into town and buy myself some gusses in which to get gussied up in for the big office Christmas shin dig. Turns out, it is hard to make a bacon dress around 4 dogs. Let alone wear one. I don't know if anybody reading this watched the office the other day but my Christmas party will be way cooler than that. First of all, we can drink. Secondly, we all get a Christmas bonus. Thirdly, all the secret Santa crap was done in the office and was totally voluntary and I did not partake so I don't have to live through that hellish experience. Although two of my coworkers (husband and wife) did buy me a wallet. A United Colors of Benetton wallet. I don't know what they thought was wrong with my old one. Was it the velcro? Actually, my other wallet is a Coach wallet which evidently means something to somebody. But I like my new wallet better. It is slightly bigger but can still be put into a jacket pocket if necessary. And it is an orangy colored leather.

What a mundane post this has turned out to be.

I actually had a whole list of things I wanted to write about and now not a single one comes to mind. Except that I found out that scrubs wasn't cancelled. I saw an add for it. Oh, and the best part about living the life of a Cardiologist for three weeks? BBC America with reruns of the British Office. Sweet. I had a dream last night that I met this guy who was Tim/Jim all mixed up into one super Tim/Jim. I didn't realize my infatuation with Tim and Jim had reached my subconscious. I need to stop watching so much TV.

Also, Cyprus Vs. Fullerton: The Final Smackdown. I don't know yet. I'm probably going to be too poor to go to Cyprus. I can't imagine a set of circumstances in which I won't be too poor to go to Cyprus. So for now, I am planning on Fullerton. This would also to allow me to maybe visit my friend Becky in Anaheim and maybe even my friend Andy rydzewski who is now living and loving L.A. style with some of my old Humboldt theater pals like Blake Williams and who knows who else.

Oh yes! And most importantly. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. What a town. City of bridges, I hear. Does anyone know anything else interesting about Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? When I read it was the city of bridges I thought this was funny because my dad is from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and has a horrible fear of bridges. And I think one or more of my cousins may be living in Pittsburgh. Yep, Good ole' Pittsburgh. I wonder what's going on there right now? Hmmm... Pittsburgh. Well well well. MMm HHmm. Yep.

I registered for 3 classes for the winter quarter at SOU. Some history class about war that I am very much looking forward to. A science class. Some kind of physical science mumbo jumbo science class for science dummies kind of general ed class. And and English class called Women Writers. I am totally going to kick ass in those classes! I may take a third one but I have to talk to the English department first to find out what I have to take for them. Fuckwads. My academic "advisor" advised me to go get advised by the English department to find out what classes I should take. Gee, thanks, whore. But all my classes will be only on Tuesdays and Thursdays so maybe I'll work on the weekends and a little on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. Sounds like some sort of a plan. Almost.

All Anus All The Time

What has Amandapants been up to? What did Amandapants do this weekend? Where is Amandapants' head at? Does she always have to end sentences with a preposition on? At? In?

I've been ever so busy what with the nonstop excitement this small town has to offer me. I saw Just Friends on Saturday. I laughed and laughed. It was very funny in all the usual sorts of ways. That Ryan Reynolds is pretty funny but the funniest thing about him is he is married to Alanis Morissette so I have a joke about him getting All-Anus All the Time.

I also watched two of my netflix movies, Danny Deckchair and Word Wars. Danny Deckchair was very cute and sweet and I recommend it.

Word Wars was a documentary about scrabble players a la that spelling bee movie only with grown strange men instead of weird children. I really like scrabble and part of me feels like I could become like those men if I really let my ocd loose on something. There was this kid they had on briefly who was pretty good and they asked him if he wants to someday work his way up to division one and compete with the best players and he said that he doesn't want to end up like one of those guys who doesn't have a job or anything and who just play scrabble all the time. It was an interesting movie.

I also went to a musician swap thing in Ashland with my brother and dad yesterday and I got a few used cds there and got groped by old men. Not really groped, just kind of "handled." I am a short person and relatively small so sometimes people man handle me because they think of me like a child. So three times at this crowded swap meet a man physically moved me out of his way to get by. Men are such bastards sometimes. Most times. Sometimes I like to put a little bacon in my shorts. Most times. My wife makes these lovely dresses out of bacon. Like to wear one myself when the time is right. And it usually is. Bacon Bacon Bacon I'm puttin' the movies on you! You're Bacon!

I wish I had a dress made out of bacon. I would wear it to our "semi-formal" office Christmas party this Saturday at the Ashland Springs Hotel

I'm actually going to take this Wednesday afternoon off for an appointment I have in Ashland and I am going to go shopping an buy something to wear to this thing because I hate everything I own. It should be kind of neat though. They remodeled this huge hotel in Ashland few years ago and I haven't been in since then. I've poked my head in but I haven't been to any other part except the lobby. Perhaps I'll buy a beautiful ball gown.

What is Santa bringing me for Christmas this year?

Short Staffed, that's what she said.

I hate the winter. I hate stupid people getting stupid colds all the time. And the flu. And flu shots. And stupid getting dark early. And the time change on top of that. And the stupid cold. I never used to be a cold person. I was always warm. But since I started in this thyroid medication the worst side effect is that I am cold all the time. I wear a coat all day at work. And gloves. Fingerless gloves so's I can type. Which is strange, because one of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, which is what I have, is intolerance to cold. So I should have been cold all the time BEFORE I started the thyroid medication but I wasn't. So I am just the opposite, I fear. As my brother would say, I am a riddle shoved up the ass of a conundrum, vomited out of the mouth of an enigma.

So we are short staffed at work. And my boss is out off this whole week so it falls to me to try to fill all the holes and work out all the kinks. And take the sick calls at 6 in the freakin' morning. And listen to people tell me why they have to stay home when I don't really care, the point is you aren't coming to work, right? Right? So spare me the drama and the sick voice affectation. I don't really care if people don't come to work. In small doses. I just hate winter when everyone is sick AND taking time off for the stupid holidays. Christmas and Thanksgiving are big crocks of crappy excuses to eat a bunch of crap and have stupid office parties and secret santas and take time off work and get sick and stay home because it is cold and wet outside.

I am not supervisor material. Is the gist of it. Of this post. Or maybe I am, I just would never never have hired the people I have to supervise so it is not really fair to have to supervise people I can't fire.

Winter sucks. That being said, it snowed yesterday and the world was briefly very beautiful. Before it started raining again and turned the snow into brown cold mushy dangerous crap. And Jack-Knifed trucks! Don't even get me started on that! Trucks should have to take separate truck routes in the winter. But like I said, don't get me started on that. Man alive. Saints A Poppin'.

Oh, and I am OFFICIALLY going to college beginning 1/9/06. I got my official acceptance letter yesterday. I am so going to kick ass at college. Look at how smart I am! LOOK AT IT! So freakin' smart. You don't even know.

Does anyone know, is Scrubs still on tv? Or was it cancelled? I miss it so much.

And does anyone laugh at the spell check as much as I do? Like they want me to put foreskin instead of freakin'. And change santas to snatch. Dirty spellchecker. I know what you're thinking, "She actually uses spell check? Why does she have so many typos and grammatical errors?" Fuck you. I would have a lot more.

"To Sodomy, it's between God and Me"

Now that I've had some time to really think about the recent holidays I have to say I am very relieved that I am back at work and that time has passed. Although Christmas is coming up quickly. These holiday months just whiz by, don't they? DON'T THEY??

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed in my head. Not in my life right now because things are pretty easy going right this minute but in my head I am thinking ahead and making plans and the winds of change are blowing right through my ears. Next week I'll be moving on up to Mr. Dr's house for 3 weeks. I am looking forward to this. I'm thinking of taking a couple days off in December to get my affairs in order. Specifically, I need to meet with an advisor at the college to go over what classes I need to take. I'll probably just take a day off of work to do that because it will probably take a while. I got a notice from the school that they are accepting like 180 of my credits. Which is like all the credits. So I'll basically just have to take Spanish and some extra English classes to get my degree. That will be awesome. AWESOME! I am so over educated. Who ever heard of getting over 180 credits? That's like 6 years of 30 credits a year. And I didn't go for a whole 6 years. I only actually took classes for like 5 years total.

Maybe I'll take a different language. I should. Spanish would probably be easy because I took like 5 years of it in junior high and high school but I'm not going to become fluent so I may as well broaden my horizons. I can take French, German or Japanese if I want to. How awesome is that? How awesome is it? Not that awesome, actually. If I went to a real school I could take Swahili. I wouldn't, of course. But I could.

ho boy. I watched Born into Brothels on DVD on Friday night, Pride and Prejudice on Saturday in Ashland, and Rent yesterday in Medford. All of them totally kicked ass in completely different ways. I thought Born into Brothels would be completely depressing but really good and it was really good but not completely depressing. It was actually very sweet and sort of uplifting if you are the type to be uplifted by movies. These kids were very cute. And one of them was so smart and talented I couldn't believe it. I won't say which one because the others might get mad.



Pride and Prejudice was great but I always like that story. Always always always. Mr. Darcy was cast very well. VERY WELL. We spent some time afterwards comparing his Darcy to Colin Firth's.


I think Colin still won but this guy

was pretty good. And the rest of the cast was wonderful and the story was wonderful. And I felt ever so alone and lonely afterwards. I rarely get that feeling of loneliness because I cherish my alone time so much most of the time. But once in a while I see a mushy movie and think that it might be nice to have someone around to go see mushy movies with.

Rent was my favorite of all time. I saw it on Broadway 8 years ago and I know the soundtrack by heart so it was really really hard not to sing along through the whole thing. But I managed. It is not for the musically faint of heart. But I loved it so much. The title of this post is from Rent in the song "La Vie Boheme." I am so jealous of my friend Will that he would get to see Jesse L. Martin on the set of Law and Order and hear him sing all the time. I think he was the best in the whole movie by far. I was impressed that Rosario Dawson sang pretty well. And my girlfriend Sara Silverman had a small role in it which made me jiz in my pantaloons. What a mess that was. Luckily my jizz looks exactly like movie theater yellow topping for popcorn. So everyone wins. Although I am still a little sore.


in addition:

This last bit is being added much later than this post was written but I weigh myself weekly and I was dreading today because of the holiday and because I haven't exercised in over a week because of my stupid cold and laziness. But I actually lost 2 pounds since last week. I was so excited! So I normally would come in and tell my coworker erin that I lost 2 pounds or whatever and she would say something nice and encouraging etc. But now I work with this guy and I came bounding in the room and realized, I can't talk to this guy about how much weight I lost or haven't lost or want to lose. So now I miss Erin even though she is just working in a different department. There are a lot of things I can't do anymore that I used to. I get a lot more work done. And erin is a catholic republican. Good riddance.

The morning after pill

I was thinking about posting some pictures from Thanksgiving but then my aunt did on her blog so I will just link to that.

So here is a link to my aunt's blog with some pictures from Thanksgiving. Click Here, Dirty Bastard

We went out to breakfast at denny's and my crazy brother in law brought his camera and made us all tell him what we don't like about. Umm.... AWKWARD!... Like totally dude. Then he just came in here just now while I was writing the part about linking the pictures and he pretended to type and said "My brother-in-law did the craziest thing at breakfast this morning." He thinks that I was going to come right home and write all about it in my blog. And you know what? I was! But I don't have time to go into the whole involved story right now because I have important things to do involving financial aid.

I don't know what to tell you.

I've got nothing to say. What am I doing? I don't know. Having a cold totally kicks ass.

The Office is so great. I am so glad it isn't horrible. I actually may like Jim more than Tim but don't tell Tim that because I think he has slightly lower self esteem than Jim and he may not be able to recover from such a crushing blow. job.
And Dwight is awsome. He is awsome in different ways than Gareth but he is still awsome. And the other night when the boss was giving up all his pretend guns at the improv thing he was at I almost died laughing. So watch The Office if you don't already. And if you do, I love you. And rent the English version too.

Oh, now for a rousing rendition of my traditional Thanksgiving song:

ON THANKSGI-VING DAY
THERE ARE THRILLING PILGRIM STORIES
HOW THE IN-DI-ANS
HELPED THAT FIRST THANKSGIVING DAY

HOW I LOVE IT SO
EATING PUMPKIN PIE AND TURKEY
LET US ALL GIVE THANKS
ON THIS BRIGHT THANKSGIVING DAY

BRIGHT THANKSGIVING BRIGHT THANKSGIVING BRIGHT THANKSGIVING DAY!!
BRIGHT THANKSGIVING BRIGHT THANKSGIVING BRIGHT THANKSGIVING DAY!!

Here is a picture that sums up what this year's Thanksgiving meant to me.




My mother and father and sister and brother and brother-in-law and neice and grandmother and uncle and I all had a very nice day. We played Apples to Apples, Hearts, and Scattegories. We ate pumpkin pie and turkey. There was merriment and laughter. Army of Darkness was on the Sci Fi channel. There were dogs. Jack wasn't here so Ailsa was the only baby and the cutest most beautiful most well behaved and best baby that there ever was.

And that was Thanksgiving, 2005.

Happy Thanksgiving!

No Pun Intended, No Pun Elocuted

I saw Harry Potter on Saturday and I thought it was awesome. Book 4, the Goblet of Fire is my favorite of the series. I was of course sad that some stuff was left out. But that is the way of the world. And the way I look at it, see, is that now that I've seen the movie I can always go back and read the book and read again about the stuff that wasn't in the movie only now I can imagine it like it was in the movie and then it's like it was! See? See? Only instead, I'm rereading the order of the phoenix because I can't remember anything that happens in it and I want to know what happens next. And then I'll have to go out and buy the stupid half blood prince but I was hoping not to buy it until it is in paperback because lugging those big 8,000 page hard covers around is a pain in the ass. IN THE ASS!

Also, I got a little postcard this weekend urging me to "Save the Date" But there were two dates to save so I'm going to have to think about which date to save. The dates in question are June 22nd and July 23rd. Or was it July 22nd and June 23rd. Anyway, these are the days that my friends Will and Johanna are getting Hitched. Hitchcock style. The June date is in Fullerton, Ca. which is not all that terribly far from me. I could even drive if I wanted to. And I probably would want to because I'll be a poor starving student come around that time. The July date is in Cyprus. As in Greece. And that would be totally kick ass. I have a feeling most of the people I know who are going to attend will probably go to the Fullerton one so that is probably the one I will attend because it will be the easiest and cheapest and I will probably not be all that financially secure come June/July. But if I win the lottery or my parents die maybe I'll go to Cyprus! I wish other people who read this and who are attending would tell me which one they are planning on. And if they know about anyone else's plans. Hint Hint.

What else? Hmmm...I have a cold! The first one over two years. And it is a doozy! I am coughing up a lung. I am secretly hoping I will lose my voice so I can't answer the phones at work. So I think at lunch I'll drive around and sing really loud in my car. If I come back and can't talk, presto! Maybe they'll send me home.

I also watched Crash this weekend. The recent Crash with Sandra bullock and a bunch of other people. It was pretty good. Not as good as they all thought it was when they were making it but pretty good. Very Paul Thomas Anderson/Robert Altmany like shortcuts and magnolia only everybody took it WAY seriously. Way Way seriously.

And I finished season 4 of Six Feet Under and did my jaw drop during the last episode! I wish Justin would send me season five post haste.

I've been up to other things as well but since I was sick this weekend I mostly watched TV and movies. I'm going to be in another play in January/Feb. It doesn't start rehearsing until after Christmas but we have a read through tomorrow. It is a play written by this guy who my brother actually works with at the paper. I haven't read it but it sounds like an interesting story. I'm going to go by the mail tribune today and pick up a script. I'd be playing a 22 year old photographer younger sister to the main character. We'll see. It is a 2nd stage production at Oregon Stage Works which is the place I did The Boy Who Talks To Whales last spring. 2nd stage means that it runs on the off nights of the main stage production which would usually be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday nights. So my weekends would still be free and it isn't a very long run so It shouldn't be as time consuming as some of the other shows I've done.

I wasn't going to do any plays while I was going to school but It is hard to turn down a show when someone calls you and says, "Here's a part, be in this." Because once you say no, they'll never call you again. And this shouldn't be too bad. I think I can handle it.

Moving right along

So I applied for the winter quarter at SOU and I applied for my financial aid. They want to loan my $7,000 for 2 quarters which seems like a lot of money for just a few months. So I will probably just take part of it. The subsidized part is 3500 so I'm think of just taking that much out. And I have to quit my job in like a month and I have to try to get a part time job. So many things to do. They got my application and my Humboldt transcripts but I forgot that I had old old transfer credits from college of the siskiyous from when I took some college classes in highschool. So now I have to request that those be sent post haste so as to not jeopardize my chances of being accepted to this fine institution. They are so desperate for students right now. Their enrollment went down I think last year or the year before because they jacked up the tuition. I am so excited at the thought of reading books again. And writing papers. I can't believe the change that has come over me in the last few months regarding this. I hope it lasts. The suspense is killing me! I hope it lasts. Says Willy Wonka.

And Thanksgiving is coming up! Which means I'll hopefully get to visit with my little niece ailsa now that she is big and fat. And I'll get 4 days off of work next week, which is nice. I think my little nephew jack will be with his mom for the holiday. So far that is what I hear. But everyone else will be around so that should be fun. And Marigold and Steve are probably going to surprise us with a visit to Yreka. I'm sure they are just waiting for me to send the airfare money.

I saw Good Night and Good Luck this last weekend and I totally loved it. David
Strathairn is so great in it. And it had really grace pacing and timing. Very good pacing and timing. My brother said, "that's the editing, dumb shit." But I think George Clooney is a pretty good little director. Of course, steven soderberg "produced" it so who knows how much he actually produced and how much else he may have done. One of my favorite movies is Sneakers and David Strathairn was in that as the blind guy. He is one of those actors who is always good but you never know his name. I think he will be nominated for an Oscar. Or a bunch of other awards.

I also watched Star Wars Episode II yesterday with jack. He fell asleep he was so bored. He kept saying, go the part with the light savers! Go to the part where they are sword fighting aliens! And I would fast forward forever and ever until something interesting would happen. He did like the part where yoda was riding around in a little hovering thing. He said, "Does yoda have a little spaceship just right for him?" And, "If yoda was my friend, I would play baseball with him. Because he is like people. But he is an alien." And in the big yoda/christopher lee fight scene he screamed with joy just like all the nerds did when I saw it in the theater. And he said, "yoda can fight better than the big man because he can jump around so fast!"

My coworker lent me episodes II and III, which I have yet to see. I have a feeling I'll be skipping around on that one to find the fun parts too.

My Family Is NUTS!

So it is confirmed. The anonymous person was my Aunt Kerri. She is my mom's brother's wife. I was kind of shocked that she would do this but not really surprised given what all I've heard about her over the years. I don't think she'll be writing anything else any time soon except maybe to deny that it is her but there is no doubt in my mind that it is.

I can't remember ever even having a conversation with this woman. I've talked to her maybe two or three times in my entire life. She has never taken an interest in my life or the lives of my siblings or cousins. She is probably just curious about how we turned out or wants to find out gossip and tidbits about my family so she can continue hating for generations to come guilt free. She can see pictures of my little niece and nephew and hate them! The sins of the father, and all that.

There are so many reasons why this is weird and bizarre and very very bad but I think the worst part of it is how obsessed she seems to be. I'm sure it was just all very entertaining for her but she actually kind of freaked me out when I didn't know who it was and she started threatening me. And she freaked out my friends and family. Because she is so paranoid and so overprotective she knew exactly what to say to scare me even though I know if someone wants to find you and they are a crazy loon there is absolutely nothing you can do to avoid it aside from going into hiding or witness protection. So there is no point in protecting yourself to the point of complete isolation. But I think that is probably how she lives her life. I almost feel bad that this went on for song and people had to put up with it for so long and the pay off is just kind of, 'eh... But Marigold can add another person to the mandy's family lovefest entry from a few weeks back now that she knows my good old aunt scary Kerri.

Evan, Ian, Or Owen?

Or none of the above. Everything is suddenly so clear. I've gone back and looked at some of the comments. It is all coming together at last. I know exactly who my stalker is and I know exactly where she lives and where her children are and her husband and her pets and where she goes to eat and what her house looks like inside and I think I'm going to plan a little trip up north and test her theories about how anyone can find out anything about you when you post things on the internet. Even if you are anonymous. Maybe I'll contact her children. They would probably enjoy this story. One of them, at least. Or maybe I'll just post her name, address, photos of her and her family up on my blog. But she'd probably try to sue me if I did that. I hear she can be a little litigious. I hear a lot of things. I've heard so many things over the years that I couldn't believe half of them were true. But now that I've had contact, first hand, with what I had considered legendary crazyness, I realize that she really IS a totally wack job! And my family was right all along! Imagine that.
I don't think we'll be hearing much more out of anonybitch.

arrivederci, cunt.

Mean Mr. Mustard and Prudence

When I was a senior in high school I chatted on line at this weird site. It was a chat room provided by the Healthy Choice frozen dinner people and its intent was to provide a space for people to get together and talk about healthy choices and healthy choice products. But since it was a very well made chat format, very easy to use and at the time one of the only free real time chat sites on the internet, most of the people who used it were just people like me. I met two guys who I ended up becoming very good friends with. One was Jim Shelley who I still am in contact with today and who I met a couple years ago when he was over on the west coast. I've linked to his site here a couple times. He is in China. The other was this guy Brandon Shaw who I chatted with for about a year and a half and then met when I went down to LA with my freshman roommate in college Tasha over the winter break. We met in January of 1997 and things went pretty well. We continued to write for a few months after and then he just stopped writing to me altogether with no explanation. I wrote him and he didn't respond. I was upset but I got over it. I actually can't really remember that time really well because I had a lot of other stuff going on. I remember the springtime of my freshman year being really really fun. But I remember sitting at the computer hall in the basement of gist hall after we met and reading emails from him. And I remember trying a few times over the summer when I as home never hearing anything.

So in an attempt to figure out who this anonymous commenter is, because I just can't let it go, I googled him thinking that it could be him and the first hit that came up was this...

UT Virtual Statue Tour: Southwest Campus: Brandon Shaw MemorialInscription: "Brandon Shaw 1976-1997" written on the plaque inside of the box. Brandon Shaw, 20, was a UT architecture student who was murdered along with ...

And he was an architecture student at UT. And he was born in 1976. And the spring of January 1997 was the last time I heard from him.

So that link brought me to this site - memorial statue

So he was murdered that summer. And that is why I never heard from him again. I don't really know how I am supposed to feel about this because I tried really hard to be mad at him and just push him out of my consciousness and I succeeded fairly well. But If I had known then that he was murdered I would have been totally destroyed. But I found out 8 years later instead. And I can't stop thinking about it but I am not mourning or anything. I am not grief stricken.

In September of that same year one of the closest friends from my childhood, with whom I had a very bad falling out in high school, died in a car accident. Will and Justin came to Yreka with me when I went home to the funeral. I was kind of messed up for a while after that happened so it was probably for the best that I didn't know that he died 2 months earlier. But the strange part is when Leah died, we hadn't really been in touch since our sophomore year of high school when we stopped speaking to each other completely. So when she died I felt kind of the same way I feel now. She was a huge part of my life but I hated her.

Anyway, carpe diem and all that crap.

Just out of Curiosity

My anonymous commenter is still commenting anonymously. I have chosen not to publish his comments but I still get to see them. Lucky me. In response to my not publishing his comments he has gotten a little bit bent out of shape and in part of his recent comment claimed, "I have been polite, witty, informative and added to the conversation." He also said some other things that were not polite, witty or informative in his comment but I was just curious if I am just in some weird mandy bubble and I don't see the polite informative wittiness of the comments? What do the rest of you out there think? Please, be brutally honest.

in addendum - Thixth Feet Thunder!!!

Guess who just finally got season 4 of Six Feet Under on DVD? Finally? That's right. Me! I did. Finally. Claire says to David, "Thanks for listening to me complain about my cushy alienated life." And I say the same to all and sundry. I also love Justin Theroux so much. So much.

Moderate Comments

Ahhhhh....that's better. If that anonymous person ever had anything clever or useful to say I wouldn't have to get all Tipper Gore on his ass. But anonymous comments that are generally rude and totally inane just clutter up the other more interesting funny and appropriate comments. I really liked this thing I read on Marigold's friend Cory's site about how to be a good commentor.
Here it is

I'm glad Cory surfs for me. Someone has to.

Paradox of Mandy

I have so much to say! I don't know where to begin. I want to first make a list so I can cover everything:
Wild
J.J.
stupid email/regret
school?
A1C 7.1
birthday

So those are the major things I want to talk about. I don't know if I'll get to all of them. I don't even know if I'll be able to get to all of them in one post. It is kind of a lot. A freakin' lot, actually. Like huge aspects of my life I don't talk about that much because I thought I was over them. Like JJ. And Wilds. And having a Hemoglobin A1C of 7.1. And my sister's birthday. And going back to school. And worst of all, the stupid email I sent and how I am feeling regret over something I know, I KNOW, in my heart was the right thing to do. And there are very few things in my life that I know in my heart were the right thing to do. Mostly because I don't believe in people knowing stuff in their heart. Your brain is what knows stuff. Your heart has other responsibilities. I know because I work in a Cardiology office.

Oh, and also, I'm sort of worried that my anonymous stalker might be this guy named Travis. So if it is, you are so totally busted, dude.

So I went to a show tonight. This particular show has been referred to as a "Wild" for about the past 30 years. Or so. I'm not really sure how long. Actually, I could find out right now. I will. Just a moment
.
.
.
.
So, I asked my brother, who is here in Yreka with me tonight with my folks. And Chachi, the dog. And he was in the very first Wild. Which was called "Monkey Business." And he seems to think that he was eight when he did that. And his now 38. So yes, for about 30 years, every year, there has been a show at the Siskiyou Performing Arts Center in Yreka, California, called a "Wild." Or "The Wild." Tonight I saw lots of people I recognized and knew. One of them was my old friend Trish Kimball's dad. Some others were the Bennetts and the Colts, whose sons I went to school with from preschool to high school and who are very good people. I was comforted in a strange way to see these people. I also saw J.J. last name deleted in case she googles herself. She is the reason I still act. She is also the reason I often consider never acting again. She is one crazy New York Jew-turned born again new age Christian. Like I said, I don't know where to begin. I'll begin at the beginning. As I remember it.

With my first Wild. I was eight. I was precocious. I could sing like a little demon. I was put in to a Wild. That particular Wild was called "Paradox of Wild." I still have my little tiny t-shirt from it. You see, it is a play on words because there were two docks on the stage. A Pair of Docks. And also, there was a skit with two doctors. Also a pair of Docs. Get it? I sang a Shirley temple song with my dad called You Gotta Eat Your Spinach, Baby from Poor Little Rich Girl (1936) I just found this horrifying link that plays the song for you. So just imagine me, at eight, singing this song

spinach song

This is extremely strange, writing about this. But it is a really awesome thing for me to get out. Because there is no one who would get it all. So why not put it out there. For people to see.

So I sang this song. God, there is so much to this story. That is the beginning. Now I don't know where to go from here. So I wasn't smart enough to get into GATE. Which was Gifted and Talented Education. This was a big shock. Because my brother and sister were WAY smart enough to get into GATE. But I didn't pass the tests and I had, at eight years old, actually come to terms with this. I thought this meant that I could actually be "normal" and "popular" and have friends and fun like my brother and sister never did. I was actually quite happy not being smart enough to be in GATE. I remember the test. I remember Mr. Gillespie asking me how many days there were in the year and I said. 364. Because the year before I took the test was a leap year and I knew there were 365 days in the year but that this year there would be one less than last year. I just didn't know that the year before there were actually 366. But he just marked that one wrong. And he gave me a piece of paper and asked, if I needed to find something on this piece of paper and it was hidden, how would I found it. My mother tells me this story. I don't remember this part. She says that when my brother was asked this question he drew a line ________ around the entire page laterally and then longitudinally around and around, tight lines in a big maze like box. My sister did the same but with circles. And I started in the middle and then scribbled all over the entire page with not rhyme nor reason. Much like the way I am writing this, I suppose. Ha! This is a story my mother tells which is supposed to be illustrative of they differences in her children. In how we think. Or who two of us think and how one of us doesn't at all. And this is the story I've been listening to my entire life. Which I don't exactly blame for my lack of focus or goals but which I could tell a therapist if I wanted an easy way out.

So I didn't get into gate, is the long and short of it. And I was fine with this. I was a little disappointed. I admit. I admit a part of me was sad I wasn't as smart as my brother and sister. Or a lot of the other kids in my class. But I thought I had potential in other areas. Like the arts.

So I jumped on stage at eight years old. And Mr. Gillespie saw me. And it just so happened that he was bringing his fifth grade GATE class to Odyssey of the Mind the following year. And they were to put on a musical. And he needed some talented, if not gifted, kids to sort of, what's the word....Or phrase...Stack the deck? I guess? So he came up to me, immediately after the show and said something to the effect of, "Why aren't you in GATE? Would you like to be?" Now I was going into the 4th grade. Not only did Mr. Gillespie think I was talented enough to be in gate, but he thought I was talented enough to be in 5th grade gate! Wow! How flattering. I agreed. One thing to my parent's credit in all this. They never thought I wasn't gifted and talented and if I had wanted to be gifted and talented they would have made the school put me in the program. And when Mr. Gillespie asked me, they left it completely up to my eight year old mind to decide. I realized that I really did wanted to be gifted and talented. Or at least talented. And slightly gifted. So the next year I helped write, directed and starred as Templeton in the Jackson Street School's Gifted and Talented Education program of Charlotte's web. This is the song I wrote. I still remember the dance steps I made up. It is to be sung to the tune of George M. Cohan's "Harrigan" from the musical "Fifty Miles from Boston." Which I happened to have known from a big book of songs my dad sang when I was a kid.

T-E-M-P-L-E
T-O-N Spells Templeton
Proud of all the rotten blood that's in me
Bite the tail of anyone who's agin me

T-E-M-P-L-E
T-O-N You Seeeee
Never once has a cat ever come close to catching me
Templeton!
That's meeee

Because Templeton was a rat. In case you didn't know that. Anyway. We won the regional Odyssey of the Mind competition in Redding, Ca. So we went on to Fresno for the State Competition. And we got 4th place. So we didn't get to go on to Washington. But we almost did. Part of the competition was these series of tests that we had to go through individually. Turns out, I was way smarter than any of the 5th grade GATErs so I was invited to be in my own class level gate the following year. Which would have been the same program I had just gone through as a fourth grader. I declined. I hated the teacher. He was an asshole. I still don't like him much. So that was my year in GATE. It was a lot of extra work. I was more interested in being popular. Plus, the boy I was obsessed with moved back to yreka from Sacramento and was living right across the street. I was beside myself. I would obsess about him for the next 5 years. And that, my dear readers, is another story altogether.

So anyway, back to theater. I was now considered talented, if not gifted, and was encouraged to act and sing in local shows. J.J. last name deleted ran a children's theater kind of program during the summers starting when I was 12 years old. I will make this part of the story shorter, even though it is a monumental part of my development. The summer of my 12 year, as I was turning 13, I played Hermia in J.J.'s production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Lots of other stuff happened that year. Crazy things. Things you would not understand even if I explained them to you. But J.J. was a very difficult woman. She made kids cry, often. She would put my makeup on for me and tell me how great I was. She would tell other kids they were worthless and stupid. Little kids. Like 8-9-10 years old. She was crazy. We would rehearse starting the week after school was over 5 days a week for 5 hours a day. She would keep us late and lecture us while the kids parents were waiting outside to drive them home. She would cry and break down during the tech week of every show I was in with her and threaten to cancel the show because of our incompetence. I did 5 plays with her, I think. Starting with A Midsummer Night's Dream, then Romeo and Juliet, then Julius Caesar and then two productions of A Christmas Carol. Those two were better because adults were in it and she couldn't brow beat them as much.

I could go on and on about all the crazy things she did and how she made me feel like I was the most talented person in the world and in the next breath make me feel like I am merely competent but missing something that I will never have because I just don't have it. I will add this one tidbit, because it has stuck with me for 15 years. She told me my biggest strength was my consistency. This was glowing praise coming from her but to me it was a punch in the face because I knew that the only thing anyone really cared about was raw crazy talent. Not consistency.

The last time I saw J.J. was almost exactly 10 years ago. It was at the dress rehearsal of my senior project in high school. I wrote a one act play that was put on with a whole night of one acts at the same theater I just went to tonight and the same theater I had been in all those plays with J.J. and the same theater that I had first stepped foot on when I was eight years old. It is cheesy to say it was my second home but it actually was. For our senior projects we had to have a mentor. I asked J.J. to be mine. We had a few meetings about writing and about adapting plays and about theater in general and I actually learned a lot from her. She was my mentor in a real way, not just in a Senior project, I had to pick someone, way. But she could only come to the dress rehearsal because she was doing a show at the time. And the order of the plays was changed at the last minute. And I had told her she didn't need to come until some time and then the order was changed. And she missed watching my final product. And this caused a huge dramatic scene outside of the theater between myself and J.J. when she got there. And she told me congratulations on my scholarship and that she hoped I had a great life and walked away in a huff. And I laughed. Outloud. And she turned and was so offended she got tears in her eyes. And then turned and walked away. In another even huffier huff. It was hilarious. And that was the last time I saw her.

10 years ago. So coming to see this Wild tonight was really weird. She was there and she talked to me like we were best friends. And she told me that the next time I am doing any plays or anything up in Ashland to call her and let her know and she would "schlepp" up there to see it. And she probably would. And she would praise me above and beyond what anybody has ever said to me in my life and I would eat it up. Because I've always wanted her approval.

I don't know if I can go into all the other stuff I was going to write about. My friend that I met and dated briefly and then dumped is leaving for good on Tuesday and I emailed him today to say goodbye so I could have some strange sense of closure. Actually, he is the reason I went to see this show in the first place. I took him to Yreka a few weeks ago. And my dad was rehearsing for this show and I mentioned that it had been years and years since I had seen a Wild and my dad said that I should come to this and I said maybe I would and my friend said, "yeah, she will want tickets, two of them." So my dad sent me two tickets. And the plan was to go with my friend. But then I had to end that friendship. But there were those tickets. So I went with my brother. And it was awesome. The Best Wild Ever. As they say.

And the part about the hemoglobin A1C is just really good news from my doctor's appointment last week. My A1C has been steadily declining and this is the best indication that my management of my diabetes is going really really well. I feel like I've just won a prize. But it is because of what I've been doing for myself. And it isn't a prize. It is my own prize for myself.

And the birthday part is because today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday Anonyma! And I already talked about going back to school briefly in my last post so the rest of that will have to wait for another day. Because it is late in Yrekaville.

edgeakated

Today I applied for admission to Southern Oregon University. A few days ago I filled out my FAFSA. And requested my transcripts be sent to Humboldt. Looks like I'm going back to school. Looks like. All signs point to yes. I still don't really know why. Or what I'll do after that. But this will buy me some time to maybe make some decisions and those things later. After I have a degree. Because people tell me this is important.

Have A Scaaaaary Chanukah - Again!

From The State's 43rd Annual Halloween Special

"Hi. You know, sometimes with all this holiday hustle and bustle, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of Halloween. We observe Halloween to celebrate the birth of Christ. And in celebration of his birth, many traditions have been handed down through the years. The hiding of the eggs. The annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Halloween is a day to bring your daughter to work. Or your secretary. And it's the biggest shopping day of the year! But most of all, Halloween is a time for young people to gather together spreading holiday cheer by lighting bags of their own crap on fire, ringing the doorbell, and running away. So America, Happy Halloween, or as we like to call it, Chanukah.

Have a scary Chanukah!"

I put that on my blog last year. And I will next year too. So get used to it.

Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!

Polite Company

So I've been hanging out with this girl from work named Marie and her sister Joann and some of their friends for like the last 3 Friday's in a row. It is weird because I haven't hung out with anyone for that amount of time, other than my family, for like 3 years. Since I left Humboldt in September 2002 to be exact. So over 3 years. Christ. Time flies when you do absolutely nothing.

I am totally socially inept. I always have been but I am more so now. I'm better than I expect. Sometimes I say things that make everybody laugh. Most times. I'm not all that inept. I can always make people laugh. But like last night I talked to this girl who loves all the same stuff I love, has seen all the same movies. She even brought over Cannibal:The Musical to watch. We ended up watching Saw and Event horizon instead because that is what the general consensus demanded. She was really funny and stuff but I was really just not interested in becoming best friends forever with her. I usually know within about 15 minutes if I really hit it off with someone and just having things in common doesn't work like it used to. Almost everybody I've really hit it off with I can remember the first time I ever met them. Or rather, the first conversation. In great detail. And there is more to it then just having stuff in common.

Anyway, I have been drinking almost every single weekend for like the last month too. Which is totally not like me. I am drinking a beer right now. When I met that guy I was hanging out with for a short while we drank because that is kind of what you do when you are young and single and trying to not be awkward. He was kind of pretentious so we drank a lot of wine. I got so I wanted to just start drinking as soon as we started hanging out because I couldn't stand the awkward soberness. Which is one of the reasons I decided the idea of spending any more time with him was unhealthy and unwise. Not to mention degrading and totally against everything I believe in as a feminist. Although I have been reevaluating that lately too. Not my being a feminist but how that actually applies to my life. Because of that play I was just in. And the fact that I entered into this relationship that was eerily similar to that of the main character of the play I just finished. And I did so on the closing night of the play. If nothing else, that guy really made me think about some things. And I'm bummed I couldn't just suck it up and deal with my own issues on my own time. But I couldn't. So I had to stop seeing him. I'll get to that later. Maybe.

So Marie and her sister are total drunks. They drink a lot. And they have people over that they don't even know that well and they all drink. And watch movies. Or get high. And drink. So when in Rome. But I feel like I am just replacing one excuse not to be lonely with another even less healthy even less fulfilling one. Sometimes I wish I actually wrote in a journal or something so I could be explicit but if I didn't write in this blog I wouldn't write anything so it is better than nothing. Marie has Multiple Sclerosis, which is an interesting story all by itself. And Joanne recently graduated from college with an English degree. So we have some things in common. Marie has to give herself shots so sometimes we go take our shots together. Its like having a girl to go to the bathroom with at a restaurant. A bizarrely comforting feeling of camaraderie. And they are both smart and funny and vulgar and brash and brazen and all the things that usually appeal to me in female friends. I've just been trying to take care of myself lately. Going to my doctor regularly. Exercising regularly. Eating well. Maintaining somewhat of an emotional even keel. And this last month has just pushed me over some edge I didn't know was there.

The person I was very very briefly seeing had a girlfriend. And he had started to date someone else after I met him as well. That was kind of his thing. He was not a monogamous person. I have been called a serial monogamist. By my friend Becky. Like that is a bad thing. I thought I would try out this person and see if this was something I could manage. It felt like neither of us really liked each other very much and that was why we weren't headed toward anything exclusive or committed. We probably did like each other a lot. But those ground rules had already been set. He wasn't going to be living here for long. He has a girlfriend. He sees other people. So I just pretended I didn't like him very much. And so then I started not to like him very much. I convinced myself for my own good. I could have just as easily convinced myself that I totally looooved him sooo much. I've done that before. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have any authentic feelings for people which aren't influenced by what I think they think of me. Probably not.

What else is there to say? Other than I watched The Saddest Music in the World tonight. It was a fantastic movie. I watched All about My Mother this morning. It was even more fantastic. I started watching last night and finished watching this morning, Power and Terror in our Times:Noam Chomsky. It was really weird. It was a Japanese film. Made buy a Japanese film company. All in English because it is basically just Noam Chomsky talking at a bunch of different universities and some interviews with him but interspersed were these weird montages of city scenes with people walking and Japanese rock songs playing over them. I watched yesterday afternoon Wit, with Emma Thompson. I had read the play and I loved it and the movie was probably one of the best movie adaptations of a play that there could be. It was really great but it made me cry. Not a long sobbing kind of cry. Just a one tear down the side of your face kind of cry. My favorite kind. It looks so dramatic!

Hardy Har Har(sarcastically)

So when I come to the library I often have to wait for a computer to become available for my own personal use and during this time in which I am waiting I like to pick up a little something to read. For about a month or two now I've been picking up Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee. What a great fucking play. Seriously. Great. And Fucking. And a play. SERIOUSLY. Today I picked it up and read this:

George:And the women around here are no better than puntas - you know, South American ladies of the night. You know what they do in South America...in Rio? The Puntas? Do you know? They hiss...like geese...They stand around in the street and they hiss at you...like a bunch of geese.
Nick:Gangle.
George:Hm?
Nick:Gangle...gangle of geese...not bunch...gangle.
George:Well if you're going to get all cute about it, all ornithological, it's gaggle...not gangle,gaggle.
Nick:Gaggle? Not Gangle?
George:Yes, gaggle.
Nick(crestfallen):Oh.
George:Oh. Yes...Well they stand around on the street and they hiss at you, like a bunch of geese. All the faculty wives, downtown in New Carthage, in front of the A&P, hissing away like a bunch of geese. That's the way to power - plow 'em all!
Nick(still playing along):I'll bet you're right.
George:Well I am.
Nick:And I'll bet y our wife's the biggest goose in the gangle, isn't she...? Her father president, and all.
George:You bet your historical inevitability she is!
Nick:Yessirree. (Rubs his hands together) Well now, I'd just better get her off in a corner and mount her like a goddam dog, eh?
George:Why, you'd certainly better.

These two are a bit drunk during this scene but to really understand it in context just go read it. Or watch it. Or rent the movie. Lazy bones.

Here is a picture of Richard Burton as George and me in 20 years.
I just thought this little exchange was great. And it is what I read today.

I'm also reading Everything is Illuminated because they made a movie out of it and I thought I'd better read it before I went out and saw the movie. You know how it is. And I bought the sequel to Wicked, called Son of a Witch. But I'm going to read that later. And then I'm going to give it to my mother for christmas. I've read all Gregory Maguire's books. They are pretty good. I think Wicked is the best but we'll see if I still think that after I read this new one. We'll see. My pretties. Won't we?

I also saw Domino and Elizabethtown this weekend. Neither have gotten very good reviews. I loved both totally and completely with all of my heart. Domino has tom waits in it. Elizabethtown has Loudon Wainwright III in it. Two musical artists I am fond of. Elizabethtown also has Alec Baldwin in it briefly. I have a thing for him. It is sort of recent. I think he may be the 2nd most underappreciated genius of our times next to Christopher Walken. Who was in Domino. So you can see why I might have enjoyed these two movies even if they were sort of long and dilly-dallying and needed to be edited a bit more to really be great. So there you go. See them, or don't. I don't fucking care, you lot of parrot-loving bilge-rats, you scalawag swabbies, you lice-infested landlubbers. Argh.

There is a character in Everything is Illuminated who is a ukrainian translator and has some problems with the English language. He reminds me of my friend Yoshi from college. Yoshi was from Japan. He was awesome. He would say the craziest stuff sometimes though. Mostly when he would try to translate japanese common phrases into english. Or when he would open his mouth to talk. He was crazy then too.

There is this Security guard patrolling around the computer lab area trying to look intimidating. I just smirked at him. The back of his right pant leg is tucked into his shoe and his left pant leg is normal. He looks so silly!

Euphemisms for Breaking Up: A Challenge

So in case anybody who reads this doesn't read aunt faintly's blog also, which is doubtful, she wrote a little bit of somethin' somethin' about my family in her last blog entry. So here it is.

Also. I kind of had to break it off with my new friend for reason's I'll probably go into here if I have a drunken posting session soon. But in the mean time, I wish someone would supply me with some good euphemisms for breaking up with someone. That are funny.

Sup, Ya'll

Um. I am sooooooooo bored. Totally totally totally bored. All-encompassingly bordorama-rific.
Yesterday I worked. I answered the phone several hundred times. I called considerably fewer people. I used to call a lot of people. Used to set up a lot of appointments, confirm appointments. Or appts, as I call them. My work shorthand sometimes tries to creep into my other types of writing. Well, actually just here. Since I really don't do a lot of other writing. Back to work. I typed dozens of messages. I talk to patients on the phone and I type messages to the nurses to call the patients back regarding this or that.
Usually they look like this: Dr soandso's rn:patient's blood pressure is high and or low and or he or she is experiencing chest pain, chest discomfort, jaw pain, high pulse, hard heart beat, rapid heart beat, etc. Or patient had labs done 5 minutes ago and is calling to find out if we have results yet. Or patient had labs done 6 weeks ago and never got results. Or had a test done and never got results. Or is returning a call from you. Or is returning a call from somebody but they don't know who it is. Or, mostly commonly, "my heart feels kinda funny, weird, I can't really explain it." There are a lot of things I put in quotes so as to make sure the rn knows that this is what the patient said, not something I would actually say. But a lot of times I just rewrite what they are complaining about more succinctly with an eye for efficiency and get-to-the-freakin'-pointedness. Which reminds me of a conversation I had recently about letters to the editor in newspapers.
I type about 50-100 of these sorts of messages a day. I am a very good little typist. When I first moved here I took a typing test a temp agency. It was the stupidest typing test I've EVER seen. It wouldn't allow you to double space after sentences so basically I had to modify how I type completely in order to take it. I still got about 75-80 wpm. I am much faster now. Since I type so many strange messages all day long. Many of them are the same but quite a few come straight out of the blue. And I have to type a lot of medication names like amiodarone and furosimide and aminophylline and metoprolol and isosorbide mononitrate and isosorbide dinitrate and the list goes on. Like the beat. So my stream of consciousness writing style is all the more perfected now that I can literally type as I think. For the most part. Which leads to stupid crap about my job. BUT! Someday I will read this and think, "oh yeah, that's what that job was like. Fancy that."

So that's what I did yesterday. And today. And Wednesday for that matter. And nothing really interesting happened at work. And nothing really interesting happened at home. And I started realizing.... slowly... that I am not in a play! And when I am in a play all I want to do is have one freaking hour at home when I can just sit around and watch TV or two freaking hours to go see a movie. Or five fucking hours to sleep in and play video games. But when the down time is sort of forced by not having much of a life it sure doesn't seem as great anymore. So it turns into doooown time. But I'm down with that. Yo.

I work in a tiny little box. Little boxes made of ticky tacky. It is actually a room, not a cubicle but it is really more of a walk in closet. With two people. One of those people isn't me. One of them is. Which makes for interesting conversation. Office pitter patter and jibber jabber. Constantly. Today, my cohort is taking a long lunch. Because I told her to. Because I am her pseudo-supervisor and I get to say things like, you have too much overtime, take a long lunch. Biotch. So I get a whole hour to myself. Alone. Answering phones and typing. I cherish this time so much. And yet I complain about spending too much time alone. Huh.

We have a new employee who I will be training on Tuesday. Today and Monday my boss is training him. He will come to me on Tuesday with a general awareness about the job but no real training. He is the husband of another coworker. He is one of 4 men who work in our office, not including the doctors. I worry about him assimilating. He was in the army for a long time. We'll see. I think I like him so far but it is going to me and him and my coworker in this tiny, literally (I measured, just now) 7ftx8ft room. Which makes for a very crowded stressful environment to try to train in. I feel for him.

My friend at work Marie invited me last weekend to go to Red Lobster for drinks and dinner and I did. I met her sister and some other people and they were really funny and fun. Just now, she walked in and invited me to a party she is having at her parent's house while they are away. So that's pretty cool. She said it is not a big party. They may play cards and may watch a movie or something. But Marie is kind of a drunk so I'm sure it will be an interesting "small get-together." I'm not sure for sure if I'll go but I probably will. Unless something else comes up between now and then. Which is possible. Marie reminds me of Sheila. A LOT. Mostly in the way that she has these weird boundaries but you give her one drink and she has NO boundaries at all. Sheila was like that. Probably still is. Oh Sheila. I miss you.

What's the Big Idea?

Rattrap:
My new friend and I have had some conversations recently about religion and politics despite our both being reasonable people who know the pitfalls of discussing this crap. But for the most part we agree on a lot of things. Because of these recent conversations I have been reading up on some atheist writers I had read a little bit on a few years ago when I started to actually "come out" as an atheist. One guy, Anthony Flew, who I only read a little bit about a few years ago, stuck in my head. And today I read that he had renounced Atheism and become a Deist. So now I am reading this interview with him. It is pretty interesting stuff if you are into this kind of stuff. Puffnstuff. You can stuff your sorries in a sack. In A Sack!!

Claptrap:
If you are more audially inclined as a consumer then you might enjoy this: GGch33m.mp3 (audio/mpeg Object)
This link will allow you to listen to the final chapter of my uncle's book Dead Ginney. I am personally featured in it which causes a strange mix of embarrassment and pride. If you listen to it you'll see why.

BLAP!:
I am writing a Sestina. If I don't hate it I'll post it here. If I really don't hate it I'll email it to McSweeney's. I am catching up with Marigold on this. I loooove the sestinas on mcsweeney's. Its like a logic puzzle/creative exercise to try to write one.

Social Firefly

The title of this post is Social Firefly which is from a song by a band called Blast Off Country Style. Which is a band that my friend Jim Shelley introduced me to about 10 years ago. Which is about how long I've known jim shelley. Or not known him, depending on how you look at it. Anyway, it is a great song. I am also partial to their song "I'm a teenage Unicorn" because the lyrics are "I'm a teenage unicorn, please give me some candy corn." And because it is very pretty. Like a unicorn.

The thing is, I kind of feel like a social firefly today. I was sort of planning to go to this thing at the ScienceWorks museum in ashland. It is a beer tasting, music playing, science looking at, type of shin-dig and my new friend is working but I thought I might still check it out for myself. But then I found out that some people I knew in college are going to be playing there. I don't know if any body reading this remembers Zach Rouse. He was kind of a doof but he was a pretty good actor and I did a couple plays with him and his wife Tisha. So this band he is in with Dan Stockwell (who I admire more than almost anyone in the world) is coming all the way from Arcata to play at this thing.
Here is a blurb I found about them. I have seen them play many times in college and in shows. I saw all shows that are mentioned in the article I linked to. They are good together. Not really my favorite type of music but it will bring me back to old times. Good times.
So now I HAVE to go. Also, a friend from highschool of mine, sage meadows, has a band that is playing there. And my friend might be able to meet me after work. Which would be nice but since I will be entertained by old acquaintances it would not be the end of the world if he was unable to.

The other interesting news I have is that one of the doctors at work has asked me to house-sit for him for like the entire month of december. He lives in a big doctor house just outside of Ashland. I am totally excited. It'll be like a vacation. Only I will still have to work. I asked him, "are you sure you trust me?" and he laughed and then said seriously, "I trust you with my life." I don't know if he was joking or not but I thought it was really funny. He has 4 dogs and some fish or something that I would have to not kill. But I'm sure he has all the amenities I would require otherwise. Doesn't that sound like fun?

I'm so excited about all my prospects!

Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen

I have been so out of the loop lately, entertainment news-wise. Eminem is going to retire??? Freddie Prinze Jr has a tv show? Yoko is talking trash again? That fucking whore. I haven't been watching much tv or reading much so today I bought the SF chronicle and flipped right to the datebook section so I can get caught up. Also, I checked google news for entertainment tidbits. So I'm getting back into the swing of things. I want to see Domino. And Everything is Illuminated. Although I think I need to do what alicia did and read the goddamned book before I see the movie.

My sister sent me this funny link
Here is a sample. It is actually a picture of me at work.


There is one near the bottom of the list that is a surgeon. I've seen that one in doctors offices before and it always makes me laugh. I think the chiropractor that becky worked for in eureka had one like that with a doctor and jesus behind him in his office but it wasn't a surgeon. And this office in Ashland that I interviewed for a job a couple years ago had the surgeon one. Hilllllarious. Remember a while back when I posted about that comedian mitch hedberg who died? Monday I went out and bought his comedy album. I've never done that before. People might think that because I like comedy and comedians and I like to see standup movies and stuff that I might own comedy cds but I don't. Only now I do. And you know what? He is still funny. Even dead.
"I don't have a microwave but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit" more quotes

The Big One

I watched Michael Moore's The Big One this weekend. I don't know how old it was but I think it was during Clinton's reelection when Dole was running against him. Much of it is just lectures and book signings from his book tour after writing Downsize This. I read it and liked it but he is so much better in front of an audience or with people around him than he is as just a writer. Still, I love him. The Big One is very light and easy but which much less heart and passion than his other movies. Less polarizing. I recommend it.

I was talking to my dad yesterday at dinner about how much it drives me crazy that the patients where I work are constantly saying things like, "if I live that long" or "if I'm still alive next week." They think it is funny but it really wears on me. Because some of them won't. And when you hear that 20 times every day anything can get annoying. But especially when it constantly reminds you of death and mortality. And they sound so needy and pathetic, feeling sorry for themselves. So if you read this and you say this to people at your doctor's office, keep in mind that they hear this 20 times a day and you are depressing me.

Also, my dad was telling me about one of his uncles who was in the IRA who got sent to New Zealand because he was captured by the British and had to skip town pretty quickly. My dad just watched the motorcycle diaries about che guevara and it reminded him of his uncle because apparently he was a big fan of che's. It made me think about people's personal heroes and how an Irish revolutionary and a Cuban revolutionary live together in this alternate world even though they are on opposite sides of the globe. But mostly it made me mad again that my dad doesn't tell me enough about his family. I don't know if I wrote about it in this blog but once I found a letter to my dad that his cousin Fintan wrote to him from the H-block in Ireland.
It is really weird. He can't write about certain things because they would read all his mail and so it is a very generic and carefully written letter. But he asked my dad to send him a picture of his family, just to make sure that if he does that my dad is not in the picture because they were not allowed to get pictures in prison with any males over the age of 18 in the picture. Secret messages I guess. Not that a woman couldn't give secret messages in a photo. Or maybe seeing pictures of fathers and uncles and brothers incite bad behavior amongst prisoners.

I'm probably going to go see a show tonight at the Cabaret dinner theater in Ashland. So there's that.