Backpedalling on the old Yule Log.

So my dad told me this morning that he can't read my blog anymore if I keep talking about having a penis and other such subjects. The filthiest most obscene, racist, sexist homophobic asshole in the world, my father, was apparently offended by my crudeness. So today he took my brother, nephew, and myself all out to see The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.

I gotta tell you, I have a Christian in my heart somewhere just longing to get out because when that lion died for the sins of that child of Adam I just about was born again. But then he came back to life! What a gyp! What kind of sacrifice is that? Yeah, Jesus died for my sins. But then he came back to life like three days later. I'd die for anyone's sins if it meant a three day vacation away from turn of the millennium day Jerusalem where people were trying to kill me and if I knew I would just be coming back again. Thanks a lot, Jesus. I really owe you one. Here, take my toenail clippings. They'll grow back in three days. You know what is a better allegory for Jesus dying on the cross for my sins? The story of brer rabbit.

"I don't care what you do with me, Brer Fox, says he, "Just so you don't fling me in that briar patch. Roast me, Brer Fox, says he, "But don't fling me in that briar patch."

"It's so much trouble to kindle a fire," says Brer Fox, says he, "that I expect I'd better hang you," says he.

"Hang me just as high as you please, Brer Fox, says Brer Rabbit, says he, "but for the Lord's sake, don't fling me in that briar patch," says he.

"I don't have any string, " says Brer Fox, says he, "Now I expect I had better drown you, " says he.

"Drown me just as deep as you please, Brer Fox," says Brer Rabbit, says he, "But please do not fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

"There's no water near here," says Brer Fox, says he, "And now I reckon I'd better skin you," says he.

"Skin me Brer Fox," says he. "Snatch out my eyeballs, tear out my ears by the roots," says he, "But please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

Of course, Brer Fox wanted to get Brer Rabbit as bad as he could, so he caught him by the behind legs and slung him right in the middle of the briar patch. There was a considerable flutter when Brer Rabbit struck the bushes, and Brer Fox hung around to see what was going to happen.

By and by he heard someone call his name and 'way up on the hill he saw Brer Rabbit sitting cross-legged on a chinquapin log. Then Brer Fox knew he had been tricked.

Brer Rabbit hollered out, "Born and bred in the briar patch. I was born and bred in the briar patch!" And with that he skipped out just as lively as a cricket in the embers of a fire.

See? Brer Rabbit was all prepared to get tossed in the briar patch (for my sins) but it was all just a trick!



That Jesus was a trickster too and that is why Christianity is for the birds.