The problem with the internets is...And Important Aspects of Life in the Modern World Part 2

The problem with the internets is that beauty is the eye of the beholder. Or, instead, I have to actively look for stuff to look at. I can't just passively wait for something to appear in front of my eyes that I find interesting. Unless I use stumbler but has anyone noticed that there is a lot of repetition? I find that stumbler keeps throwing up the same sites for me to look at over and over again. With a practically infinite number of things on the internets I find this statistically abnormal. I want to rely on other people to find good things for me to look at and read every day but the others are not following up on their end of my one sided selfish deal. What is up with that, yo?

That being said, today I wasted almost 2 solid hours reading recaps of television programs on Television Without Pity. I have linked to this page on my side bar to your left. And my left, as it happens. I read the last couple Studio 60 recaps so that I can be told why this show sucks even though I enjoy it (while knowing that it sucks). I also like to read the american idol recaps. Today I read recaps of My So Called Life which was one of those adolescent things that I've never let go of because it was so fantastic and I was so crazy. So who am I kidding? Do I really need more things to look at so that I can waste more time? That depends on what you think of as a waste of time. Maybe in the long run, not in the eternal sense of the long run of course, but in the next 10 - 20 years, maybe I will be better off having extensive contemporary culture knowledge (my new term of choice rather than pop culture). I remember when I was young and was obsessed with Jeopardy and watched it every single day with my parents and sometimes with my older siblings. I was always frustrated at my parents knowledge of past events. They paid attention to stuff when they were young. They read magazines and newspapers and watched tv. My mom always read trashy magazines and my dad made fun of her. But guess who got all the entertainment and arts questions right all the time? My mom. Sure, it would have been nice if they'd have been able to answer any of the sciency/mathy questions but I was angry that they new all this history by virtue only of them having been alive. It wasn't fair. It often led to explanations, however, so I learned a lot playing jeopardy with my parents. They would tell me stories about trivial things that happened when they were kids, reminded of them by trivia questions.

To sum up, as I could go on for days about jeopardy and my childhood, knowing what is happening now, whether it is Brittney shaving her head or the president deciding that he can actually read all of our mail with his particular interpretation of the constitution, knowing these things is preemtively knowing history. And that is what I will tell all the stupid people who I hate who say they don't read newspapers or watch tv or pay attention to popular culture because it is "all bad news" or they like to "make up my own mind about issues." This very smart girl in one of my classes admitted proudly today that she likes to live in a bubble and never watches t.v., never reads newspapers, never listens to the radio. Screw her. Someday her kids will say, "mommy, what was life like when you were a girl?" and she'll say, "sorry dear, I was in a bubble. But the bubble was very shiny and pretty and colorful!"

There was a murder/suicide in Yreka the other day. I spent a couple days not knowing if I knew the dead people because their names were not being released but I did know that they were around my age, the woman being in her late 20s and the man in his early thirties. The man shot the woman in their house, with their children at home, then called 911, then drove under a nearbye overpass and shot himself in his car. Turns out I don't know them. So that's kind of good, I guess.

Also, fuck the beatles. I'm finally sick of them.

THE TEASER teaser trailer

Wahoo!

Important Aspects of Life in the Modern World- Part 1.

Did I tell you that I've been downloading the sarah silverman show to watch? Yeah, well, I have. And I keep forgetting to watch it. I watched the first episode and found it amusing.

And regarding Charlie Rose, I've been searching in vain for gossip about his sexual inappropriateness. Maybe Sara can help me out here. Or maybe she can just SHUT UP! I don't know why I want to know. I'm just interested. I guess it is like when anyone is interested in celebrity lives only Charlie Rose is probably not considered a celebrity to most.

I have things to say. What were they? Ah Yes, Music and Lyrics was actually pretty good. I think my brother-in-law Alex would love it. Just kidding.

In additionally, I wish myspace would just die. First, I hate it. Second I hate that I can't stop looking at it. 3rd, I can't check my message box for some reason and I have messages that I can't read! A#4, Why is Marigold friends with my old humboldt friend Zach? Why? I don't get it. And that is why I've decided to set up a site called fuckyourfacebookspace. At all it will be is people setting up profiles and making friends and connections and commenting on each other's profiles and sending messages to each other, and maybe some bands could put up their music and stuff. But it will be way better than myspace. It will be like myspace 2.0. Speaking of 2.0, my sister's child 2.0 will be launching next month and we still don't have a name, that I know of at least. So here's the deal. Leave a comment with a name suggestion and I'll sign you up for fuckyouspace for free. Oh, that's the other thing. fuckyourfacebookspace costs money to join. That is one reason why it is better than myspace. All names must start with the letter A. Or any of the following letters, that is, those that follow A. But preference will be given to names that start with the letter A. And no names like asshole, assholes. This is for real. This kids whole future could ride on this. Oh, and it is a boy. So anything goes, really. Hoy en dia.

Happy Belated Birthday, Steve!!! Now go crawl under a rock.

Loudy Loud Blond Lady, Shut UP!

I am sitting near a loudy loud blond lady who won't shut up.

So I've been feeling really crappy lately about the fact that I haven't had time to do the things that I like to do most. Like go to the movies. So I decided to go see a movie. And I got here just in time to check my email and get a cup of coffee and then see Pan's Labyrinth, which I really want to see. Also playing, 20 minutes later, is that Hugh Grant Drew Barrymore Claptrap that I can tell I'll really really love out of shame and self loathing. So instead of seeing the really good movie that is nominated for all sorts of awards, I decide to read blogs for 30 minutes, waste time on myspace, and then go see the Hugh Grant Drew Barrymore claptrap. And then I think to myself, this is what I wanted to do in the first place. Secretly. So sue me. I love romantic comedies. I love teen movies. I love seeing these in the theater. I like seeing the stupid movies in the theater that most people say they'll see once they go to DVD. I like to see artsy films at home on DVD. That is just the way it is. Also, I want to do a play again. I'm over my burnt out phase. I've been having nightmares again. Maybe this summer.

Also, I decided I'm not going to move out at the end of this month. My brother has been driving me crazy. Our stove is now a very large hotplate, as the oven and three burners no longer work. The toilet has been broken for like a year and is gerryrigged for minimal functioning. And now the sprayer in the sink is the only thing that water will come out of. HOWEVER, despite all of this and despite the fact that I am starting to hate my brother, I have decided to wait until I find out if I am accepted anywhere before I move out. If I am accepted somewhere then I'll wait until the end of the summer to move out. If not, I'll move out as soon as I know I didn't get in anywhere. Problem solved. For the time being. Never live with your siblings. NEVER! Don't do it. Even if they have cute children and dogs. Especially if they have cute children and dogs because then you'll never want to leave because your guilt might ruin you.

How long?

How long before we just starting calling it Vagilentines Day? How long??? Not long at all, as it turns out.

Today there was a march on Washington via the plaza in Ashland. The students are angry. And they are like, totally, like mad and stuff and they are totally not going to take it anymore, ya'll. Budget Crisis. Boring.

Oh, and as it turns out, I WAS punished for my hubris. That's why I have diabetes. God told me last night in my dreams. It all makes sense now.

Happy Vagina cleaning day! Here, you can borrow my Brillo pad. Really get in there. In the crevices. Oh, watch out! You missed a spot. The G-spot. Easy to miss, really. Not your fault.

Podcasts

If I was a crazy person, I would just memorize the current year and the current president and then go about my business. No one seems to ever need to know more than that.

I recommend, if you are inclined, getting NPR and IPR podcasts like This American Life and Fresh Air. I feel so free that I am able to listen to these things any time I want.

I think I could live in my car for quite a while. The hospital where I work has a shower. But where to park? Do you park in the same place every night? Or do you drive around and find 4 or 5 places to rotate too and from?

I had interesting dreams last night.

I would park near the hospital I think. But then ambulances might wake me up. That would be annoying. And do you just have to have battery powered everything? Alarm Clock, etc. I would try to find and steal travel sized things like you find in motels.

I have never had a garbage disposal. I wouldn't miss that.

P.S. Do you like my new picture? I do.

P.P.S I almost forgot!!! The other night Charlie Rose had Ted Kennedy on his program. I think I've mentioned before that I love the Charlie Rose Program and that I love Charlie Rose. If you've never seen his show before you really need to. It is on PBS. Here it plays at 11pm and 11:30am every day except saturday and sunday. But anywho, Ted Kennedy said something to the effect of "The Budget is a moral document that shows what the nation's priorities are." Or something like that. That isn't an exact quote but it is very close. I just thought this was a great quote and I think he might have gotten it from somewhere else. But I don't know.

Bored, at work

Bored, at work, I've been goooogling. I decided to look up my hometown in wikipedia which led me to the City Chamber of Commerce's website, which in turn led me to some "attractions" that the Chamber of Commerce are advertising, which led me to this.

"YREKA & ALL OF SISKIYOU COUNTY IS BIKER FRIENDLY
The uncrowded roads of Siskiyou County offer motorcyclists incredible riding experiences. The vast open roads that crisscross California's northern most central county, geographically the fifth largest county in the state, are lightly traveled and provide breathtaking scenery at nearly every turn.
Yreka, [you pronounce the "Y"] the seat of Siskiyou County, is located adjacent to Interstate 5 at the northern end of the majestic Shasta Valley just twenty-two miles south of the Oregon border. Being the largest city in the county, with a mere 7,290 population, Yreka offers travelers the most inclusive list of services throughout Siskiyou County. Motorcyclists visiting this rural historic community will quickly discover that Yreka businesses, like the roads, are "biker friendly".
Bikers can expect roads that course along wild and scenic rivers and historical county byways that pass along open miles and miles of outstanding rural scenery. You'll go through historic communities, along old stage routes and even right past the site of the last lynching in California which is just down the road from the scene of the last stagecoach robbery which took place in the Golden State. "

I highlighted the last sentence for emphasis but the blue print is from the original page. When I see blue print on a website I think that this is because there is a link. Not so in this case. I think they just really wanted to point out that Yreka is "Biker Friendly" and that it is the proud home of the "last lynching" in California. Not to mention the "last stagecoach robbery." I am so proud of my hometown. And what they are proud of, I am proud of.

Curse of Tippecanoe and Tyler Toooo.

I was trolling around Wikipedia, looking for random tidbits of presidential trivia in case Alex Trebec calls me up and asks me to try out for Jeopardy again and I came across the page for William Henry Harrison, the guy who only lasted 30 days in the White house before he died of a cold. (What a sissy) Anywho, I came across this very interesting tidbit which I think I had read about many years ago but has become relevant again. Here is the link to the whole article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_Tecumseh

In short, "The term Curse of Tippecanoe (also known as the presidential curse, zero-year curse, the twenty-year curse or Tecumseh's curse) is sometimes used to describe the pattern where, from 1840 to 1960, every United States President elected (or reelected) every twentieth year has died in office. The only president to die in office outside of this pattern was Zachary Taylor who was elected in 1848 and died of cholera in 1850, notably a year also ending in zero. The "curse" was "broken" by Ronald Reagan, who was elected in 1980 and survived his presidency, despite having been shot in an assassination attempt 69 days into his presidency. The next president in the line is the current president, George W. Bush, who was elected in 2000."

Isn't that crazy? That's all for now. I just wanted people to be aware. (P.S. I think that Reagan was assassinated and that the guy who took over for him was a stand in they used for him in his Hollywood days.)

P.S.S Listen, folks, I'm not saying you should go out and kill the current president. I'm not saying that at all. Just let the curse take care of things. And if your hand is what the curse decides to use as its agent, well, that is just Indian curse magic at work and not you.

Porn in a Store. Store bought Porn. Corn on the cob. That is to say, Port in a Storm.

So my family had very little to say about my flash in the pan fame yesterday even though I specifically asked them to talk about me some more. I guess they were a little worried about popso who has been in Florida for the past week. Right outside of Orlando. Right outside of This:

Whatever. That jerk is always stealing my thunder. And by "that jerk" I am referring of course to Florida and not to my father. (Although my father is a jerk, I would most likely refer to him as a jagoff or a nancyboy) As far as I know he lived and is back in sunny, natural disaster free California. But seriously, isn't Oregon great? I mean, when was the last time you heard of a natural disaster in Oregon? It has been a while, no? And even when there is a wild fire, chances are that it is far away from where people live. I'm never leaving. Unless I get accepted to school in Washington or New York and then I'm on the first bus out of this shitsville.

Speaking of Shitsville, why did all my friends like Idiocracy so much? I thought it was kind of crappy. There were some funny parts and the beginning felt like things were going to get really funny, but it never really delivered. On the funny. Especially compared to Office Space. My brother and dad didn't like it much either. I read some reviews of it to see if I am the crazy one and generally the reviews said about the same thing. It had some funny parts, and it had the potential to be really funny, but it just wasn't that great. I am disappointed in those who recommended it to me so strongly. But I can see how it would seem like a movie I would love. I did really love the premise. Oh well.

Remember in college when I had a Christian Bale movie marathon? Those were good times. I've been having my own little Christian Bale movie marathon by getting all the movies I'd never seen of his off of Netflix. So far, so good. So good. Most of the movies are crappy but did I mention that they have Christian Bale in them? Recently I watched Equilibrium, All the Little Animals, and Royal Deceit, AKA The Prince of Jutland. All three had these surprisingly incredible casts. Royal Deceit alone has about 500 of the most A-list of English Actors. Gabriel Byrne, Helen Mirren, Brian Cox, Kate Beckinsale, Tom Wilkinson, not to mention Christian Bale. But mostly all three were all crappy.

Lastly, after I made fun of that list on that guy's blog, I got to thinking that now I really want to answer the questions for real. I'm hoping maybe my aunty tuney and some of my blog friends like justin and alicia and marigold and steve and sara and my sister might post their lists here too, for fun. So here is my real list.

Movie-in no particular order Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Bottle Rocket, Velvet Goldmine, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Wizard of Oz.

Play-Probably M. Butterfly. Or Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. Or Arcadia. Or Angels in America.
Film Director-Maybe Soderbergh, or Jarmush, or Lynch. Probably Lynch? Wes Anderson? I can't say really.
TV Show -The State. Honorable Mention goes to Stella and Runners up are The Office, Conan O'Brien, The Daily Show, and Newsradio.
TV Movie or Mini-series-Roots, Helter Skelter, or Pride & Prejudice. Or The Secret Garden. Or all that Ken Burns stuff, New York and Baseball and The Civil War.

Playwright-Shaw/Stoppard/Kushner
Album - Court & Spark(Joni Mitchell) or Last Man On Earth (Loudon Wainwright III)
Novel-Cat's Cradle or To Kill a Mockingbird. or Enchantment. Or Catcher in the Rye.
Short Story-Just Before the War with the Eskimos-Salinger, or All in a Summer Day-Bradbury, or Forgiveness-Rebecca Brown.(That last one is so great!)
Novelist-Salinger or Vonnegut or Atwood. Eugenides?
Composer- Bach or Gershwin or Copeland
Classical Piece-Bolero
Opera-Madama Butterfly or Norma
Actor-Christian Bale
Actress-Laura Linney or Kate Winslet or Samantha Morton or Emma Thompson
Dancer-Donald O'Connor or Savion Glover
Beatle-George
Poet-Dickinson or Heaney or Stein
Non-Fiction Book-Guns, Germs, and Steal.
Painting- Paula Rego's The Family
Singer - Joni Mitchell or Cat Stevens or David Bowie. Or Jack Black.
Sculpture - Michael Jackson and Bubbles -Koons
Architectural Structure - The Great Pyramid or Stonehenge or Casa Batllo(anything Gaudi made)
Pope -N/A
Philosopher-Lyotard, does Chomsky count? Marx.
Dixie Chick - Natalie, by far and away.
Marx Brother - N/A

Maybe I hate lists because I can never make up my mind. Or because I don't really like this list. I should make my own list.

The circle of life...continues.

Some guys said this:
Amandapants, I just checked out your website and now I know why you don't like Mick. He looks just like you. Put a wig and a pair of glasses on him and he could star in AMANDAPANTS: THE MOVIE


and then some lady said this:

Oh dear. Amandapants does resemble Mick. In fact, she looks more like him than I do (http://www.myspace.com/dianaaventina


I don't see the resemblance



I've asked my family to weigh in on this controversy. We have a family email list and it is all abuzz with questions and comments. Actually, they are ignoring me and have moved on to other things. I have not.

Mick LaSalle had this to say:

Update: Concerning the Amanda-Mick resemblance, discussed in your comments to yesterday's post: I did have many a night's revel as a randy underclassman, but so far as I recall my revels did not take me to Oregon. So -- even though a public reconciliation with a long-lost daughter would be a cherished thing -- I think this may just be another case of great minds looking alike.

Meta-Meta Blogging

Check this out. Blogging about blogging about blogs about blogs. And also blogging. And Bloggo-blogerific-style. Blog it up!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/mlasalle/detail?blogid=38&entry_id=13039#readmore

(Mick LaSalle is in love with me)

P.S. Hi to all the sfgate/Mick LaSalle blog readers checking out my little blog! I appreciate your attention because I am an attention starved whore.

Rosy Cheeks, No Warts. Plays games, all sorts.

I wish I had friends and that every Friday night we had game night. We would play scattergories and taboo and pictionary and apples to apples and headbanz. With a Z. Espero que un dia mis amigos y yo juguemos juegos y tengamos un buen tiempo. I am learning the subjunctive tense in Spanish and it agrees with me. I feel like I am finally getting better at speaking. My reading and listening comprehension is way better than my speaking or writing.

Molly Ivins died. That was sad. Sarah Silverman has a new TV show. That's pretty cool. The academy awards are coming up soon. I've applied to two grad schools and have one more to go. So there's that, which is pretty awesome. I really don't think I'm going to get in anywhere and the more time and money and effort I put into it, the more depressed and hopeless I feel regarding any chance I have. I've been trying to come up with a Plan B and the only think that I had really thought about doing is this program at SOU for human resources but now I found out that this program is most likely going to be cut as the school is in this big budget crisis and are getting rid of majors and firing teachers and even laying off tenured professors. So I don't really have a plan B now. No, not much of plan B at all.