I want to live with a cinnamon girl, I could be happy the rest of my life with a cinnamon girl.

I ran into my unavoidable parallel life leading spectral shadow force who follows me all my life, aka Laurel, and she let me know that she saw the back of my head in the newspaper. Here is the article with the back of my head: Clickity Clack Clack, Backity Back (of my head)

(Laurel is this girl I went to grade school, high school, and college with and who lives here in town and is now, I found out today, going back to school at SOU at the same time I am! Bizarre. That is a whole story I could go into that is actually kind of interesting because we really aren't friends at all but have known each other since birth and have lived in the same towns and gone to the same schools and been friends with the same people forever.)

Explanation of titles of my posts from now on: I have been downloading my two favorite songs off of every album I own starting backwards Alphabetically. The title today is from Neil Young's Cinnamon Girl. I will be quoting a line from every song in reverse alphabetized order by artist (or album if it is a musical or compilation) This will make my blog titles totally awesome.

Happiness Is...

Heaven is, actually. Heaven is buying squishy "DJ Style" head phones, the big ole' ones because I felt like going old style. Heaven is sitting at your favorite coffee shop in the whole world with your new laptop and your free internet and your squishy headphones and your sugar free vanilla latte and surfing the net like a mo-fo. I can listen to music or watch awesome things like the chronic of narnia (what?) as much as I want and as loud as I want and be in my own little world. That is what heaven is.

Networking

Has everyone seen that movie Network? With the mad as hell guy? That is a great movie. Just thought I'd clue you in on that. Now that I have a laptop and go to places with wireless internet services like coffee shops and libraries, etc, people keep asking me technical questions like I am some sort of computer geek. Wireless network questions, laptop questions, questions about cell phones. I don't even have a cell phone! I give them vague yet seemingly knowledgeable answers. Like, "Gee, I don't know fuckface, why don't you go bother somebody who cares?" I can't stand it.

My play opens this Monday night. It is called Arthur's Dreams. I guess I could say a little something about it here. "Plug it" so to speak. Since no one reading this will actually go see it. Thank God. The titular "Arthur" is an old man who starts having these crazy dreams about times gone by. Druids, Pagans, Pilgrims, and World War 1, just to name a few. The actor playing him just turned 90 years old. Jesus Christ almighty. But the main story is kind of a weird take off of A Christmas Carol. I think it is, anyway. The main character is this guy who is a mean curmugeonly professor who gets fired, his wife leaves him, and his kids, one of whom is his gay piano playing son, hate him. I play his brooding black wearing photographer daughter who is visiting home for the Holidays. It takes place over the week between Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. There is more to it but I'm already bored just describing it. Here's a link to a story about the process if you are at all interested.

Arthur's Dreams story

The lines are super cheesy, the director, writer and other design people are all insane. The sad part is that this is probably the most accomplished, professional, and intelligent cast and crew I have ever worked with and we are all constantly complaining about what a piece of shit this show is.

Today the director, who is himself in his late 70's, handed me this note.

Mandy Murphy
NO BS! REALLY REALLY REALLY ENJOY WATCHING YOU WORK. Such honesty. Such warmth.

GO FOR A LITTLE MORE VOICE. TAKE TIME TO BREATHE - ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE THINKING.

LET YOURSELF LOVE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU MORE OPENLY. KNOW YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM.

I think it is funny that he prefaced this with "no bs" because it is almost impossible in the world of the theater to know if someone is telling you the truth or not. It was a nice note to get after an otherwise impossible rehearsal process.

Life, it seems becomes a series of networking opportunities with stupid projects that I don't care about in between.

While I was writing this, I fell in love with the classical guitar player in front of me. He was being harassed by a drunken vagrant who seemed to know a little about the guitar and music in general and kept putting dollar bills in his tip basket and requesting songs for his brother whose birthday it is today. Classical Guitar playing guy, whose name I have learned is Eddie because drunk vagrant asked him 4 times what it is, classical guitar playing guy Eddie just kept on playing and politely tried to disengage the drunk and finally put his guitar down and just sat there until drunk guy left. But he got a few bucks out of the painfully awkward and irritating moment. I am going to tip him when I leave. And by tip him, I mean give him a blowjob.

Into the 21st Century, Spackleface!

I only have 15 minutes before class starts. I haven't done the reading for class today but I have a good reason. I got my new laptop in the mail yesterday!!!! So guess what I am doing? Blogging on my new laptop at the coffee place in the library between class! I am sooo totally with it now. Totally with the times. You can't stop me. I'm on fire! Sweet. Now I just need an i-pod and my life will be complete. Completely Complete. Maybe next quarter when I get my next financial aid check. Just kidding.

Cute things Jack said recently:

Me: Isn't it late at night and time for you to go to bed?

Jack: No, cause me and my dad, we're nocturnal.

and also,

Jack: Why do I get so many time outs?

Me: Why do you think?

Jack: I don't know. Is it when I turn things upside down?

Me: Did you turn something upside down that you weren't supposed to turn upside down?

Jack: I don't know. Maybe that's why.

This prompted a quick look around the house to see if he had turned something upside down that wasn't meant to be upside down. He hadn't that I could see so I can only assume this is something he did at his mom's house.

and also he often states now a days, "That's crazy. You are cracking me up. You silly old bear." Which I think is very cute.

Not so cute - Jack to my brother: Are you and Mandy going to get married?

That poor kid is going to be so confused for a good long time.

And The Fits Just Keep On Coming

I am reading a book for a class that is a real page turner. Now, is this book just an easier book to read than the books I used to have to read in my old college days or am I older and wiser and therefore more able to actually sit down and enjoy reading even when it is assigned? I'm hoping for the latter.

The book is called Disgrace and it is by a South African dude named J.M. Coetzee which reminds me of J.D. Sallinger and J.G. Ballard. People who go by their first two initials are self importants. I had a boyfriend once who was going to go by A.R. once he was a famous whatever. What a dork.

The book reminds me of David Mamet's play Oleana. I am going to discuss why in class tomorrow. Just thought I'd give you all a heads up, in case you are planning on coming to my class tomorrow to discuss the book. Get ready for some comparisons to the play Oleana. Watch out! I have a fever!

I really liked the pirate meeting sketch last night on snl with peter saarsgaarrrrd. And I liked Peter Saarsgard's Sars Guards. And although it started out slowly, the one with him in the hotel room without the remote was very funny and really well written. And probably hard to do with cue cards. What with the timing and all.

I cut and colored my hair. It turned out kind of burgundy-ish but all in all, fairly stylish and sophisticated looking. I look very sophisticated in the play I am in. I wear a lot of black. And boots that go up to my knee and make me very tall. And skirts and slacks. I should dress like that all the time. I would get so much more respect. I even found a calvin klein black overcoat at the good will for 15 dollars. It looks brand new. The good will lady was overcome with glee over my "terrific find." She really showed me some good will. And then I took her out back and showed her some bad will. But she was willing. Because you know what they say about the willing.

Itemized

Topic 1 - Advice for the lovely Filipinas

Opportunity for Marigold or possibly a compatriots of hers that I found in the newspaper yesterday. Always looking out for you ladies. You know which ones I mean.

Tuition Paid In Full
I'm a prominent local business man who is looking to hire a Filipino woman, age 18+, to help acclimate, my Filipino fiance to the United States. I'm looking for a companion who will attend the university with her and help her adapt to living in the U.S. In exchange for your services, I'm willing to pay for all your school costs, including tuition, housing, meals and transportation. Please call my cell for details, 503-336-5134, ask for David, or E-mail:
dswygant@yahoo.com
Announcements - Mail Tribune - 01/17/2006

Topic 2-My studies

I totally kicked ass on that question assignment. Not only did I get all the rules and regulations correct but the damned professor read my damned question aloud and said that it gave him "maybe 1% more faith in the education system." Of which he had very little to begin with, in case you didn't catch that. Very little. He hates us so much. All of our piddling thoughts rattling around in our poo-poo diaper baby minds. That is his subtext in his lectures at least.

Topic 3-What to rent/buy/look at.

For those of you who have netflix or a cool video store near by, rent DIG! It is a documentary (rockumentary, if you will) about a sort of a kind of a rivalry between two bands from Portland over about 7 years or so. The bands are the Dandy Warhols, who you may have heard of before (I had because my brother's friend Harold grew up with the lead singer and because one of my old roommates had one of their CDS) and another band called The Brian Jonestown Massacre. Clever, huh? Anywho, it is a great movie and I bought a CD of the B J Massacre and it is really good. I would describe it as Hippie-Indie-Psychedelic-Folk-Rock. But my listening experience is definitely enhanced by having seen the movie.

Topic 4 - Baby Names

My first suggestion is Hibiscus Haske because it has many nice qualities. Alliteration, Consonance, and it is a flower of sorts. Or a plant I guess. Also, it is Unisex.

I have lots of other suggestions. Like an abortion. Then I don't have to worry so much about this goddamned baby's name. Or you could always put it up for adoption. I think a great pro-life propaganda message could be thought up if someone would make something catchy out of adoption and option. I would, but I hate those pro-lifers. Hmmm.. Maybe I could make something up using prolife and prophylactic. Something clever is hidden there. Something. I guess we'll never really know. In the end.

Topic 5 - My life at large

Things are going okay, I guess. I am rehearsing for a play that I don't talk about much because it sort of sucks but things are coming together. As they usually do. My parents will be returning from a Mexican cruise in a couple days. I am jealous because I have always wanted to go "cruising" in Mexico. If you know what I mean. And if you've seen Brokeback Mountain, I'm sure you do. By the way, Heath Ledger will NOT be getting an Oscar for Casanova. A charming movie but utterly forgettable. One of my professors dislikes me. I can tell by the way she snears at me and finds ways to disagree with every comment I make. Stupid Bitch. She is my Women Writers professor. Maybe she can sense my hostility toward my own "fairer sex." Or maybe it is because I called Abigail Adams "Johnny's Bitch." And Sojourner Truth, "That uppity loudmouth bitch." Wait until we get to Virginia Woolfe. What a bitch she was.

But seriously folks, I spew nothing but the finest liberal feminist leaning rhetoric that Humboldt State University's English Department had to offer, at times paroting things that my former professors actually said about the stuff I'm having to re-read, and it's like she has this idea of me as a conservative possibly religious door mat and/or rightwing male establishment apologist. Or maybe I am reading too much into this. I just want people to like me.

How are my classes going? I'll tell you how my classes are going.

Putting myself in danger of failing a class I've decided to post this email I got from one of my professors. The class is "War in the Modern World." History 399. The teacher's name I emitted because he seems a bit whacked and I wouldn't want him googling himself and inadvertently finding this blog and then failing me because he is a cry baby.

Folks,

Please submit your weekly question this week by email. In order for your submission to be accepted, it must conform to the following format:

1. Subject line-- Hst 399: Week 1
(there must be a space between "Hst" and "399," one after the ":", and one between "Week and "1").

2. On the first line of the body of the email, put your name (first last), a blank space after your last name, then a forward slash ("/") followed by "Week 1" (do not include the quote marks).

3. Hit "enter" twice and then put in your question. I suggest you write and spell check your question in your usual word processor and then "paste" your it into your email. If you don't know how to do this, find out. It's basic. Make sure there is a blank line between the first line (the one with your name) and your question.

4. Unlike a regular email, do not begin with "Dear Dr. (name changed)Schmoctor" and do not end it by "signing" your name.

5. Here is an example of the message body (do not put in the dashed lines shown below):

---------------------------
Todd Schmoctor(name changed slightly) /Week 1

Given all the advances in civil rights, workers rights, and women's right made in the United States in the decades after the Civil War, and also considering the widespread availability of both education and psychological therapy throughout the twentieth century, why at the beginning of the twenty-first century are there still more horses asses than there are horses?
---------------------------

Please take a few minutes when you send your question to conform to these few format rules.

Best regards,

Todd Schmoctor

Ahhh... College. Ahhh... Anal professors. This is just taking me back, let me tell you what. Like the time a teacher in the drama department at Humboldt gave an assignment to write down everything that our character says about our own character, everything that the other characters say about our character and anything at all in the script that is written about our character. And when I turned it in she made me take it home and retype it because I hadn't put quotes around each line. And docked me a grade. Because it was late. Because that's how to learn acting. I can't tell you how much this exercise has helped in my dramatic career since that class. I now put "quotes" around everything. Like when I talk about my "education" or the "theater department" at "Humboldt state university." Fuckwads. Fantastic fuckwads.

Actually, I love this history teacher guy. He is completely insane and a total asshole but I think he is great until he screws me over. The first day of class he was going over the syllabus and was reading to us that our papers and essays should be clear and lucid and this fat kid behind me asked, "what do you mean by lucid?" and the professor said, "I mean what everyone who uses the word lucid means." and then went on. And the kid behind me muttered "asshole." It was great. That fat kid was so embarrassed. As well he should be. Idiot. Horses Ass.

And my sister got me a great deal on an awesome laptop!!! I am so excited. I will be totally in with all the cool kids now. Well, not until I get a cell phone. But well on my way!! Sweet. What else. Oh yeah, I support the law.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Time may change me, but I can't change time. You know what they say. So I quit my job and I am now attending classes full time at Southern Oregon University. A fine institution if you ask me. Good enough for my mom and good enough for my dad. Not good enough for my brother and sister who both took classes here but not for long. So we'll see. I have a tendency to repeat their mistakes because it is alls I knows.

People are having babies. People are getting married. The circle of life... continues. The manzelles and the hebras and the elusive gazelvis are still running from the bad Boyotes. And here I am back again taking notes and rolling my eyes. But this times gonna be different! I'm gonna be a contender!

I ran into an old yreka chum of mine at the movie theater yesterday. Stacy Alger. Good times with old Stacy. She is married and 3 months pregnant. This is beginning to feel like some sort of conspiracy. She lives in Medford now and I'm hoping to hang out with her a little. She was actually a kind of interesting person and smart and funny for the most part. By Yreka standards. I also saw BrokeBack Mountain and I totally think Heath Ledger is going to win the hell out of that Oscar. And then he'll gay-sex the hell out of it. He'll show that Oscar who's boss. Oh yeah.

Also, coffee shop guy who I love whose name is Phil and has been working at this coffee shop by the movie theater for like over 3 years now and so doesn't really show many prospects in the way of an education or career but with whom I am still in love with, asked me if I was going to go see Jeff Tweedy's acoustic show in Portland on February 4th. And told me where it is and how to get tickets. Like we talk bout this all the time and we are best friends. About a year and a half ago I mentioned to him that I really like Wilco and that I've seen them play twice which is the truth. And since then Phil and I usually exchange two or three words about coffee and the weather and that sort of thing and now, out of the blue, he is clearly asking me to meet him in Portland and share a whirlwind romantic weekend in which I watch him and Jeff Tweedy make out. Well, I had just come from seeing Broke Back Mountain so I am probably exaggerating the making out with Jeff tweedy part but the rest of it was so obvious. In the past, I would have totally freaked out about this as being some amazing signal that he loves me but now that I am old and jaded I just think ahead to me driving to Portland and seeing Phil with some tall blond girl who is tastefully dressed like an indie yuppie whore and then he sees me and comes over to introduce me to his girlfriend's short chubby glasses wearing indie yuppie dressed lesbian friend Esther. Well fuck you Phil! I'm not driving up to Portland just to run into you at some show when I can go to the coffee shop any time I want and stare at you! Why doesn't he ever ask me if I'm going to go see something locally so that I can accidentally run into him there? Why Portland on February 4th and why after so long? Hmmm..Maybe he is as socially stunted as I am. In which case I don't love him anymore. Because that would make him a complete loser who works in a coffee shop for a living.

But he sings along loudly to all sorts of songs all the time when he is working. AND ON KEY, which is very important. So I guess I'll still love him for that.

I was going to go into some stuff about the classes I am taking but I got sidetracked. Another time.

Dilemma

So the question is this: On my last 1 1/2 days left of work do I work as busy as a little beaver and try to get as much done as possible so that I don't leave any loose ends for other people to have to work on, OR... Do I just pretend I am working as busy as a little beaver and that I got so much done but I just have these few loose ends for someone else to have to work on. I have a feeling it will be something in between. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, so to speak. Now there's a man I wouldn't mind kissing between the cheeks, so to speak. Did anyone else see arrested development the other night when Michael had his brother in law David cross record the things he says and play them back to himself because of the homoerotic innuendos he is always making on accident? That was so funny.

Is it weird to be in love with Will Wheaton?