Christ almighty Mass of crap Christmas

Merry Christmas. Merry fucking Christmas. My brother has a song where he just goes on and on with variations on Merry Christmas. Merry Money grubbing Christmas. Merry Jesus Christ-on-a-Stick with a frog up an oil-man's asshole Chrrrristmas. And so on. It makes me laugh everytime.

So I am Back in Mr. Dr. Schmoctor's house having just come home from our office Christmas party and I have my awesome tunes playing and a fat tire in my fist. In my little tiny fist. I do like me some fat tire amber ale. Mostly because of the name and the picture of the red bicycle on the front. So much depends on a red bicycle. I only had one glass of wine at the party. But I must say, it was a really good glass of wine. It was a pinot noir, for you wine aficionados out there. And it was all buttery and delicious like Barbara Streisand. Ampersand. If I was a writer for sesame street and I was going to do an episode on punctuation I would have a puppet named Barbara Ampersand like the one they have called Meryl Sheep. Sesame street is quality programming. I love watching it on Monday mornings with my nephew. It is one of my favorite parts of the week. It is so much better if you watch it with a real life kid instead of just one inside of all of us.

Now that I have constant access to the internet I have run out of things to do on it. Steve got me addicted to web soduku and webboggle. I am not as good at webboggle as I thought I would be. I usually only get in the rankings between 30 and 40. But I'm getting better. Soon I will be unstoppable. It reminds me of this game I used to play on America Online at my grandmama's house called scrambler. I wonder if there is anywhere on the internet that has this game with other people playing it? I bet there is. The point is, I wish someone would tell me other cool things to do and play with on the internet. Or the "e-net" as my popso calls it. Dearest Popsicle.

Ah well, back to soduku. Or is soduko? I'll check. I was wrong on all accounts. Sodoku.

Most awesome part of the Christmas party: Joanne, my coworker Marie's sister, calling the cute waiter she wanted to have intimate relations with "the help" right in front of his face. He was pissed off. They will most likely not be having intimate relations.

2nd most awesome part of the Christmas party: The big boss Executive Director wearing a shirt he described himself as similar to a rainbow trout and which I described to Joanne as only a gift a gay lover would give someone. He was dateless... hmmm... Oh, and he sang Porgy and Bess' Summertime whilst playing the piano. At a Christmas party. And then an Elton John song. Hmm... And he is unmarried, childless and a snappy dresser. If he wasn't so smarmy I would totally think he was gay. I can't believe I didn't think so until tonight. He is gay! Of course! This explains so much. If it was snake it would have bit me. If I was a man it would have, at least.

6 people asked me who I was there with and then why I didn't bring a date, and then why am I single, and then why don't I date anyone. And then one of them said her and her husband were "talking about that the other day." Whatever that means. And then she changed the subject quickly when I inquired what exactly they were "talking about." I'm sure they are all at home writing in their blogs that Amanda must be gay. People in glass houses, or whatever.

Plus, look at how cute I was at some point in my life near christmas time!