Have a Scaaaaaary Chanukah!

So here's the deal. I'm working more hours, which is great, I'm writing a lot for my writing class, which is double great, The internet, not my internet, but someone nearby with the internet I've been using for some time now, is down, which is double double dumb ass on you shitty AND SO as a result, I have not been able to work on my podcast. I wanted to do a special halloween podcast and I had intended to put the real life audio from my favorite show ever in the world The State into the podcast. But I'll just have to settle for this transcript. I've put this transcript up for the last three Halloweens here, I think. It never gets old. Unlock your mom's vagina. That shit gets old fast. But it only takes a minute anyway.

(Edit: I of course meant to say "Unlike your mom's vagina" but I didn't notice this error until several hours later. I am loathe to change it. Unlock your mom's vagina is such a great mandate.)

Mike S: Hi. You know, sometimes with all this holiday hustle and bustle, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of Halloween. We observe Halloween to celebrate the birth of Christ. And in celebration of his birth, many traditions have been handed down through the years.

Ben: The hiding of the eggs.

Kevin: The annual pilgrimage to Mecca.

Mike S: Halloween is a day to bring your daughter to work.

Ben: Or your secretary.

Kevin: And it's the biggest shopping day of the year!

Mike S: But most of all, Halloween is a time for young people to gather together spreading holiday cheer by lighting bags of their own crap on fire, ringing the doorbell, and running away. So America, Happy Halloween, or as we like to call it, Chanukah.

All: Have a scary Chanukah!

And you too, you out there, you have a nice nice very nice scary Halloween, alright?

Lies

The thing I said about searching for cognitive behavioral therapy books? That was a g-d lie. Woopsies.

Baking and Partying and Blowing Your Mind.

I baked brownies today. Horrible, horrific brownies. And I added yellow and red food coloring to frosting and squeezed out the word Boo! on several of them. On a few more, I drew orange pumpkins. Pale orange pumpkins. I got tired of trying to add more dye to make it more orange. Half of the brownies weren't cooked all the way through. Those went into my refrigerator for refriger-later. The rest rest atop a gaggle of "autumn" themed dark chocolate M&Ms with a paper towel betwixt the two snacks. This is for a Halloween party I am going to tonight after work. I also bought beer because the invitation I got said "BYOB" which is some sort of code word suggesting that you provide your own libation as the host and hostess are obviously cheap bastards. I hope they read this. Hi Angelina! Hi, Casey!

Baking is fun but always sort of stresses me out because it never turns out right. I am a horrible baketress.

I have been obsessively playing Black & White 2. God I love it. I liked the first Black & White game but there were aspects of it that really annoyed me. Like the fact that it was sort of hard to figure out how to play and what the point was. They fixed a lot of that in Black & White 2. And lord how I love it. Lord love a duck, I love this game.

I've been dog sitting this past week. It is a been a hassle but a rewarding hassle because Chachi Wachi Roy is the best doggy dog in the universe and he is so sweet and nice and he only bothers me a little bit. As long as you pay constant attention to him until he gets tired and decides to sleep, he is a great dog. It was mostly my fault when he ate my sandwich anyway.

Work has been kind of crazy lately. People coming and going and quitting and getting hired and rehired. I don't know who I am anymore. Just kidding. It is not really that existential of a problem. Just ch-ch-ch-changes like David Bowie would say. It bothers me when Ricky Gervais pronounces it Bowie rhyming with Howie but then I think, he is English, he is probably pronouncing it right. But is he? I don't know. Maybe he is doing it just to bother me. I got my aunt hooked on Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's podcast (aka, the Karl Pilkington show) and now she too understands the brilliant radiant mind power and hilarity of Karl Pilkington. When will the rest of you listen to me?

What else. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks! I am planning an extra special Halloween podcast to be recorded and edited Monday and Tuesday. I hope you like ear orgasms because that's what you're in for. Scary.

Peace Out, Fuckwads.

Roman Numerals and Bullet Points and other things

A#1 - Check this out:

Daily Show Archives available for free!!!

I'm so excited. I'm going to watch all of them from time immemorial. I wonder if the Craig Kilborn episodes will be up there. I don't think I ever saw it when he was hosting. Maybe once or twice.

Bullet Point 2 - I watched Gone Baby Gone yesterday. Ben Affleck directed it and it sort of stars his brother. Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris are in it too. It was pretty good. I actually feel like I should recommend it. It is little more than a suped up Law and Order Special Victims Unit episode but it is really well done and well acted, etc. So there you go. Also, one thing that I liked about it is that although Casey Affleck is pretty much the star there is actually a lot of weight put into the standard girlfriend part. I wish there had been more. It really could have been a movie with this couple as the two main characters like a buddy movie or a romantic comedy except in the vain of a sort of thriller drama. It didn't really take this far enough but it was still an interesting change.

Roman Numeral III - I watched the first season of Friday Night Lights and am now all caught up with the new season. Everything that people say about this show is true. You aren't watching it for whatever reason. You don't like football or you don't like high school teen dramas or you don't like television hour long dramas in and of themselves. You probably like this show though. You just don't know it yet. I was telling someone recently that I actually like it despite the football because I am not a football fan in the least. This show is so good, however, that I realized that I don't like it despite the football. I actually like the football. So watch it. You can watch all the episodes from season one on NBC.com or on Netflix. And then watch the new season on Friday nights. I think it is on at 9 or 10pm on NBC. Do it.

Heads up, Seven Up. Milk, Milk, Lemonade. Round the Corner...

I just read this great piece at Slate about the Up series. Has anyone else who reads this seen any of the films? You've probably heard of it. It is this series of films that interviews a bunch English people every seven years starting with the first interviews at age 7. So there's 7 Up, 14 Up, and so on. I'd been trying to keep up with them all ever since I watched the entire series some time before 2000. I think it was 1998. Anyway, the newest film, 49 Up, is out now and I guess it was shown on PBS recently. I watched it on Netflix last month. I recommend checking out this series. Here is a link to the Slate article.

Growing Up Observed
The irresistible appeal and pathos of Michael Apted's Up series.

And if you've seen the others but not this newest one, do you remember Neil? The guy who became a total mess and sort of a schizo and homeless? He is doing much better. It is worth watching just to see that he isn't dead in some ditch somewhere.

Winners, Whiners, and Weiners.

So I won. I'm a winner. Thanks to everyone who voted for me. I really, really, appreciate it. At this point, I'm not exactly sure what the game plan is. I might be question girl on the podcast through a teleconference which is not my first choice but which may be the most convenient in terms of logistics and the time/space continuum. If it were up to me, I'd drive down there the first part of November and visit my sister and do the podcast then. I'm not sure if it is up to me though. We'll see. I'm just worried that if I do it on the phone there'll be a lot of awkward uhs and ums and people cutting people off and people not be able to hear people, etc. But I don't know if they want to wait until November. I'll be old news by then. Old old news.

Also, I moved this week! No more floods, no more slugs, no more teacher's dirty hugs. I love my new apartment. It is lovely. I wrote a poem expressing my feelings toward my new shower.

Oh Shower, Oh Shower!
The way in which your mighty spray
Issues from your thick, strong head
Tis the freshest way to start the day
If only you were in my bed

See you on the flip side, numb nuts.

Oh wait, I'm not done yet! I almost forgot to say that you can listen to the podcast wherein I am mentioned as the winner of the contest HERE. If you get to the part where Question Boy makes fun of my blog and points out a typo then you'll understand why I added a short note to the blurbs below my title here on the blog. For the record, I actually enjoy Question Boy and it makes me feel so horrible when I hear such mean spirited vitriol aimed at me just because he feels threatened. I hope some day we can come to an understanding. I hope some day he'll realize that my quest to be Question Girl was never meant to be a personal attack on his abilities as Question Boy.

Up From The Ashes...

Up from the ashes, grow the roses of success! Disaster didn't stymie Louis Pasteur! Edison took years to see the light! Quite Right!

Etc.

The long and the short of it is that I am totally kicking major emmereffing assssss all over town in this competition. I thought to myself recently, I thought, "They like me, they really, really like me." And also, "Let's face it. If the mothers ruled the world, there would be no God-damned wars in the first place." I just hope I remember to thank my lawyers and Jesus in my acceptance speech.

If you want to see how things are going, click here

Big Fat Loser. Oh Well- UPDATE

I don't think I'm going to win this thing after all people. Turns out, all my lobbying and sucking up to the guy who I thought was going to make the decision backfired because now it is a fucking popularity contest. Ask me how many popularity contests I've won.

"Hey Mandy, how many popularity contests have you won?"

None. None Popularity Contests.

That's how many. I guess I was just a little to Tracy Flick on their asses. A little too much tenacity, not enough likability. A little to much Paris Geller, not enough Rory Gilmore.

But you know what? I'd rather be Paris than Rory any day of the week.

Vote for me here:Question Girl Vote

New Podcast! Question Girl Contest, Emails from Uncle Daddy, New Jingles, and More!

Gabcast! Diapantscast #6 - There's a contest comin' and Amandapants aims to win.

Amanda's bloodthirsty quest to be number one puts her in a dangerous position.