Steve "Stephen" Haske Turns 31 Years Old Today.

Dear Steve,

When I met you in 1996 you looked like this.

Remember how you had that dumb cancer leg girlfriend who had cancer in her leg and walked funny? Yeah. That was lame. Also lame was when you decided never to cut your hair and try to become a dirty humboldt hippy but then you just looked like a girl.

Remember how you cut your hair finally or your mom finally did? But you still wore really ugly sweaters all the time and big white tennis shoes? You probably still wear big white tennis shoes.

And then you broke up with that cancer leg girl or she dumped you, I don't remember. But remember how you dated that cock-eyed girl for a while? Like a week or something? And her one eye went all over the place? And you never knew if she was looking at you or not? Anyway, then you met and married Marigold and things were really looking up for you for a long time even though you really always wanted to marry your mom and even though Marigold is so gay.

For instance, there she is above fondling an imaginary woman's breasts. Honk Honk, Marigold!And below here she is checking out my sweet sweet candy-ass.

Anyway, we've had some good times but mostly really bad times. Like when I had to sit next to you and this pregnant chick at that wedding. That was really bad.

And this time you tried to eat my face off and I had to kick you hard in the nuts.

Even still when you think of when I kicked you in the nuts you make faces and body poses like this one.

And even though I kicked you hard in the nuts you managed to knock up Marigold twice and at least once you had a baby who you named Fuckleberry and who might not turn out as retarded as you are as long as you take the necessary precautions.

Good Job Steve!