Harbinger, wallbanger. I hardly know her.

So here is a quick rundown of events.

I've been good, thanks for asking. I've not blogged for like 6 days or something. I'm not dead. I have an alive body. It is functioning. I'm fine, thanks. Get off my back. I'm going on a trip tomorrow. It is going to be rad. It is going to be to San Jose to see my fambily and my brother-in-law and sister have their movie in this Film Festival. It is in San Jose. Here is a link to it. If you are in the Bay Area you should go see it. It rules, I'm guessing.

http://www.cinequest.org/indexCQ.php

Also, I am going to hold a competition. The competition starts now. It will be like the 7th caller competitions on radio shows. Instead of calls, however, the competetion will be for commentors. I was invited to my first same-sex marriage wedding nutpials to take place in Tacoma Washington on July 7th. This is an important day. Not only is it Ringo Star's birthday but it is also the day after the president's birthday and the day after my birthday (I have the same birthday as George W. Bush. I know, right?) This is my 30th birthday. the big 30. I love weddings but I'm mad that I go to all the weddings I've gone to in the last few years SOLO. I need a date to the wedding. If you are the 7th commentor on this post you have the first shot at being my date to the wedding. It is a lesbo wedding, not a man on man wedding if that makes a difference too you. Also, if we are not related we get to make out at the wedding if you're up for it. If we are related and you win the contest we will not make out because I will not stand for incestual faggotry or any other types of incestuals.

Good luck to each of you.*

Oh, and here's a google chat transcript between me and Bishop Desmond Tutu.

me: Guess what is on T.V. tonight?
America's funniest homo videos.
OH MY GOD.
I JUST INVENTED SOMETHING
AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOMO VIDEOS!
I SHOULD BLOG ABOUT THIS.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: STOP YELLING AT ME
me: STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO
Hey, guess what?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: no
you just tell me
me: oh kay
Lost is on tonight
Bishop Desmond Tutu: you're pregnant!
Oh, shit!
me: yes, pregnant with pauses.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: It IS thusday!
me: IS
STOP YULLING AT ME.
YELLOW
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I forgot!
I remembered this morning
then forgot until just a second ago
me: you have a just a second long memory scan
Bishop Desmond Tutu: JAPPO
me: JAPPO-NOODLE SOUP
japa
japanoodle
Bishop Desmond Tutu: PREGGO JAPPO NOODLE SOUP
I suggested some names for the voutouvans baby
me: how much is one half of one quarter japanoodle?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Stavros Kikkoman
me: Japanoodle
lol
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Sushi Falafel
and
Hiro Gyro
me: John Stamos Pat Morita.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: You should suggest that one
me: I WILL
angelina thinks your hair in the sink was gross on your blog
I told her to shut her trap
shut her dirty dick-hole
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Did you slap her in the vagina?
me: yes
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Good
me: well, it was less a slap and more a tickle
speaking of lesbos
Bishop Desmond Tutu: the isle of lesbos
me: do you want to go to a lesbo wedding with me in Tacoma Washington?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Becky?
me: On the day after my 30th birthday?
YES!
Bishop Desmond Tutu: The Beckster?
me: The very one.
the one and the same.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Would we have to pretend to be a lesbo couple?
me: "pretend"
Bishop Desmond Tutu: And I was artifically inseminated?
me: "artificially"
Bishop Desmond Tutu: And we have two sons who we are raising gaywad
me: "sons"
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Well, I suppose you inseminated me with someone else's semen
me: with a turkey gobble.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I saw that on a baby story once
me: I saw it too.
on a baby story.
When are you having your new baby?
the good one.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: You are pregnant!
Only preggos watch a baby story
me: NOT TRUE
Bishop Desmond Tutu: The day after your birthday
me: woo hooo!
Bishop Desmond Tutu: June 11
me: in Jew-lie
Bishop Desmond Tutu: your new birthday is June 10
me: that isn't my birthday
oh
good
I always wanted to be a gemini
my aunt's is june 12th
Bishop Desmond Tutu: The day you were re-born into Jesus's loving arms
me: born again
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I'm actually working on Cory energyface's wedding invuations right now
me: isn't he already married?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: they say "Cory 'n" Natalie 4 EVA
me: I"m thinking of that other one.
the retard.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Courtney
He's having a baby
me: OH MY GOD, YOU SHOULD GET A SCREEN CAPTURE PICTURE OF THAT MOVIE WITH MARKY MARK AND JUNE ALISON I MEAN REESE WITHERSPOON
YOU KNOW WHAT MOVIE I MEAN?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Boogie nights
me: no
Bishop Desmond Tutu: legally blonde
me: 4 EVA carved into his chest movie
Bishop Desmond Tutu: II
me: f
started with an F
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Footloose
me: fuck
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Finnigan;s Wake
Flap Happy JAPPY
me: FEAR
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Fargo
me: It was called Fear
Bishop Desmond Tutu: That is dumb
with a silent b
me: and Marky Mark and the funny bunch carved 4 EVA into his chest.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: 'Uhhhh
awkward
me: yeah
what was awkward
I thought you were typing something
I was waiting for you.
you are awkward
Bishop Desmond Tutu: actually, I was doing stuff and ignoring you
me: you are an awkward teenage boy
with a penis
Bishop Desmond Tutu: that's not true
it's a lie
you are a lyinh liar
wow
lyinh
i must've been pretty upset
me: lyinh I'm dyin
oh my god, guess what?
I'll tell you
I'm going down to San Jose Tomorrow
Bishop Desmond Tutu: you're pregnant!
me: to visit my sister
Bishop Desmond Tutu: to get pregnant!
me: and her rabies
and I'm PREGNANT
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I knew it!
Isn't there a song about going to San Jose?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
doot doot soo soo soot soo soot
me: yes
everyone keeps singing that too me all day long
a hundred times
jesus
fucking
christ
almight
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Do you sing that song the whole way?
me: on
a stick
yes
I do
I sing it and then when I get there
I sing "Iiiiiii know the way to san jose
or I have found a way to san jose.
or Geesus San Jose is Really Gay
Bishop Desmond Tutu: What else is there to say about sanjose besides the song?
You should find some other allusion
me: well, there is teh san jose film festival
where I'm going to watch my bro-in-laws film
on 3/1
so there's that
Bishop Desmond Tutu: That ain't much
me: you ain't much
Bishop Desmond Tutu: did your sister hate steve's poster?
me: did he make a poster?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: she never responded to him on it at all
me: I knever knew
Bishop Desmond Tutu: he did
me: did he really?
that fucking cunt bag!
Bishop Desmond Tutu: and she never said a word
me: I'll give her a peice of my mind
piece
peace out
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I always said that about her
me: you did
you were always right about her.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: i can smell her cunt from here
me: hers and jodie fosters.
jodi?
jody?
I don't know
Bishop Desmond Tutu: is sh from san jose too?
me: no but that guy in the jail cell told her that in Silence of the Lambs.
that he could smell her cunt
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Clarissssse
me: and then hannibal lector said that he could not.
clariiiiiiiiissssse.
and then that guy flung his jiz at her.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Hey
me: hey now
Bishop Desmond Tutu: hey
hey
me: HEY NOW
Bishop Desmond Tutu: whoa
me: wait a second
Bishop Desmond Tutu: hold on
me: now
Bishop Desmond Tutu: stop
me: quitit
you stop
Bishop Desmond Tutu: that's enough
me: that's quite enough of that, mister.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I was going to say
me: hey
Bishop Desmond Tutu: you should name our baby
me: OKAY
!!!!
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I don't really give a shit any more
me: HOW ABOUT AMANDAROSEMURPHY HASKESACK.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Veto
me: how about just sack haske.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Excellente
Just Sack Haske it is
after Justin
me: yes!
why after justin
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Just
me: do you know something I don't
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Just sack
me: oh Just
Justice
Just Sack Haske.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: After Justin's ballsack
me: After Justin's ballsack does what?
just kiddng
lololollllolllllllol
Bishop Desmond Tutu: rotfl
me: fucking
Bishop Desmond Tutu: rotflmao
That takes me a long time to type
me: frollicing under cocks kissing in negro goo.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I have to think about each letter
me: mee too
meeeee double that, fo sho
oh my god, guess what?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Jesus
me: yes
Bishop Desmond Tutu: what now?
me: I had an interview today
I WORE A SKIRT!
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Did you screw it up?
me: AND A BRIGHT YELLOW SWEATER!
I screwed something.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Did you send a thank you note immediately afterwards?
me: oh shit
I better do that.
I never do that.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Really?
me: really
maybe that's why I never get any blowjobs
angelina is going to lunch
Bishop Desmond Tutu: It always surprises me that people never do.
It says to on all the websites and books
Lunch?
Kinda late for lunch, Angelina
me: I know but seriously, either they like you and they give you a job or they don't like you and screw them, right?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Nope
me: we call our dinner break, "Lunch"
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I think that's how steve got his job
he sent an e-mail with some ideas he had for bikes right after the interview
seemed excited about it
me: did he actually mean dykes?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Why don'y you call it dinner
me: was it a typo?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Steve says he misses me
me: what a gaywad.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I think he wants me to make him "lunch"
me: steve says he hits me.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: which means "give me a b.j."
He wants to know if you're bi-curious
me: which in turn means balogny jamwhich.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: like bi-curious george
me: totally bi-curious. I love bicycle.s
I'm very curious about bicycles.
like how do they work?
where do they get their power?
Bishop Desmond Tutu: oil
me: Steve designs bikes for a living
in case you needed to know that.
Steve is your husband
Steve has a bad case of growths.
I guess I'll let you go back to the blow jobs and the french maid outfits.
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Your thing should say
Mandy Murphy IS SO SMURFY
me: YOU ARE SO RIGHT
Bishop Desmond Tutu: It rhymes much better
me: DONE
finito
Bishop Desmond Tutu: DONE
me: people would often call me Murphette
in school
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I am also done
with you
because you whored it up
me: i would sneak in at night and rape their mothers with my prosthesis.
oh kay!
bye!
Bi!
curious
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Bye!
t
me: forever
Bishop Desmond Tutu: me
me: me
me
me
me
Bishop Desmond Tutu: you
me: me
me
me
you
and you
me and you 4 eva
Bishop Desmond Tutu: nope
bye
me: bye
can I post this in my blog?
you can't stop me
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Give me a psydonym
me: okay
what do you want it to be
Bishop Desmond Tutu: "Marifold"
me: Marifold Faske,
Bishop Desmond Tutu: Perfect
me: Marifold Perfect
Bishop Desmond Tutu: I still think you should do it as a radio play on your imaginary pocast, though
bye
me: bye

*In order to win the contest you have to read this whole gmail chat and give me the question, jeopardy style, that goes to this answer:

The answer is Will and Johanna's 1/2 of one quarter japanese and 3/4 Greek baby, aka John Stamos Pat Morita, aka 1/8 japanoodle gyro soup.