I am the last man on earth.

I woke up about an hour ago and realized that I am the last man on earth and I don't even have a weiner. What a way to start the new year. The good news is, I said very loudly to myself as all my utterances and phrases and quips will be from now on, The good news is, or actually I said, THE GOOD NEWS IS, because I was talking very loudly, THE GOOD NEWS IS, I WON'T MISS HAVING SEX WITH ANY WOMEN BECAUSE I HAVE NO WEINER ANYWAY. Then I wondered to myself, quietly in my head, "I wonder how you spell weiner. Is it weener? Wiener? I think it is wiener. I should look it up for when I write about this on my blog later." And then I thought about how futile it will be to write in my blog now that I am the last man on earth but then I remembered how much I enjoy reading my own blog entries and how much I entertain myself and since I am the last man on earth I'm going to need to be the only source of my own entertainment so I'd better keep on writing. Then I came up with a list of things I would need to bring with me on a deserted island. This was a hypothetical exercise that is ironic and unnecessary to do once you are the last man on earth. I think this will make me laugh in a few months when I go back and read it. The irony.

I never got to me a millionaire in real life but now that I am the last man on earth, am I a quadzillionaire? Do I own all the earths resources? Or are they all worthless now? Am I the poorest person ever in history now that there is no exchange rate or bartering to be done or worth to be determined? And who am I posing these questions to? When you are the last man on earth, I've discovered, answers are the most priceless and in demand things. I have to give them all myself.

I cut and dyed my hair today. I had grown my bangs out for the second time in my life. My hair was all the same length. I look like a retard with no bangs, I decided.

I've been sort of invited to attend a new years party but I won't. I'm thinking of going to see a movie. I hope I don't have to run the projector myself because I don't know how. I'm smart enough to figure it out. I'm the smartest man on earth.