Shower the people

Oh James Taylor. Die already, right? I know, right?

I went to a bachelorette party on Saturday night. I danced and drank and came home and puked. It was great!

I got Alllll AAAAs this quarter. How did I do in Biology 103? I got an A. How did I do in Spanish 203? I got an A. How did I do in Creative Writing 241? I got an A. How did I do in my Capstone Project Class, AKA English 400? I got an A.

My name isn't A-mandapants for nothing. right?

My dad said that my uncle Joe (crazy uncle Joe) has offered me a free round trip ticket to Hawaii. I can't go because he wants me to go this weekend for some reason but he won't say why. My coworkers Angelina and Casey are getting married this weekend so Number 1, I have to go to the wedding and Number 2, I am working most of Angelina's hours while she is on her honeymoon which would be during the time that, for some undisclosed reason, Crazy Uncle Joe wants me to go to Hawaii. Why? You're guess is as good as mine. Actually, my guess might be better because you probably can't truly appreciate the craziness of crazy uncle Joe. But if you are a family member or if you happen to know uncle Joe, then you're guess is as good as mine. If not, your guess probably can't even cover the possibilities of crazy uncle Joe's motives. Because this guy is fucking crazy. It would take a long time to tell you, anecdotally, how much so. But here is a clue that I found on the internets.

This I found, for some bizarre reason, in the Marshall Island Chamber of Commerce meeting minutes from 8/06 and these were part of the remarks of the Chamber President:

Shortly before all the proverbial crap hit the fan for the Majuro Chamber of Commerce and its president last month, Joe Murphy stopped me one day out in front of the post office, and remarked, “You know, Jack, your profile is getting to be a bit too high.” My initial reaction was to shrug my shoulders and keep walking… After a few steps, however, I stopped because it occurred to me that the guy who just spewed out that advice was the author of numerous island novels such as “Confessions of a Nice Bitch,” and my personal favorite, “Retirement Plan: The True Story of the Death of Al Wong.” That is when I thought--if only for a brief, fleeting moment--that maybe I should heed Joe’s formidable words of caution. No, I then rationalized, this is the Marshall Islands, I have been out here for 25 years, what could possibly go wrong? How little do I sometimes know… After the awful experience at the Nitijela hearing last month (and the subsequent nightly overdoses of Advil), with a vengeance and with repetition Joe’s words of warning came flooding back into my brain. I began to ponder, is Joe Murphy a prophet? And, maybe Joe Murphy is always right like he keeps telling us he is…

I can't help but wonder what the awful experience he talks about was, and what Joe was so prophetic about. I found this because I had this great plan to take Uncle Joe up on his offer and go to Hawaii and either just disappear for a week or two, or however long I'd have there, just to take advantage of the tickets while avoiding whatever it is that uncle Joe wants me to do, OR, use the experience as writing fodder to document the whole experience, including the initial phone call I got from my dad, and turn it into like some This American Life-type story. I'll transcribe the initial phone call for you here:

"Well goddamn it, here it is father's day and you haven't called me. And that really bugs me. Anyway, I got a call from my brother Joe today. And for some reason he wanted to know, "How's Mandy doing? How's Mandy doing? Kept on asking, "How's Mandy doing?" Yeah, we'd talking about something, and he'd "Oh yeah, by the way, How's Mandy doing?" "So whatdya, what's this with Mandy? What do you want to talk about her for?" He said, "Well, I just wanted to know how she's doing" So I told her (sic) how you were doing but he wasn't listening. He had some scam going. Anyway, He wants to give you, um, free, round trip tickets, from, uh, uh to, Honolulu and back, and while you're there, you, to visit his daughter, Peggy, who's coming up from New Zealand. This would be starting June 24th and for the next two weeks, if you can do something like that. Let us know, if that's possible, okay? You know my number. Bye Bye."

Weird, huh? Yeah. Weird. It is very weird for Joe to ask about me. It isn't like he is one of a like a couple uncles that I have or that I am like one of a couple nieces and/or nephews that he has. He has like 50+ nieces and nephews and I have like, 9 uncles... I think. If you count Jesus, because my aunt the nun is a bride of Christ, then that rounds it out to 10. And if you count the divorced uncles, then there's more. Do you count those? I don't now. Anyway, the point is, Joe and I aren't especially close. I'm surprised he even remembered my name. In fact, he was probably thinking of Marya this whole time. Maybe he was. That could very well be...