Other people's dreams are boring

But I dreamt last night that I had to have surgery and was in the hospital for about 2 weeks and there were all these complications and when I was finally being released, after one surgeon went over the head of another and let me go even though I needed some other procedure done, when I was finally being released, I thought to myself, "Gosh, nobody knows I've been in the hospital. I'd better go home and blog about it right now!" and then I started to plan out how I would describe it and whether or not I should reveal certain aspects since I didn't want to worry anyone. This morning, as I was sitting here reading my salon and my email and my news and my blogs, I thought, "What was it that I was going to blog about today? There was something very serious that I needed to write about. What was it?" Then I remembered that it was my horrible ordeal in the hospital that never actually happened.

Hell is other people, said Sartre.

I've been boning up on my writers and their well known works because if I decide to apply to grad school again it will be for Literature and I'll have to take the Literature Single Subject GRE in the fall. Yesterday I boned up on Solzhenitsyn, Sartre, and Kafka. I love reading the wiki articles on writers. Most people have such interesting lives and writers are the most interesting to me. Also, with all the links to other things I feel like I learn so much. Like, for instance, I didn't know what the vichy law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statute_on_Jews) was until yesterday. I had heard of it but I had never really know what it actually was. Now I know. I have never been one of those people who looks things up that I don't understand or don't know about when I read. Remember that scene in Say Anything when John Cusack is in Ione Skye's room while she is getting dressed and he sees the big dictionary with a whole bunch of pencil marks next to the words and she tells him that every time she came across a word she didn't understand she would look it up and he looks through the dictionary and like, ALL the words are marked and that is supposed to indicate that she is really smart? I always thought, can't she just get what the word means by the context? What an idiot. I figure that I'll get it by the context and if I don't then I never remember it anyway. I read The Metamorphosis yesterday off of project Gutenberg with zapreader. It took me 45 minutes. It is really great. The hype is all true. You should check it out. And if you don't know what zapreader is you should check it out too. I love it. I've read lots of stuff online that I normally wouldn't have spent the time on but with zapreader you can read it so fast and it is so easy. I read most of Uncle Tom's Cabin with it. I read the first quarter in book form and it took me like a week. I read the rest of it in like 3 days with zapreader.

I think Kafka and I would have been good friends.

This brings me to one more little thing. When I was at Humboldt I did a play called Hunting Cockroaches that a lot of my friends and family saw. It was the first big role I had in college and I got a lot of attention for it, which was great. But of that entire experience I remember one comment someone made more than almost anything else. And I remember it almost daily. It was after opening night and some people I knew from the theater department were waiting outside the dressing room door to see me and some of the other actors to tell us how wonderful we all were. I hate this crap. It is awkward. But this night this woman who was kind of a big deal in the theater department as an actress came up to me and gave me a big hug and told me how great she thought I was and then she said, "I always thought you were just this bookworm." It sounds harmless enough now, but it really took me aback at the time. Because I doubt she had ever seen me read a book. I had classes with her and I rarely even came to class. Was it because I wear glasses? Now that I am a bookworm, now when I walk around reading all the time at work and at school and around town, I think about this comment. It makes me self conscious about reading. I'm worried that people will think I am just this bookworm instead of the amazing and dynamic personality that I really am. And then I think, that is so lame, no one cares.