Merry Christmas!

Money grubbing... sons of... santa clause never...



That is me being curmudgeonly about Christmas. Actually, I had quite a pleasant Christmas, thankyouverymuchforasking. Here is evidence. Not proof, just evidence.



This is a picture of our kind of withered, dried up old tree that would not drink any of its water. It looked a lot better two weeks ago, trust me. Santa Claus brought a lot of Hot Wheels this year. Which was great, because I love Hot Wheels and they were all for me. And they were all hot for me, too. Because I am Hot Stuff. I let my nephew play with the Hot Wheels for a few minutes between the time when I let my dad and brother play with them.

As you can see, I've changed my blog a little bit. You know, ringing in the new year and all that what what.


One of the newest links you can click on to your left is my flickr page which includes a few photographic likenesses of friends and family alike. I hope to upload more pictures soon but I just wanted to get the Christmas ones up asap. So for my auntie and my sister, you can see some Christmas pictures.


Oh, by the way, I got a new digital camera for Christmas so I can totally take pictures again. And video! Which is nice. I don't like to read directions so the video ability came as a surprise and instigated a little impromptu song and dance act with my dad and I. So now my dad will become famous on the internets for his dance. On the youtubes.

I'm glad that even though I completely mock the Christian faith and don't believe in their god and don't accept Jesus as my personal lord and savior, I am glad that they invented Christmas because I like it.

Speed Levitch: The New York City

I love this guy. Have you guys seen this movie? It is so great. Everyone should see this movie. I like the part where he says, "She was a fastidious judaic type woman in very sexual slacks." Mostly because I love the word slacks but the word and the noun the word represents are entirely unsexual in every possible way. Very sexual slacks.

Christmas Dance 2006-Gerald P.

This is a crappy movie that I made of my dad with my new digital camera.

Mandy Recommends: Check it out!

I recommend you take a long cold shower, dirty mouth.

I also recommend you rent The League of Gentlemen off your Netflix or whatever. If you don't have netflix, well then, fuck off. Or get it.

I also recommend that you paint your bedroom Navajo White. My coworker Angelina is painting her living room Navajo White. Is that like some kind of Indian joke? I think the native american paint company got sick of white people saying, "yeah, my grandpa was part Navajo" so they named a completely white paint "Navajo White." That is what I think happened.

Further Recommendations: That you be held back a year. You aren't ready for the 2nd grade.

And additionally: That you do something about that hair style. Did anyone see the Justin Guarini hair debacle pictures on Gofugyourself.com? Besides Frank, of course. Isn't that crazy? Check it out: http://www.gofugyourself.com Or click the link on my sidebar. Or just continue masturbating like I know you are, Steve.

Furthermore, I recommend this game for Steve - Civ City Rome. I am almost as addicted to it as regular civilization. On second thought, don't get that game. You have a wife and baby to take care of.

And in Summation: Christmas is coming, the goose has got a gut. Please, this holiday season, PLEASE put a penny in the old man's butt. If he hasn't got a butt then I don't know what. Just PLEASE, for Christ's sake, please put a penny in that old man's butt.

Hot Nights, Cool Sassafrass.

So I drove down on monday morning to Sunnyvale, hung out with the bro-in-law and the niece, then the sister. We ate a lovely dinner and then the sister and I hightailed it up to the City. San Francisco. The city that often sleeps. You know, just the recommended eight hours a night.

We got in line and then I got into another line. We looked at all the cool cats and I told a funny story about two twin sisters I knew in grade school who were like fun-house mirror images of each other because one was tall and pretty and one had something strange go wrong in her development and ended up really short and squat and ugly. And then my sister said, "Just like us!" Because she is a bitch. But she is pregnant and all fat right now so if it makes her feel better about herself to point out my shortcummings, since she is all fat and shit, then so be it.

Then we went inside and got in line to pee. One thing about pregnant ladies - they pee an awful lot. Boy howdy do they ever.

Then the show started!

First it was Michael showalter and he did some funny jokes and then gave a little slide show presentation from his laptop about about he went from a nice Princeton youth to a wanna be gangsta rapper. And it was very funny. My favorite thing he did was this air tambourine thing. And also when he tried to get the audience to heckle him and then made fun of them when they tried.

Then Michael Ian Black said some funny stuff for a while. It was hilarious! They were both very funny. I am loath to go into details here, however, because I don't feel like rehashing their jokes in an unfunny way. Just be comfortable knowing that the audience really loved them and so did I. Afterwards, my sister and I were first in line to have them sign DVDs of the Stella Shorts and so we got to stand really close to them and sort of talked about the opening of the boxes of DVDs and the signing of the DVDs. That was pleasant but it all went by so fast that I barely had time to really take them in up close. I will say that Michael Ian Black looked smaller and paler, almost jaundiced, upclose and personal and Michael Showalter was just about as disheveled as I imagined him to be. Michael Ian Black was much more calm and cool and nice about the autographs and stuff than Showalter was. Showalter looked like he might die from his efforts and did everything he could not to look people in the eye. Or maybe it was just me. I blamed my preggo sister because I think that a pregnant lady killed Showalter's dad when he was a boy and he has hated pregnant women ever since. Makes sense that he is not married and has no kids yet. Even though he is 36 years old. Makes me feel like a spring chucken.

All in all, it was pleasant and fun and funny and nice and I had a good good time. The best part was spending quality time with my niece, Ailsa, who loves me best. More than her own parents.

On a funny side note, you know the blog that I posted yesterday, you know the one about the gash, the sort of, kind of, in bad taste little story about nasty gash? Well since I mentioned Tina Fey's name in it this weird celebrity webpage thing about tina fey automatically linked to it in a section called Blogbuz or something like that. Here is the site - http://www.newsamericanow.com/profiles/tina-fey/

It isn't there now but it was yesterday and this morning and I got a few hits from it. Suddenly, I was embarrassed about what I had posted! Can you imagine!!

It was a fleeting moment of embarrassment and I am over it now. So my new strategy to get people who don't know me to read my blog is just to mention tina fey in each entry. And then say something horrible.

Tina Fey:Butt Butt, stinky butt. Farts. Assholes. Toilet Fucker. Vagina. Penis.

P.S. Tina Fey has breadcrumbs in her vag, per Michael Showalter.

P.S.S Tina Fey should cover up her vag. I am sick of looking at her lady patch all over town.

"Nasty Gash." AKA "Too Far."

Me: That is one nasty gash you have there.

You: Yeah, I know. I really need to do something about this nasty gash.

Me: Hey, I think that nasty gash might be infected.

You: Yeah. Yeast Infected!!! You know what I'm saying?

Me: Totally, dogg.

You: You see, another word for "vagina" is "gash." At least with some of the cool kids these days.

Me: Yeah, totally. Like that gash that Tina Fey has. I'd totally like to fuck that gash.

You: Totally.

Me: And like that character in that one movie.

You: Scarface?

Me: No you dumbshit!!! Who'd want to fuck that gash! Jesus Christ. You are fucking sick. You fucking sicko. Deeeeeamn! Seriously though, you really should go put some antiseptic on that gash.

You: Yeah, like some iodine or something.

Me: Yeah. Or just swab it with some alcohol.

You: Yeah, I really wanna swab it. Swab it good. Well, see you later!

Me: I doubt it, gash face.

Later, bitches

I promise to post all about my trip tomorrow. Tomorrow, bitches. I am too busy today. Too Busy! Stop hectoring me!

Don't tell me what you're putting in my lunch box.

Everybody is working for the weekend, so they say. I, on the otherhand, am working ON the weekend. They asked, I answered. The call. Because I always step up. Perserverance. That's my middle name. Prudence Perserverance Pisspants. I decided that the new baby name for little AAA the male version is Avid. As in, I am an avid reader. Also, as in David without the stupid D, which stands for Duh. Duh, David. Duuuuuuh. And it also stands for dumb. So in short, Avid, not David, Adams. Or Ansil. Avid Ansil Adams. Avid Advil Adams. Anvil Aesop Adams. Aooooga. Ancillary. Lary, for short. Aragorn. Oh god, I should not have suggested that. My sister is just enough of a dork to actually name her child Aragorn.

Speaking of the Adamseses, I am going to be visiting them shortly. Tomorrow, actually. Actually Adams. I will be driving to Yrethra this afternoon after work, much sleep deprived, as I have had to work at 6am on both these days of the sabbath and the sundath. My parents just remodeled their bathroom so I plan on spending most of the evening all up in there, a la Michael Ian Black in that one Stella Short called David's Cousin where he spends a long time in David's Cousin's bathroom, hilariously.

On Monday morning, at dawn, I will wake the townspeople in my usual fashion, running through the streets in my underpants and helmet, with my chainsaw, shouting "Day Time! Day Time!" And then I will most likely hit the road, jack, at, lets say, about, oh I don't know, 8:30 to 9:00-ish. I will make my way south to cloudyvale, realize I've gone too far, and turn back around to my intended destination, Sunnyvale, which is where the Adamseses make their home. Or is it mountainview now? I can't remember.

I will make my sister cut out of work early, play with her baby for a while, chit chat with the old Brother-In-Law, and then my sister and I will drive into the City. Night in the city looks pretty to me. Night in the city looks fiiiiiiiine. Perhaps we will grab a bite to eat. Perhaps we will drive around endlessly looking for parking and arguing. Perhaps we will find The Independent on Divisidero with no problem at all, park, eat, and then run into Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black on our way to the show and they'll invite us to visit with them backstage after their acts if we promise to give them blowjobs. Perhaps.

Stranger things have happened. So shut up.

One time I was in the City with my sister she left her car unlocked and my purse got stollen along with her blackberry and some other stuff. That was really fun. We were meeting my aunty Peggy for dinner as she had a layover in SF on her way to Japanland. Good ol' Aunty Peggy. Always good for a good time. For a good time, call Aunty Peggy. For a bad time, park your car in the tenderloin, leave valuables in it, unlock it, and simply walk away. It is as easy as that. There are better ways to have a bad time, however, like contracting a sexually transmitted disease, or getting caught in a blizzard, or daterape. You decide.

I have a problem. Can someone tell me the rules again about its and it's and it is and it belongs to it? I never got this down and it has been driving me crazy! Don't worry about there and their and they're. I've got that down pat. It is just the its'ss'es.

Santa Fe, Are you there? It's me, Cowboy.

The title of this blog refers to my favorite movie musical, Newsies and also to the popular young adult novel, "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, The Fucking Bitch That Will Not Shut The Fuck Up Because She is Totally On The Rag." Enough said about that, I daresay. I daresay.

How is everyone? Good, good. I've really been letting myself go, artistically. However, I hope to experience a renaissance of blogging in the weeks ahead. A Bloggaissance, you might say. Only you better not because I totally made that word up right now and am copywriting it, post-haste. I am all done with my classes for this fall quarter in the year of our lord 1066. The Normans also just invaded, so I've got that to deal with. Which is nice. Actually, I believe the year is 2006. But not for long suckers! What are your new year's revolutions? Mine are: Stand up to the man, number 9, and 33 per minute. Oh! And Viva Columbia! I have a lot to live up to. I've set the bar high this year.

What am I reading? What music am I listening to? What movies have I seen lately? I've decided that discussing these things in a public forum is a trivial use of my time and does not contribute to my goal of Self-Actualization.
(The Corrections, Moxy Fruvous, and The Corporation, as of today)

The only real news I have is that I am being haunted by the ghost of Robert Altman and he is a fucking piece of work, let me tell you.

Also, I really hope to complete my post about the trip I took a month ago but I've been too lazy and impatient go back and listen to my tapes and remember stuff. I think that the folks I know from Humboldt would really like to read more about it since I didn't even get to the part where I was actually in Arcata. I suck. Maybe this weekend.

Additionally, only a few more days until I go to visit my sister and a certain duo of fellows whose careers I have followed since my high school hey days. (Mr. Showalter and Mr. Black, specifically) I am absolutely convinced that Showalter and I will probably meet and he will be instantly smitten by my charms. Charmingly disarmed by the ARM, which are my initials. Mr. Black is married, or so I read. Whatever. He is a dirty cunt anyway. He is a sloppy wet pussy that I can fuck. Nothing like some good sloppy wet pizza. God, I hope at least somebody reading this knows that I am quoting the Stella Shorts and not just saying those things arbitrarily. But I also hope that some people don't and think that I am one crazy dirty mouthed little girl. I'll post the video so people will know. Because the people should know!!!

High Times, Hard Times. Sometimes the Living is Sweet. And Sometimes There's Nothing to Eat. Buuuuut I Always Lands On My Feet!

I have had a rough couple of days. Ruff. Ruff, Ruff. Firstly, and mostly upsettingly, my little Chachi Wachi Rotchy Roy doggy dog ran away on tuesday. I left him in the morning at about 1030am, put him outside with his toys and his food and his water, all his comforts of home, and when I returned at 2pm, he was gone. I drove around the neighborhood for about an hour looking for him. I called work and told them I would be late. I called my brother and told him. I went to work with no Chachi safe at home. My brother looked for him when he got home at 5 and then just waited around the house, expecting him to return home. But he didn't. Tuesday night was the first really cold night of the winter and Ashland had a big snowstorm on Monday and Tuesday so I was really worried he would be frozen to death. Wednesday I had to go to class in the morning and just cried and cried all the way to school. But we called the animal care and protection people and gave them his description and my brother put a lost dog ad in the newspaper. My mom and grandma and jack came over wednesday afternoon and they put up signs around the neighborhood but he still hadn't come back yet. I left for work very worried and tired because I hadn't been able to sleep well the night before as I kept waking up thinking I could hear him at the door. Finally, while I was at work, he came home while my grandma and mom and brother were all home. I can't tell you how relieved I was. So, as I promised the fates, when he came home I killed him for putting me through all that.

We are eating well tonight!

All this is happening the week before finals week when I have two papers due and a group project and a million other stupid things to worry about finishing. Glad I killed that stupid dog.

Afoot, circle K, strange things

Thanks, Giving!

So here are some home movies my aunty made of thanksgiving - Click on this Link!

http://marbledog.com/stuff/tgiving2006/

or if you just want to see what I am thankful for click here

http://marbledog.com/stuff/tgiving2006/mandy.MPG

I recommend watching all the movies though. Because they are delightful.


Also, I'm going to see Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black doing a little comedy, a little of the hush, a little of the bad, in San Francisco at The Independent on Divisadero on December 11th. Aren't you Jealous? You should be. You. You.

I chatted through Gmail with my old friend William Kenny G Evans last night and he told me that his boss is totally good friends with Old Michael Ian and Michael Just Michael and he told me his name so when I see them after the show I'm going to be all like "say hi to so and so for me" and they'll be like, "You know so and so?" and I'll be like, "Know him? He's my lover! But we just broke up so I am very alone and vulnerable and hows about you take me back to your hotel room and we can all play apples to apples."

Stella Shorts - Turkey Hunting

This year my family and I actually hunted for the turkey we would eat on thanksgiving day. Or "Toykey" as I call it. Yay!

Trip down Mammary Lane

So I got a strange call tonight.

But I'll need to go back in time. When I was a little girl I used to kick this one kid, Donny Parker, in the nuts almost every single day. I'd say we were in the third grade. And probably at least once a week, I would kick him square in the nuts. Right in the old Ball-Sack, as we would say back in the school yard. I'm not proud of this behavior and I'm not sure why I did it. I think some of the other girls did it too. And it isn't that I didn't like this kid or that he was some kid of social pariah of any kind. I just thought it was funny to kick old Donny right in the nuts. In the testes, so to speak. Right all up in there. Sometimes from behind when he wasn't even expecting it. When he couldn't even see it coming.

Well it turns out that about 5 years ago little Donny married an old high school chum of mine and they've been trying to have children for last 3 years or so without any luck. I guess they've been to all sorts of fertility doctors and stuff. Anywho, to make a long story short, it turns out that Donny is the one whose love rockets aren't making it to ground zero, so to speak. Flight 93 in Donny's pants keep crashing in Pennsylvania instead of making it to the old Pentagon, if you catch my drift.

So tonight I get this call from Donny and he sounds a little drunk and he tells me "Thanks a lot for kicking me in the balls all those times, Mandy." And then he went on and told his whole sob story and told me that his doctor told him that it is very likely that his infertility may have to do with the repeated trauma that his balls suffered all those many years ago. And then he just sort of started yelling and angrily sobbing curses at me over the phone. I was sort of half listening because I was trying to find my hand held recording device so I could get this conversation on tape because, man, this shit was golden! But I couldn't find it in time and Donny hung up the phone after calling me a fucking whore-bitch or something like that. At first I actually though he said "Crummy Orbitz" and I was all like what?

It is probably for the best though. Those kids would've probably turned out retarded or something.

I'm puttin the moves on You!!!

You're Bacon!!

New from MTV's The State

This is for You.

Trip to the Moon Part 2 - Mad Eyed MandyMoon

Continuation of previous post. Also, I wanted to mention how angry I am that my new favorite show, Studio 66 on the sunset Strip has Dawn from the english office in it and she is WOEFULLY underused. WOEFULLY!!!!! It makes me really angry. I like Amanda Peet and Sara Paulsen as much as the next person. I love Chanandler Bong and Bradly Whitford and D.L Hughly. Little Cordray boy is adorable. And Timothy Busfield = Television gold. I even love Wings Guy. A lot. He is great. The cast is great. Great great great. We get it. I am Aaron Sorkin and I can assemble a cast to rival the gods. But what is the point of having such a great cast if most of them get like 2 minutes of screen time and no promise of any kind of story line until season 5? And what about that other lady cast member who apparently does it with Chanandler when his girlfriend brakes up with him. Who the hell is she? She sucks! Make Dawn the one that Chanandler has sex with when his girl friend breaks up with him. I mean, christ.

Back to the travelog blog.

2:11: Well, it’s about 5, no (laughs) I mean 2:11 now and, uh, I'm, um, still in between Medford and Grants Pass. Still have quite a ways to go but my radio station is decidedly unlistenable at this point so I thought now would be a good time to mention the things that I done brought with me. Or I done brung with me, I'm sorry. My grammar, I've been studying for this GRE and my grammar is all fucked up. Um, oohhh, by the way, I'm just passing on my right hand side, maybe I can find a picture of this too, (I didn't) this really neat barn thing that looks all Russiany Orthodoxy. It’s got one of those ball gold Hershey kissy thingies on the top and it’s blue and it’s got the Virgin Mary painted on one side. Um, you know, I don't think that the Virgin Mary could hit the broad side of a barn if she was uh, like, pitching a baseball. But apparently she is okay to put her image on the broad side of a barn. Although, not, not very, uh, what's the word, um, when there's a miracle? Miraculous. Because I think someone just painted it on there. It’s not like it just appeared out of nowhere. I mean, fuckin-A man. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't project her miracle image onto the broad side of a barn. (laughs.) That’s how inaccurate (laughs) the Virgin Mary is. (laughs) Oh man. That’s a good one. That’s goin' in the, that's goin in the blog. Um, anyway, so I brought some, I, first I picked up some snacks at the old, at the old, oh this car wants to pass me, at the old Fred Meyer. I got this recorder thing, I got that turkey baguette and I got some sugar free melelo cookies which sound good for diabetics but actually, um, have almost just about as many, maybe a little bit less, carbohydrates. So the effects of the sugars just take a little bit longer but basically affect my blood sugar in the same way. So, but it makes me feel better and it has fewer calories so it won't, my ass won't get ass fat. Um, I also bought some water and a sugar free vanilla latte which actually is virtually sugar free. It does have lactose in it from the milk but it’s, it’s not too much. And some dried apricots because those are delicious. And, number 1 they’re delicious, number 2, they’re dried so they don't go bad so I can just keep them in my car for the whole trip. Good for emergencies. If I'm dying I can always have that and I don’t have to worry about taking it out or anything. Just leave it in here. Um, anyway, for the CDs that I have to choose here, let’s see here, it’s hard to hold this tape recorder and drive and read my cds but you know what? If anyone can, I can. If anyone can, I can. So the first one (laughs) is Billy Gillman's stellar CD, um, which he has yet to top in his young life, “One Voice.” Um, I believe it came out in the early Ots, maybe the late 90's. Um, just a fabulous, fabulous CD that I recommend to anybody who, um, who, uh, is into young boys singing country hits. There's one song on it that is pure genius called The Snake Song which I recently sang in Portland at a little place called Grandma's during their, um ,karaoke hour, karaoke weekend at the suicide shack. Um, so that’s a good one. I might, I might, I'll probably wait for that one because that’s my sing-along CD. I always have to have a sing-along CD that I can sing along to. But I don't like to start the sing-along CDs too soon because then my voice becomes very hoarse and we don't want a hoarse voice when we're driving into Arcata if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Uh, second, oh this is another sing-along CD. God, I’m suddenly getting embarrassed by this but I guess I can just cut it out if I'm too embarrassed. The second CD that I brought was The Indigo Girl's self titled album “The Indigo Girls,” which has their hit on it, “Closer to Fine.” Uh, I enjoy the indigo girls up to a point. Uh, they kind of get on my nerves but all in all good music, good songs, very good harmonies, and fun for me to sing along with. Um, I got this album when I was about, my sister bought it for me when I was maybe 12 or 13 and I listened to it obsessively for about the next um, well how old am I now? So, many years. The next one is an album that my buddy Justin Timberlake, aka Mr. Magina, burned for me called, a band called Calexico, an album called the black light album. A very good album. Haven't listened to it TOO much so I'm not really familiar with all the songs on it but it is very mellow cool music that I enjoy with a little bit of a mariachi kind of a, kind of a swing to it. On a side note, the de la Fuentes, my neighbors growing up in Yreka, had a lot of family who lived in the, the town, the border town of Calexico which of course is an amalgamation, a blend if you will, of the two words of “collects” and “eco” which is one who collects ecosystems. And that’s what they do down there, they uh, they uh, have a lot of biodomes. And a lot of Pauly Shore movies have been filmed there. Jury Duty…Biodome… And Others. Uh, the next one is David Bowie’s album “Chchchchchchchanges” which is also another very good album, also another album that Justin burned for me. I have a couple David Bowie albums other than this one that were mine before this one that included a whole bunch of, like a collection of his stuff that my friend Becky burned for me so some of these songs I already knew but some of these songs were kind of new to me and uh, he's uh... David Bowie. Uh, then I have uh, St Elsewhere. The album, the the big summer album by Gnarls Gbarkley. Awesome album. Pick it up, uh, walk don’t run. Cause its really, you could probably wait until it gets on sale. Um. But other than the huge crazy Crazy hit for the summertime it’s got some really good songs including a cover of a Violent Femmes song. Um. Then I have a burned cd that I made. I, um, I entitled it Knick Knacks and Bricka Bracks. I actually intended to give it to Justin and Alicia once they had their baby because it’s got a lot of kinda kid friendly songs on it but I liked it so much that I kept it. It actually says that they are songs for the cry baby in all of us.
(tape runs out)

2:20: Okay so that happened, the tape just ran out. And I'm only just at Grants Pass right now and I also just fuckin' missed my exit so I'm gonna need to fuckin’ like concentrate a little bit on this shit and not talk so much. Uh, so, I'll catch you maybe, its about 5:20 right now, so I'll catch you maybe in like an hour. So maybe when I get to Gasguet. Okay bye. Unless something crazy happens. Then I'll have to say something. But I'll make it quick.

Road Trip to the Moon Part 1 - Spooning the Moon

This is the first installment of an actual (as much as I can manage) transcript from my road trip. Everything was recorded on a store bought recording device. I thought about making the recording device out of wires and gumption or about ordering it from a catalogue but in the end I thought just going out and blowing some bucks on it would "fix" my "fix" as in help me get over the desire I had just before this trip for a voice recording device. And our scene begins.

November 2nd, 2006

Me: Testing Testing 123

About 1:45pm: Whelp, I'm drivin' outta town. Drivin out of Medford, Oregon.

I got, I got a baguette from Fred Meyer with turkey on it. It’s a, uh, turkey baguette, is what it’s called. Um. Headed out to Humboldt County USA. Humboldt County California USA. Listening to some rockin' tunes on 96.9 The Rogue, which is the rogue valley's place for alternative music. Little bit ago they had the nineties noon which was a blast from the past, if you know what I mean. Um. Played some good songs. Now I don't know, not so much. Soon as it gets buzzy - (radio identifies itself, I speak along) “ninety six nine The Rogue.” Soon as it gets buzzy I'm gonna put on a CD of some kind. I have quite a selection that I brought with me and perhaps later you’ll hear some song stylings. (Gasps) My favorite song! (sings along with radio) “My father took me into the city to see a marching band.” I was, funny, cause I was gonna blog about this song. Now it’s on. (singing again) “Will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?” (spoken) yes I will be. (singing again) “Will you defeat them, your demons. (spoken) and all the non believers, the plans that they have made. One day, I'll leave you a fair sum to lead you,” A phantom? Oh man this song is so good. It’s like a smashing pumpkins song only it’s not the smashing pumpkins. Its better then the smashing Pum Kings. Well no, but it’s pretty good. Uh, that’s it for right now cause I got some other shit I gotta attend to but if I have a thought you'll be the first to know.

A short time later: Oh man, this fucking baguette is so good. Driving past Table Rock now. And so I thought that might be a good thing to mention because it is a very pretty Table Rock and if I remember, well, and this will remind me, I will post a picture of it, um, cause I should be able to find a picture of it on the internet. I’m gonna try to make this a pictorial of types even though I don't have a camera with me because my fucking camera I bought broke. Fucking bitch. Camera. ass. By the way, I'd like a camera for Christmas.


A short time later: Oh and second by the way, I'm driving north on I-5 or "the 5" out of Medford. My plan is drive to Grants Pass, take highway, I think its 199, uh, west to Crescent City and then take highway 101 down from Crescent City to good old Arcata California. (burp) I'm pretty excited about that. Excuse me, I burped.


Minutes later: I don't know if this is a continuation of the nineties noon thing retro hour. They just played a new song by My Chemical Romance, my new favorite song which I don't know the name of. I'll look that up on the internet too though, so you can see that. (Welcome to the black parade) But now they're playing Nirvana and I love this song too and I think, I think that I, I think about Nirvana a lot more than people probably think I do. I think about them probably maybe every day, maybe every day, maybe every other day, but definitely a few times a week at the least for some reason, which is more than I think about a lot of bands that I listen to a lot. I think about them a lot. I kind of love them.

A few minutes later: Oh, the colors in the trees are colorful, vibrant and um, like um, kinda like, kinda like 70s, like a close up of a 70's shag carpet that’s got lots of different like browns and greens and oranges and yellow threads all mixed in to make kind of like a patchworky kind of color. Um, as I recall I think the bullocks might have had a carpet like that? Anyways, that’s what it’s like.


Moments later: I fuckin’ hate this fucking “why you calling me,” “eyes of an angel” fuckin’ song. I, it’s always on this channel up here, this station, and I fucking hate it. (singing) “the next room, blah blah blah it were you.” You know what song I’m talking about? I fucking hate it.

2:07: I just decided I should be timing these little posts so, um, let’s see what time it is. My clock in my car is all fucked up so it’s like three hours fast and then like seven minutes slow. So right now it says its five o’clock which means that it’s actually 2:07. I left about just a little bit before two. I left Medford maybe about ten to two so, uh, it’s about 2:07 now and um next time I have something else to say I'll put a time stamp on it so that I can refer back to that time.

A few minutes later: Note to self, look for pictures on the internet of fall grants pass area North Medford/Grants Pass area. Very pretty. On the internet.

(couldn't find a really good one but this is sort of what it looks like)


Next installment coming soon. Swoon. Moon. June.

Tittle-izacious.

I thought that a funny joke would be just to keep posting something every day that just references a great post that is coming soon but then never actually post anything of interest or note. So thats what I'm going to do. actually, the post that I'm exited about is nearly finished. Just a few more finishing touches. Touch ups. Feel ups. Up yours. Nobody listened to techno!

Alls it is is a transcript of some recordings I made on my trip. No big woop.

I have so much to tell you!

Have I got a tale for you, boy, hoo boy! I'm a little busy right now so hopefully I'll get around to it sometime tonight. Hopefully. Or tomorrow. God Willing. You can't rape the willing. Or as my brother says, you can't rape the willie. Au Contrare, mon amie.

funnyman

I just came up with a great comedy routine about how I used to be a professional heckler before I became a comedienne. It is golden, dudes. Golden. I'm thinking of taking the act on the road. The last part of the joke is that after I explain how one becomes a professional heckler and how I personally would go about heckling I explain that most nights, near the end of the comedian's act I would yell out, "You're not so funny! Any fucking idiot could get up and do what you do, Mr. Funny Pants!" And then I indicate with arm movements and facial expressions that that is EXACTLY WHAT I DID. and then I say, "So THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID." Pretty great, eh? Its better live. You have to be there, so to speak. Well, I'm off to piss on the old farmers market here in the plaza and then drive to E-Town for a quick look about and then drive back to Orrygone for some sweet sweet oregon ass.