Interesting Things

So this doctor I work for, lets call him Doctor Schmoctor for this story. So on Thursday afternoon 12/23 at about 4:50, my coworker and I were winding down for the evening and getting ready for the 3 day weekend ahead of us. Docter Schmoctor walks in and says, with his most sincere face on, "You two are the unsung heros here and I have some gifts for you." He pulled out two large wreaths from behind him and as he was doing this, the nuclear medicine tech came around the corner and said, "Hey, did you get rid of those wreaths yet?" And then I died of laughter. Doctor Schmoctor was very embarrassed. He was really trying to be sincere, is the funny part. Really trying. He tried to do his best, but he could not, as Neil Young says.

Secondly, I have a saga to tell about some emails I've been receiving. I'm hoping someone who reads this may be able to figure it out. On 10/14 I received a strange email from an address that had KonradF-BMW7hw1aNnF6IKQ6qXMQ. I was afraid to open it because it looked like spam but it wasn't in my spam . So I waited until 12/24 when I was on my dad's computer in case it exploded. Guess what it was? A picture of Will. So I emailed him back asking him who the hell he is and he emailed me this back, "uh... i don't remember sending anything to you.. who is this?" So I emailed him back, "I am a friend of will's, the fellow in the picture. Who is this?" And he emailed me back, "will who? what picture are you talking about? this is konrad..."
And I emailed him back with his orginal message and the picture forwarded as well, "I received this email from you and responded to it. The picture is of myfriend will. Strange that you would email a picture of someone you don't know to someone you don't know but I would know the person inthe picture..... curiouser and curiouser." And the final email from him, "that's really odd... i don't know you or that guy... i have no recollection f sending you anything... i don't believe anyone has my account password... what an enigma." Any ideas of how the hell this went down????????? I think it has to do with Justin some how.

I've decided that the Most Underappreciated Genius is......

Christopher Walken

After reading my friend yustin's blog I realize now that he is my favorite artiste. He can tap dance, for christ-all-mighty-on-a-stick's sake. So he wins the big prize. Does anyone have his mailing address so that I can send him two tickets to my show? I think he would like it.
Check out the review from the paper that my brother happens to be an editor for.
Clearly the stuff dreams are made of and clearly the sort of fare that Mr. Walken would eat up with a spoon. Like sugar. Or soup.

If anyone hasn't seen him on SNL in the cowbell sketch or the census taker one, you must run or skip to wherever you can get your hands on it. I just can't resist,
here is the transcript from the scene but if you haven't seen it and you want to and you don't want this to ruin it for you just don't click on it. If you have seen it, sit back and get ready for the ride of your life on the hilarious highway of memory.

Most Underappreciated Genius of Our Time?

I say Jack Handy. My dad probably says himself. Or Adolf Hitler. What do YOU think?

Sideways

I just saw sideways and now I'm going to kill myself. Actually, does anyone ever get the feeling like they are really depressed and filled with enui but suddenly inspired at the same time? That's how that movie made me feel. I love paul giamatti. Also, strangly enough, my old college chum Tracy Boyd is listed in the credits as "factotum." Whatever that means. I don't remember tracy knowing all that much about wine but maybe he helped research it or something. Or maybe he was just there for useless info. He often did have a lot to say about things that seemed unimportant to me. Maybe he did talk about wine a lot. All I know is that I should have been more attentive and interested because then I'd be hanging out with alexander pain and paul giamatti. Now who's the dummy. I really am very bummed out lately though. I hate my job so much. I really don't think there is a chance of anyone from there googling me and finding this site since I don't think I use my full name and there are literally thousands of instances of my name on the web. It is a fairly common name. Not like Marigold Haske. Unless, of course, someone from works knows marigold and googles her, finds her site, recognizes her illustration of me, and then finds this site. But that is extremely unlikely. So, I fucking hate my job so much I could puke. I hate it so much. I spend a lot of time at work on-line looking at the classifieds and reading them in the break room as well. So someone is going to get the idea that I hate my job. Also, I talk about how much I hate it. But I really am thinking of looking for something else or moving soon. I sort of painted myself in a corner with renegotiating my rent with my brother so I can't really move now but I really would like to get another job. I just have to save up enough money to live for a while without insurance. Or find out if I can get on the oregon health plan. That would be ideal. Then I could even just get a part time job. I just can't take the phone calls and the doctors anymore. I actually like my co-workers but the doctors drive me nuts and the patients are all complete assholes and insane. 99% of them at least. And the administration is a joke. And not even a funny joke half the time. I'm so sick of it all I can't even write anymore about it. It is so fucking ridiculous.

Dogs And Blogs And Clogs And Snogs And Flogs

Thanks to Justin for giving letting me in on petfinder. I'm pretty excited about this dog thing. It will be my dog so if and when I move out I will take the dog with me. If my brother wants a dog he'll get one and he may just do that when my aunt's chocolate lab and my cousin's yellow lab have puppies in may. I want a little dog though. A wittle bitty dog that can sit on my lap. I'll name him Don Rickles. Or Ron Dickles. Or something else. I threatened to move out of my brother's place because he got this big raise and doesn't really need me to live there any more but he said he still needs to buy a car. I was all like, "I'm not going to pay you rent just so you can buy a car!!" And he was all like "what would it take?" And I'm all like, "lower my rent and let me have a dog, bitch." And he's all like, "okay mandy, whatever you say, you're the boss. Just please please stay because I'm a greedy bastard and want to keep taking your hard earned money." That's pretty much what happened. Pretty much. He accused me of "jewing him down." His words, not mine. That racist bastard. I would never use that kind of language. I might call someone an indian giver though. Or a gaywad. Because Indians and Gays are still fair game as far as I'm concerned.

Other noteworthy news:
I fell down during the curtain call right after my bow on tuesday night in my big show. I fell right down on the stage in front of the world. Boy was my face red. And my knee. And swollen. My knee, that is. And Black and Blue. My face. From beating myself up. stupid stupid.
Also, my parent's recently got back from a trip to mountain view california to visit my preggers sister and her husband and also to meet his parents for the first time. They've been married for almost 2 years but her parents and his parents never met. That is sort of boring irrelevant news to most of the people who probably read this. Oh well.

I Suck

I keep trying to post something and then I'll save it has a draft and then I come back to it and write some more and then I don't post it because I get interrupted and then today I deleted the post I started last week on accident. I suck. Anyway, I'm super busy with this stupid musical I'm in but it is really fun. Go here to see the theater's website and info about the play if you are at all interested. I'm not pictured so don't go looking for my lovely face.

In other news, I'm going to get a dog in january. I'm very excited.

Special Thanks

Special Thanks to my Autie Toonie Baloonie for giving me space on her website to post pictures so I can link them to my site. I now have a new profile pictures which is really me, altered. And look at this neat picture of my nephew taken earlier this month:



Isn't he just the cutest thing this side of the mississip?

On-line Quizzing, On-line Jizzing

So I am now obsessed with okcupid. They have a million tests you can take that don't really have any practical application but are very fun to take. Thanks a lot to Marigold and her friend Sara for ruining my life.

I hope everybody had a great thanksgiving and stuff. I had some turkey and some stuffing and some smashed potatoes. All in all, it was fine. The best part was probably playing Headbanz with my fambily. It is a very fun game, similar to 20 questions only you get a headband and you put a card on it that has a person, place, or thing on it and you ask yes or no questions to try to figure out what your card says. I think Steve and marigold have played it. Maybe Will and Justin too. I remember playing it a lot in college but I forget who I played it with. Fun times. High times. Hard times. Sometimes the living is sweet, and sometimes there's nothing to eat. But I always lands on my feet.

Tomorrow I'm going to be in a parade in Ashland for the show I'm in. That should be tedious and cold and wet but I'll have fun parading my hot shit around because I am totally hot shit.

I'm tired and I need to go off to lullaby land now. Sweet Dreams, Indian Killers.

Oh, one last parting sentiment. This is a song I wrote when I was about eight. I can still play it on the piano but you'll just have to read the words and imagine the great melody I came up with to go with it. I was truly a musical genius until I realised girls should dress up and put lipstick on and play with barbies and keep their pie holes shut.

Thanksgiving Day

On Thanks - gi - ving Day there are thrilling pilgrim stories,
How the In - di - ans helped that first Thanksgiving day.
Oh I love - it - so, eating pumpkin pie and turkey!
Let us all - give - thanks on this bright Thanksgiving day!

Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving day!
Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving day!

repeat.

The UCB F-ing Rules!!!! Suck It!!

I just got the first 2 seasons of this awsome show from netflix. If anyone out there in blog land hasn't seen it before, go out and get it because it rules


I also re-rented Chopper so that my brother could see it. It is so great. It is australian and stars Eric Bana as an australian killer and it is hilariously disturbing. I recommend it highly and mightily.

Also, I am now deeply involved in this Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance game. I always resisted baldur's gate games before because it is a role playing game and I think they are sort of silly but I really like this one.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the baby naming game. However, my sister has decided not to name the baby until it is born. That way she can name it have it's most prominent feature like Big Nose, or Stumpy, or Hairlip, or Fetal Alcohol Sydromia. Or, god willing, Beautiful Blond Super Race.

Also, thanks to Jesus Christ for Will and Johanna's great news of their recent betrothment. As Steve said at the recent wedding of two other people whose names I already forget, "Will sure got lucky there... er um.. I mean, not that Will isn't a great guy, it's just that Johanna is so great, I mean, .. er.. um... I wish I had met her first.. I mean, I really like Marigold and all but ... um.. yeah...I'm a Pollock Dumbass."

I count myself as the luckiest because I have never been out of these United States of America and if they decide to have their nuptials in the lovely island of Cyprus then I would get to go and that would be totally awsome. Maybe I won't quit my job so soon.

Name That Fetus

Comments from my previous post:
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous said...
How about Albuquerque Adams?


At 9:02 AM, apants said...
I think you should name it Patch. Or Grizzly. Or Adam. Or John. Or Quincy. Oh! Quincy Jones Adams!!! That would be the coolest name. Or Sam. Sadaam Adaams. How's that sound? Smada Adams. THen you could always ask him or her, "'s mada with you?" How about Lynch Mob Adams.

So The Call has gone out. Come up with a creative name for a baby, male or female, with the last name adams. Remember that his cousin who is just 2 years older than him has the coolest name of Kolchak Russell Murphy and that it's parents are Marya and Alejandro. So No boring stupid names. Like Amanda. stupid parents gave me such a dumb boring name.

My dad's song

My dad sent me this email So I am posting it like he wanted:

I read your blog today and think that this song I wrote for the SPAC show
tonight would be a nice addition.

BODIES ON THE KLAMATH RIVER-
by Amandapants' dad

Bodies, on the Klamath River
They tend to bloat
As down they float
The corpses wobbling
The maggots gobbling
On human bodies
It¹s nature¹s way!
The bodies wash up
Along the river
We stop and lick
Their pus-filled butts
Yes, all them bodies
On the fuckin¹ river
Pucker your lips up
and kiss the filth.


I don't know what tune it is supposed to be sung to or if he wrote his own melody but he actually sang this song in front of people.

netflix and politix

So I signed up for netflix. I get a free trial, so I haven't officially signed up for anything yet but I got my first 3 DVD's yesterday. They are The Station Agent, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and The Office. The Office is an English TV show that is supposed to be hilarious but if it is "are you being served" hilarious I am going to be very disappointed. Because that show sucks assholes. Big bags of assholes.

In regards to the recent election, I haven't really been able to think or talk about it. Marigold's posts on her blog have been positively vitriolic and though I share her anger and disgust as well as that of other friends and co-workers, I have been unable, emotionally, to actually talk about it. This guy who is in the play I'm in right now still wears his Kerry Edwards t-shirts to rehearsal. Yesterday he had on a kucinich sweatshirt. I sort of feel like he looks. Out of touch and surprised, unable to really move on. My grandmother has thrown herself completely into the world of West Wing, where she will probably remain for the rest of her days. My family refuses to talk about it at all. I won't watch any news about bush or read any articles about anything to do with him or the white house. It has been hard, and sometimes I see a headline or catch the end of some story and I get really mad. So I'm just not going to think about any of it for 4 years.

Would it have helped?

google news headline:

Elizabeth Edwards Diagnosed with Breast Cancer
Wired News - 45 minutes ago
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of former Democratic vice presidential candidate John Edwards, has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

If we had known this 3 days ago would it have changed anything? I think it may have. Sympathy vote maybe.

Can't say I didn't do my part.

Beautiful blue oregon.



Although we did pass the measure 36, the one man one woman measure.

Oregon, where the men are men and the women are men.

It'll be a snowy day in Texas when that redneck mother f-er wins reelection.

I found this on google new this morning. Clearly a headline put in Top U.S. Stories with a hint of irony.

"Parts of Texas Blanketed With Snow
Newsday, NY - 3 hours ago
By Associated Press. LUBBOCK, Texas -- Wet snow blanketed parts of Texas, closing roads and cutting power to thousands."

In addition

One thing I forgot, for the people who read my blog but may not read Marigold's, you can go here to check out some pictures from my san diego trip. I'm in a lot of the pictures because Marigold has it bad for me. BAD.

Good Times.

So since the wedding and seeing old friends I've been thinking fondly of old times. Not that the times were actually good times but I like to think on them fondly and pretend they were good times. Also, another way to have good times is fondling. Fondling young fawns, for instance. At any rate, I was going through a box of good times, a veritable treasure chest of treasured memories and I found this hilarious yet incredibly offensive letter than my friend Sheila wrote to my friend Becky in a class they were taking together. Even though it is incredibly offensive and not terribly well written (poor grammar and some questionable spelling) I have decided to reproduce it here, in my blog. So consider yourself warned.

"Dear Becky,
Darling dearest one, how are you? Are you enjoying this fairly groovy math class? Despite the toothy tardy one it is great! In my opinion anyway. The teach is pretty cool for a monotone manzelle math maniac man. I thought that you would appreciate this fun, cutsie little notesie I write to you in honor of highschoolishness and stupidedness. This class is seeming so very elementary to my widdle biddle soul. I have my trouble with the classroom concentration time. What about you?
Well, I bess be on my way Bessie, the teacher is spying my notewritingness with an eye ready to take disciplanary action on my anus-hole. Bye Bye now.

P.S. You are a dirty whore cunt-rag. You have fag-breath you stupid fucking (racist epithet deleted)pig dog. Later I will fuck you painfully in your face-hole. You'd like that, wouldn't you? You disgust me you silly smelly slut.
heart Sheila."

I may post some additional notes and letters I found without the permission of the writers if the response to this one is not too bad.

Have a Scaaaaary Chanukah

Hi. You know, sometimes with all this holiday hustle and bustle, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of Halloween. We observe Halloween to celebrate the birth of Christ. And in celebration of his birth, many traditions have been handed down through the years. The hiding of the eggs. The annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Halloween is a day to bring your daughter to work. Or your secretary. And it's the biggest shopping day of the year! But most of all, Halloween is a time for young people to gather together spreading holiday cheer by lighting bags of their own crap on fire, ringing the doorbell, and running away. So America, Happy Halloween, or as we like to call it, Chanukah.

Have a scary Chanukah!

Vote Early, Vote Often

I got my ballot. Actually, I received my ballot last week but I just found it yesterday because my brother put it in my mail bag that I have and I just didn't bother to look through all of it when I came back from my fantastic trip to San Diego. I'm very excited about voting. I'm worried that something will happen to my ballot like I'll accidently set it on fire or drop it in the toilet or just misplace it. I've already made sure I can get another one if something bad happens to this one. It is an irrational fear similar to the same one I have about my paycheck when I used to get real one instead of having direct deposit. I would just keep it in my purse or wallet or at home somewhere and then I would worry about it getting lost or soiled. But I would just not remember to put in the bank. All my fears would have been alleviated by a simple trip to the atm. So I brought my ballot with my to work today to keep it close to me and to remind myself to comlete it and send it in. I may just drop it off after work in the ballot box because that gives me more of a sense of completion. Democracy stresses me out, man.

I'd like to post something about my trip but you can read marigold's post to get a quick rundown. Everyone who reads my blog should read marigold's anyway because it's way better than mine and yet somehow not as clever or witty. Also, I support the law.

Traveling

So tonight is the night for getting everything ready for traveling. I have to clean out my car which is less of an undertaking than in days gone by. I have to pack. I have to brush my hair one hundred strokes before bedtime. Today I thought, "I wonder if I should bring my gamecube with me to play in the motel room" And then I realized how retarded that sounded. I have to be at work at 7:30 tomorrow so no late night for me tonight!! No Siree. Oh, the posh posh traveling life, the traveling life for me. Port Out, Starboard Home Posh with a Capital P-O-S-H.