Sideways

I just saw sideways and now I'm going to kill myself. Actually, does anyone ever get the feeling like they are really depressed and filled with enui but suddenly inspired at the same time? That's how that movie made me feel. I love paul giamatti. Also, strangly enough, my old college chum Tracy Boyd is listed in the credits as "factotum." Whatever that means. I don't remember tracy knowing all that much about wine but maybe he helped research it or something. Or maybe he was just there for useless info. He often did have a lot to say about things that seemed unimportant to me. Maybe he did talk about wine a lot. All I know is that I should have been more attentive and interested because then I'd be hanging out with alexander pain and paul giamatti. Now who's the dummy. I really am very bummed out lately though. I hate my job so much. I really don't think there is a chance of anyone from there googling me and finding this site since I don't think I use my full name and there are literally thousands of instances of my name on the web. It is a fairly common name. Not like Marigold Haske. Unless, of course, someone from works knows marigold and googles her, finds her site, recognizes her illustration of me, and then finds this site. But that is extremely unlikely. So, I fucking hate my job so much I could puke. I hate it so much. I spend a lot of time at work on-line looking at the classifieds and reading them in the break room as well. So someone is going to get the idea that I hate my job. Also, I talk about how much I hate it. But I really am thinking of looking for something else or moving soon. I sort of painted myself in a corner with renegotiating my rent with my brother so I can't really move now but I really would like to get another job. I just have to save up enough money to live for a while without insurance. Or find out if I can get on the oregon health plan. That would be ideal. Then I could even just get a part time job. I just can't take the phone calls and the doctors anymore. I actually like my co-workers but the doctors drive me nuts and the patients are all complete assholes and insane. 99% of them at least. And the administration is a joke. And not even a funny joke half the time. I'm so sick of it all I can't even write anymore about it. It is so fucking ridiculous.