Special Thanks

Special Thanks to my Autie Toonie Baloonie for giving me space on her website to post pictures so I can link them to my site. I now have a new profile pictures which is really me, altered. And look at this neat picture of my nephew taken earlier this month:



Isn't he just the cutest thing this side of the mississip?

On-line Quizzing, On-line Jizzing

So I am now obsessed with okcupid. They have a million tests you can take that don't really have any practical application but are very fun to take. Thanks a lot to Marigold and her friend Sara for ruining my life.

I hope everybody had a great thanksgiving and stuff. I had some turkey and some stuffing and some smashed potatoes. All in all, it was fine. The best part was probably playing Headbanz with my fambily. It is a very fun game, similar to 20 questions only you get a headband and you put a card on it that has a person, place, or thing on it and you ask yes or no questions to try to figure out what your card says. I think Steve and marigold have played it. Maybe Will and Justin too. I remember playing it a lot in college but I forget who I played it with. Fun times. High times. Hard times. Sometimes the living is sweet, and sometimes there's nothing to eat. But I always lands on my feet.

Tomorrow I'm going to be in a parade in Ashland for the show I'm in. That should be tedious and cold and wet but I'll have fun parading my hot shit around because I am totally hot shit.

I'm tired and I need to go off to lullaby land now. Sweet Dreams, Indian Killers.

Oh, one last parting sentiment. This is a song I wrote when I was about eight. I can still play it on the piano but you'll just have to read the words and imagine the great melody I came up with to go with it. I was truly a musical genius until I realised girls should dress up and put lipstick on and play with barbies and keep their pie holes shut.

Thanksgiving Day

On Thanks - gi - ving Day there are thrilling pilgrim stories,
How the In - di - ans helped that first Thanksgiving day.
Oh I love - it - so, eating pumpkin pie and turkey!
Let us all - give - thanks on this bright Thanksgiving day!

Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving day!
Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving, Bright Thanksgiving day!

repeat.

The UCB F-ing Rules!!!! Suck It!!

I just got the first 2 seasons of this awsome show from netflix. If anyone out there in blog land hasn't seen it before, go out and get it because it rules


I also re-rented Chopper so that my brother could see it. It is so great. It is australian and stars Eric Bana as an australian killer and it is hilariously disturbing. I recommend it highly and mightily.

Also, I am now deeply involved in this Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance game. I always resisted baldur's gate games before because it is a role playing game and I think they are sort of silly but I really like this one.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the baby naming game. However, my sister has decided not to name the baby until it is born. That way she can name it have it's most prominent feature like Big Nose, or Stumpy, or Hairlip, or Fetal Alcohol Sydromia. Or, god willing, Beautiful Blond Super Race.

Also, thanks to Jesus Christ for Will and Johanna's great news of their recent betrothment. As Steve said at the recent wedding of two other people whose names I already forget, "Will sure got lucky there... er um.. I mean, not that Will isn't a great guy, it's just that Johanna is so great, I mean, .. er.. um... I wish I had met her first.. I mean, I really like Marigold and all but ... um.. yeah...I'm a Pollock Dumbass."

I count myself as the luckiest because I have never been out of these United States of America and if they decide to have their nuptials in the lovely island of Cyprus then I would get to go and that would be totally awsome. Maybe I won't quit my job so soon.

Name That Fetus

Comments from my previous post:
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous said...
How about Albuquerque Adams?


At 9:02 AM, apants said...
I think you should name it Patch. Or Grizzly. Or Adam. Or John. Or Quincy. Oh! Quincy Jones Adams!!! That would be the coolest name. Or Sam. Sadaam Adaams. How's that sound? Smada Adams. THen you could always ask him or her, "'s mada with you?" How about Lynch Mob Adams.

So The Call has gone out. Come up with a creative name for a baby, male or female, with the last name adams. Remember that his cousin who is just 2 years older than him has the coolest name of Kolchak Russell Murphy and that it's parents are Marya and Alejandro. So No boring stupid names. Like Amanda. stupid parents gave me such a dumb boring name.

My dad's song

My dad sent me this email So I am posting it like he wanted:

I read your blog today and think that this song I wrote for the SPAC show
tonight would be a nice addition.

BODIES ON THE KLAMATH RIVER-
by Amandapants' dad

Bodies, on the Klamath River
They tend to bloat
As down they float
The corpses wobbling
The maggots gobbling
On human bodies
It¹s nature¹s way!
The bodies wash up
Along the river
We stop and lick
Their pus-filled butts
Yes, all them bodies
On the fuckin¹ river
Pucker your lips up
and kiss the filth.


I don't know what tune it is supposed to be sung to or if he wrote his own melody but he actually sang this song in front of people.

netflix and politix

So I signed up for netflix. I get a free trial, so I haven't officially signed up for anything yet but I got my first 3 DVD's yesterday. They are The Station Agent, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and The Office. The Office is an English TV show that is supposed to be hilarious but if it is "are you being served" hilarious I am going to be very disappointed. Because that show sucks assholes. Big bags of assholes.

In regards to the recent election, I haven't really been able to think or talk about it. Marigold's posts on her blog have been positively vitriolic and though I share her anger and disgust as well as that of other friends and co-workers, I have been unable, emotionally, to actually talk about it. This guy who is in the play I'm in right now still wears his Kerry Edwards t-shirts to rehearsal. Yesterday he had on a kucinich sweatshirt. I sort of feel like he looks. Out of touch and surprised, unable to really move on. My grandmother has thrown herself completely into the world of West Wing, where she will probably remain for the rest of her days. My family refuses to talk about it at all. I won't watch any news about bush or read any articles about anything to do with him or the white house. It has been hard, and sometimes I see a headline or catch the end of some story and I get really mad. So I'm just not going to think about any of it for 4 years.

Would it have helped?

google news headline:

Elizabeth Edwards Diagnosed with Breast Cancer
Wired News - 45 minutes ago
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of former Democratic vice presidential candidate John Edwards, has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

If we had known this 3 days ago would it have changed anything? I think it may have. Sympathy vote maybe.

Can't say I didn't do my part.

Beautiful blue oregon.



Although we did pass the measure 36, the one man one woman measure.

Oregon, where the men are men and the women are men.

It'll be a snowy day in Texas when that redneck mother f-er wins reelection.

I found this on google new this morning. Clearly a headline put in Top U.S. Stories with a hint of irony.

"Parts of Texas Blanketed With Snow
Newsday, NY - 3 hours ago
By Associated Press. LUBBOCK, Texas -- Wet snow blanketed parts of Texas, closing roads and cutting power to thousands."

In addition

One thing I forgot, for the people who read my blog but may not read Marigold's, you can go here to check out some pictures from my san diego trip. I'm in a lot of the pictures because Marigold has it bad for me. BAD.

Good Times.

So since the wedding and seeing old friends I've been thinking fondly of old times. Not that the times were actually good times but I like to think on them fondly and pretend they were good times. Also, another way to have good times is fondling. Fondling young fawns, for instance. At any rate, I was going through a box of good times, a veritable treasure chest of treasured memories and I found this hilarious yet incredibly offensive letter than my friend Sheila wrote to my friend Becky in a class they were taking together. Even though it is incredibly offensive and not terribly well written (poor grammar and some questionable spelling) I have decided to reproduce it here, in my blog. So consider yourself warned.

"Dear Becky,
Darling dearest one, how are you? Are you enjoying this fairly groovy math class? Despite the toothy tardy one it is great! In my opinion anyway. The teach is pretty cool for a monotone manzelle math maniac man. I thought that you would appreciate this fun, cutsie little notesie I write to you in honor of highschoolishness and stupidedness. This class is seeming so very elementary to my widdle biddle soul. I have my trouble with the classroom concentration time. What about you?
Well, I bess be on my way Bessie, the teacher is spying my notewritingness with an eye ready to take disciplanary action on my anus-hole. Bye Bye now.

P.S. You are a dirty whore cunt-rag. You have fag-breath you stupid fucking (racist epithet deleted)pig dog. Later I will fuck you painfully in your face-hole. You'd like that, wouldn't you? You disgust me you silly smelly slut.
heart Sheila."

I may post some additional notes and letters I found without the permission of the writers if the response to this one is not too bad.

Have a Scaaaaary Chanukah

Hi. You know, sometimes with all this holiday hustle and bustle, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of Halloween. We observe Halloween to celebrate the birth of Christ. And in celebration of his birth, many traditions have been handed down through the years. The hiding of the eggs. The annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Halloween is a day to bring your daughter to work. Or your secretary. And it's the biggest shopping day of the year! But most of all, Halloween is a time for young people to gather together spreading holiday cheer by lighting bags of their own crap on fire, ringing the doorbell, and running away. So America, Happy Halloween, or as we like to call it, Chanukah.

Have a scary Chanukah!

Vote Early, Vote Often

I got my ballot. Actually, I received my ballot last week but I just found it yesterday because my brother put it in my mail bag that I have and I just didn't bother to look through all of it when I came back from my fantastic trip to San Diego. I'm very excited about voting. I'm worried that something will happen to my ballot like I'll accidently set it on fire or drop it in the toilet or just misplace it. I've already made sure I can get another one if something bad happens to this one. It is an irrational fear similar to the same one I have about my paycheck when I used to get real one instead of having direct deposit. I would just keep it in my purse or wallet or at home somewhere and then I would worry about it getting lost or soiled. But I would just not remember to put in the bank. All my fears would have been alleviated by a simple trip to the atm. So I brought my ballot with my to work today to keep it close to me and to remind myself to comlete it and send it in. I may just drop it off after work in the ballot box because that gives me more of a sense of completion. Democracy stresses me out, man.

I'd like to post something about my trip but you can read marigold's post to get a quick rundown. Everyone who reads my blog should read marigold's anyway because it's way better than mine and yet somehow not as clever or witty. Also, I support the law.

Traveling

So tonight is the night for getting everything ready for traveling. I have to clean out my car which is less of an undertaking than in days gone by. I have to pack. I have to brush my hair one hundred strokes before bedtime. Today I thought, "I wonder if I should bring my gamecube with me to play in the motel room" And then I realized how retarded that sounded. I have to be at work at 7:30 tomorrow so no late night for me tonight!! No Siree. Oh, the posh posh traveling life, the traveling life for me. Port Out, Starboard Home Posh with a Capital P-O-S-H.

I think I know what I'm getting for my birthday!

This is a book about a young diabetic girl. Weird.

The Darkness is Coming

Right now I'm playing Eternal Darkness and it has been giving me nightmares. It's very scary.

I don't recommend it for small children or dogs. Or the elderly.

It's Official!

Nothing is really official. I just though that was a good title of a blog. It sounds so official. And anticipitory. Like one might think, "What's official??? Is she pregnant? Getting married? A lesbian?" But no, nothing is official with me. Mostly things are unofficial. Like this blog. It is an "unofficial autobiography." I am ghostwriting it. Does anyone remember that kids show? I think it was called Ghostwriter and it was about this ghost or spector or something that wrote stuff and only the kids could see it??? Wasn't that it? And what about that show with the dog that would act out great works of literature. What was that show called. I really need to know. Seriously.
I've been thinking a lot about old times and how I miss having friends to hang out with and how I really took a lot of things for granted, like having friends. And not having to work. And having an ass that would not quit. I think about the past way too much. I dreamt I had a baby. So now THAT stuff is going to start. Dreaming of babies. Goddamn hormones.

My first rehearsal for Carnival was today. I think it will be fun. It was strange to go to a rehearsal and not have a whole lot of lines and stuff. I'm sort of looking forward to not having very much responsibility in this show. Usually I have a million lines. Or I have to make out with someone. This will be good. A humbling experience. Because I really do think I am the greatest sometimes. Most times. Sometimes I like to put a little bacon in my shorts. Most times. I'm putting the moves on you. You're Bacon!

Anyway, all this stuff I've been thinking about is mostly likely tied to the fact that I'm going to be seeing a bunch of friends soon and I'm really excited but sort of nervous. Very nervous. I'm afraid I've gotten too weird and eccentric and remote to actually relate to the same people I used to have fun times with. And of course they'll have changed. And they are all doing things and I'm not doing anything. I have no ambition. In order to have ambition you have to have ambitions. Like, things you want to do. But you can't have ambitions without ambition. I tried to do my best, but I could not. I don't want to get married or have kids and stuff. And I don't want a career. And I don't really want to travel even. I can't even relate to people who do stuff.

I literally have not had a truthful conversation with someone who knows me outside of my family in 2 years. I lie. All the time. To people who don't know me very well. I'm fairly honest with people who do know me or people who I'd like to get to know. But I haven't even met someone that I'd like to get to know in a long time. So I'm nervous to be around people who know me. I can't lie to them. They know I'm not nice. They know I swear like a mother fucking stupid-ass bitch. This guy at work the other day told me he thought I was a mormon this whole time I've worked there because I knew this mormon lady that came in once. A year and a half he thought I was a mormon and nothing I did or said dispelled this belief because I am incapable of an honest interaction with anyone I work with. Maybe it's the extra underwear I wear. Over my clothes. To protect myself. From people like him. I drink like 5 cups of coffee every day for christ on a stick's sake.

But I digress. saturday night live is on and I have fucking priorities.

and another thing, why do I feel this overwhelming need to have a picture in all my posts? Just because you CAN have pictures doesn't mean you always have to. That means you, Steve.

foreigner

When I was in highschool we had this foreign exchange student from the czech republic. I can't remember his name but it started with a D. Anyway, one time in math class someone asked him what he did over the weekend and he said. "I helped to build a metal cow" in this czech accent. We all laughed at him. This is that cow.

Donat! Or something. I remember now because everyone called him Donut. Fucking foreign freak.

Things I HATE! (you)

Balderdash. I hate that game.
dread locks
hippies
george bushx2
old people
young people
doctors. I hate doctors more than old people and young people combined.

Does anyone remember Rishi from college? I hated that guy.

Cold.
Onions.
Doctors.
Diabetes
Sharon Stone. Techno. Electronica. Dance Clubs. Strobe Lights. Black Lights. Wine. Feet. I hate feet. Gina Effing Taylor. Football. Baseball. Telephones. Cellphones. Carphones. (I do like walkie talkies)

poppunk

bumberstickers. the english. lawn mowers.

Musicalisms

Everybody loves the Carnival!!!

Yes. Yes! Finally, I get to be in a musical. I went to drop off my resume at this theater in talent, which is a small town outside ashland that has this very cute theater. My brother had told the creative director there about me and she told him to tell me to just bring in a resume and picture and that they would call me if there is anything that she thought I might be good for to audition. So I went by and she was there so I have her my stuff, she made me sing and read from a script, and now I am in a musical called Carnival. I've never even heard of it. That's pretty cool, eh?