Every day when my nephew is over and I leave for work I tell him, "Well, I'm off to the robot parts factory!" And sometimes he asks, "Why don't you ever bring me home a robot from your factory?" He used to ask that, at least. But not anymore because I always reply, "Because we only make the robot parts. Not the actual robots."
Sometimes I like to go read the McSweeney's "Lists" because sometimes they are funny. Every time I read them I feel a little disappointed because none are as good as this one about robots. So I go back and read the robot one every time. And I laugh. Every time. Here it is for you.
JokesMade by Robots,for Robots.
BY J. ALEX BOYD
- - - -
A rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits.
A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he'd like anything. The robot replies, "A soul."
How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?You don't.
"Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?""It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."
Knock knock.Who's there?A robot.Oh, shit.
What's the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot?The gnawing jeers of men.
What's a robot's favorite cereal?Rob-os.(Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)
Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.
Why did the robot order a milkshake?To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.
Why was six afraid of seven?Because seven was a robot.
Great Great Great Robot Jokes.
One time I took little Jack to my actual job at the hospital. I took him to use the bathroom which has this very handy dandy automatic air freshener thing on the wall. It sprayed air freshener while we were in the bathroom and he was very fascinated by this. Later, he was trying to explain it to his dad. He said that we should get one of those things that sprays smells. And I said, "What the hell are you talking about?" or something like that. And he said, "You know, like in the bathroom at the Robot Parts Factory." Ah, yes, of course.
March 24, 2007
Well, I'm Off to the Robot Parts Factory.
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2 comments:
Q) come AmandaPants doesn't cry when she watches Sanjaya on American Idol?
A) Because she's a robot and she doesn't want her face to get rusty.
Q) How come URBAN COWBOY is AmandaPants' favorite movie?
A) Because she is a robot and URBAN COWBOY has a Scientologist AND a mechanical bull.
Who is the scientologist? Oh wait, I was thinking of Drugstore Cowboy. And then I was thinking of Midnight Cowboy. Now I know. Of course. If it was a snake, it've bit me. Which would not have caused me any harm, as I am a robot and feel no pain or sorrow.
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