I need oxygen to breath. Little known fact.
I spent the weeks end with my parents in Yrethra. It was lovely. Pastoral. I watched the aristocrats with my dad. Every daughter should watch the Aristocrats with their dad. We also rented 40 year old virgin because my dad had never seen it. And then I made up this joke, stealing from both movies.
You know how I know that Santa's reindeer are gay? Because Santa's dick tasted like reindeer poop.
I like that joke because it has so many levels. In fact, I'm thinking of writing an explication of that joke instead of one of the poems I am supposed to be writing an explication of right now. Because there is just so much there one can analyze. Scansion, allusions, my god it is a veritable treasure trove of poetic tropes and conceits!
We had to post on a discussion board on line in this same English class where I'm writing this poetry explication. I wrote about masturbation in Frost's "birches" I am dangerous when I have any sense of anonymity whatsoever. Most people didn't even read the comments everyone wrote. Oh well.
So much depends on a red wheel barrow, as the old saying goes.
I'm going to get certified in Human Resources. That is my pseudo-plan at the moment. Once the old BA is out of the way, scooda hoo scooda hay. And the BM. Once the BM is out of the way. My aunt describes my blog on her blog as "the mildly scatalogical blog" of her niece. I feel like I need to live up to this at times. Funny story, I didn't know what a BM was until I watched the move Happiness (an awesome fucked up crazy-assed movie) and a kid in it gets anally abused and tells his mom he has blood in his BM. I had to ask what that meant and no one in the room believed me that I didn't know. What with my reputation and all. I should have listed to my grandpa on that one. If you don't know, don't ask.
Oh and on Thursday one of my teachers asked to keep my essay to make copies to show her future students how to write a fucking essay. And then next in my history class I barely got a passing grade on an essay. Just goes to show. You can't please everybody. Or that second professor is a retard. I have my own theories.
If I got a cell phone it would be one with those cameras. Then I could take clandestine pictures of my boyfriend Phil at the coffee shop and then build a whole new blog devoted only to him and post all kinds of pictures of him.
ho boy.
February 19, 2006
And its a four, five, six, seven, grab your umbrella, grab ahold of me cause I'm your favorite fella.
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When I was about 13-years old I was in the car with my parents and saw that someone had scrawled on the wall "Jody is a CUNT" So I had to ask them what a cunt was. They wouldn't tell me.
cunt cunt cunt. What a word, eh? My parents would have totally told me what it was. In fact, I don't remember ever not knowing what a cunt was. "Shut your cunt-face!" my dad would tell my mom. "Your cunt of a mother is on the phone!" my mother would report to my father. Yes I learned early on in life that a cunt was a girl. Like Me! Your parents probably didn't tell you because they thought you were stupid for not figuring it out by the scrawled message. Jody, you see, is a non-gender specific name. So the person doing the scrawling was just making sure that people understood that this jody has a bergina. How about Cunt Haske!
You were THIRTEEN and you didn't know what a cunt was? Geez. What a cunt you were.
I guess I shouldn't make fun. I didn't know what a rusty trombone was until a few days ago. Now I can't get enough!
I have a similar story. When I was about 10 I was watching TV with my sister who is 7 years older than me so she would have been like 17. The word Dildo was uttered on whatever we were watching. Probably not something suitable for a 10 year old but my family was always kind of lax when it came to suitability. Can you tell? Anyway, my sister didn't know what a dildo was! And she was almost in college!! I couldn't believe she didn't know what it was but I was too embarrassed to really explain it to her. But she really wanted to know. I think I said it was a fake weener or something along those lines. My sister was such a dildo.
dildo dildo cunt cunt rusty trombone. I looove the internet!!!!
Good thing no one will read all these comments.
No, it wasn't that I didn't know what a dildo was... it was that I didn't know what it looked like. It was that movie Parenthood and somehow all the lights go out and Steve Martin's trying to find a flashlight and the lights come back on and he's holding a vibrator.
Then there was the time when I was thirteen and Adrian and Michael's cousin came to visit and she and her brother asked me and Myles if we wanted to do some lines and I was picturing drawing lines on pieces of paper. Myles coolly answered no for us, fortunately. So I didn't have to be disappointed that it wasn't going to be a doodling party!
But I will admit that I never really learned to masturbate, whereas you were a pro from, like, age 12.
I came upon this comments thread late but I verify that its the hardest i've laughed at work in ages.
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