Pubic Service Announcement.

Ha ha ha. That one always kills. Public? Pubic? What an embarrassing typo! Oh the English language! Filled to the brim with potential yucks.

But seriously, I have vital information to pass along as a service from me to you.

Firstly, did you know that one of the most delicious snacks to have is graham cracker/frosting sandwiches? I personally like the plain white cream cheese frosting but chocolate is also very good. Any type of frosting at all really. My grandmother used to give this to me as a snack when I would visit her as a child. I recently rediscovered it because the hospital here gives away little packets of graham crackers for free like the regular saltines near the soup and I have been in the habit of grabbing one or two of them. I was at the store recently and realized, hey! I can buy graham crackers here and eat them at home! And then I thought, oh goodness, I should get a little thing of frosting too! And here we are today. I actually feel healthier eating this rather than overly processed and packaged cookies and other sweet things. It is all in my mind, of course, (I mean what is more processed than frosting!) but still it is delicious and cheap and kind of fun to eat.

Secondly, Happy July the First! For those of you keeping track, my birthday is in 5 days which gives you just enough time to order something for me online and get it delivered in time even with the Holiday. And to tell the truth, I don't mind getting gifts a few days late. I am very forgiving. Just don't buy me an iPod because I just bought myself one. I am so freaking excited about it! Look at me! Cellphones, iPods, casual sex with strangers I met on craigslist. I am such an early 21st century girl. Like, circa 2003 or 2004. That craigslist part was mostly a fabrication. Turns out, we had met before. That part was also a fabrication. But to get back to the point, I also bought myself a scanner. I had been perusing them for quite some time now. I have this idea in my head that a scanner will somehow make my life so much better and more interesting. I don't know how this is even remotely possible since all it will do is keep me shut in my apartment going through old photos and documents and reliving my painful sordid past. This is exactly what I do not need, right? I know, right?

But that is the plan. Scanning documents, making myself digital. For posterity. For the children I'll never have. I have been watching reruns of Sex in the City on the CW/WB/UPN lately. It is on when I get home from work. I always really liked that show but it is so much more relevant to my life now so of course now I hate it and throw things at the television when stupid Carrie makes some stupid pun or stupid Samantha does the same line reading and inflection of every single phrase she utters or stupid Charlotte and Miranda, who should not even be friends with these other two, let alone each other, make me even more angry by making me RELATE to them and continue watching. Usually I throw my dirty socks because I have an endless supply of dirty socks because I haven't done my laundry in two weeks. Now when I do my laundry I already have a nice pile of dirty socks all sorted and ready to go in front of the television. Thanks, SJ. That's what I call Sarah Jessica Parker for short. By the way, I think her clothing line, Bitten, is fugly. Can I get a Hell Yeah? Or a What What? Which is it going to be?

Is it me, or could that last paragraph have been excerpted directly out of a fictitious column of Carrie Bradshaw's herself? That show must be causing me direct harm in my Brains.

In sum, Birthday (July 6th, mark your calendulas (that is a joke for Marigold)), already have an iPod and scanner on the way so buy me something else, Sex in the City makes me feel ill but in a good way mostly, and graham crackers with frosting is the best thing to prevent prostate cancer (I'm pretty sure it will prevent me from getting it).

There was one more thing... What was it...My favorite Holiday is 4th of July! Have fun! I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold a sparkler this year or not. Maybe next year when I'm 29 I'll hold a sparkler. There was still something else... darn it.

I remembered! I took a page from Marigold's book regarding Myspace. I fucking hate it. I hated it the second I entered into it's crass page designs and obnoxious music. I think it is retarded and I just hate it. Okay? Jeez. Get off my back. So recently, when Marigold decided to just give it all up (for Lent, I assume) and delete herself I thought to myself, if Marigold can do it, I can. I didn't, but I came close. I am just as mildly obsessed with it as the next guy. I want to see what people are up to. My voyeurist inclinations are partially sated by it. So I parred down my page and my info and I deleted all my friends. I felt so much better afterward. If you used to be my myspace friend and you aren't anymore it isn't because you aren't my friend. If anything, I like you too much to have you be my fake myspace friend. I mean, in a world where Marigold isn't my myspace friend, what does friendship even mean? I also want to issue out a call for all people to delete all their fake friends. Instead of seeing how many fake friends you can have, let's see who can have the fewest. I tried to have zero but for some reason it still says I have 2. Maybe this is to keep me from killing myself and suing myspace? They can always say, hey, we gave lonelyloser.com there 2 imaginary friends, you can't blame us.

There. That was all.