Have A Scaaaaary Chanukah - Again!

From The State's 43rd Annual Halloween Special

"Hi. You know, sometimes with all this holiday hustle and bustle, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of Halloween. We observe Halloween to celebrate the birth of Christ. And in celebration of his birth, many traditions have been handed down through the years. The hiding of the eggs. The annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Halloween is a day to bring your daughter to work. Or your secretary. And it's the biggest shopping day of the year! But most of all, Halloween is a time for young people to gather together spreading holiday cheer by lighting bags of their own crap on fire, ringing the doorbell, and running away. So America, Happy Halloween, or as we like to call it, Chanukah.

Have a scary Chanukah!"

I put that on my blog last year. And I will next year too. So get used to it.

Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!

Polite Company

So I've been hanging out with this girl from work named Marie and her sister Joann and some of their friends for like the last 3 Friday's in a row. It is weird because I haven't hung out with anyone for that amount of time, other than my family, for like 3 years. Since I left Humboldt in September 2002 to be exact. So over 3 years. Christ. Time flies when you do absolutely nothing.

I am totally socially inept. I always have been but I am more so now. I'm better than I expect. Sometimes I say things that make everybody laugh. Most times. I'm not all that inept. I can always make people laugh. But like last night I talked to this girl who loves all the same stuff I love, has seen all the same movies. She even brought over Cannibal:The Musical to watch. We ended up watching Saw and Event horizon instead because that is what the general consensus demanded. She was really funny and stuff but I was really just not interested in becoming best friends forever with her. I usually know within about 15 minutes if I really hit it off with someone and just having things in common doesn't work like it used to. Almost everybody I've really hit it off with I can remember the first time I ever met them. Or rather, the first conversation. In great detail. And there is more to it then just having stuff in common.

Anyway, I have been drinking almost every single weekend for like the last month too. Which is totally not like me. I am drinking a beer right now. When I met that guy I was hanging out with for a short while we drank because that is kind of what you do when you are young and single and trying to not be awkward. He was kind of pretentious so we drank a lot of wine. I got so I wanted to just start drinking as soon as we started hanging out because I couldn't stand the awkward soberness. Which is one of the reasons I decided the idea of spending any more time with him was unhealthy and unwise. Not to mention degrading and totally against everything I believe in as a feminist. Although I have been reevaluating that lately too. Not my being a feminist but how that actually applies to my life. Because of that play I was just in. And the fact that I entered into this relationship that was eerily similar to that of the main character of the play I just finished. And I did so on the closing night of the play. If nothing else, that guy really made me think about some things. And I'm bummed I couldn't just suck it up and deal with my own issues on my own time. But I couldn't. So I had to stop seeing him. I'll get to that later. Maybe.

So Marie and her sister are total drunks. They drink a lot. And they have people over that they don't even know that well and they all drink. And watch movies. Or get high. And drink. So when in Rome. But I feel like I am just replacing one excuse not to be lonely with another even less healthy even less fulfilling one. Sometimes I wish I actually wrote in a journal or something so I could be explicit but if I didn't write in this blog I wouldn't write anything so it is better than nothing. Marie has Multiple Sclerosis, which is an interesting story all by itself. And Joanne recently graduated from college with an English degree. So we have some things in common. Marie has to give herself shots so sometimes we go take our shots together. Its like having a girl to go to the bathroom with at a restaurant. A bizarrely comforting feeling of camaraderie. And they are both smart and funny and vulgar and brash and brazen and all the things that usually appeal to me in female friends. I've just been trying to take care of myself lately. Going to my doctor regularly. Exercising regularly. Eating well. Maintaining somewhat of an emotional even keel. And this last month has just pushed me over some edge I didn't know was there.

The person I was very very briefly seeing had a girlfriend. And he had started to date someone else after I met him as well. That was kind of his thing. He was not a monogamous person. I have been called a serial monogamist. By my friend Becky. Like that is a bad thing. I thought I would try out this person and see if this was something I could manage. It felt like neither of us really liked each other very much and that was why we weren't headed toward anything exclusive or committed. We probably did like each other a lot. But those ground rules had already been set. He wasn't going to be living here for long. He has a girlfriend. He sees other people. So I just pretended I didn't like him very much. And so then I started not to like him very much. I convinced myself for my own good. I could have just as easily convinced myself that I totally looooved him sooo much. I've done that before. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have any authentic feelings for people which aren't influenced by what I think they think of me. Probably not.

What else is there to say? Other than I watched The Saddest Music in the World tonight. It was a fantastic movie. I watched All about My Mother this morning. It was even more fantastic. I started watching last night and finished watching this morning, Power and Terror in our Times:Noam Chomsky. It was really weird. It was a Japanese film. Made buy a Japanese film company. All in English because it is basically just Noam Chomsky talking at a bunch of different universities and some interviews with him but interspersed were these weird montages of city scenes with people walking and Japanese rock songs playing over them. I watched yesterday afternoon Wit, with Emma Thompson. I had read the play and I loved it and the movie was probably one of the best movie adaptations of a play that there could be. It was really great but it made me cry. Not a long sobbing kind of cry. Just a one tear down the side of your face kind of cry. My favorite kind. It looks so dramatic!

Hardy Har Har(sarcastically)

So when I come to the library I often have to wait for a computer to become available for my own personal use and during this time in which I am waiting I like to pick up a little something to read. For about a month or two now I've been picking up Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee. What a great fucking play. Seriously. Great. And Fucking. And a play. SERIOUSLY. Today I picked it up and read this:

George:And the women around here are no better than puntas - you know, South American ladies of the night. You know what they do in South America...in Rio? The Puntas? Do you know? They hiss...like geese...They stand around in the street and they hiss at you...like a bunch of geese.
Nick:Gangle.
George:Hm?
Nick:Gangle...gangle of geese...not bunch...gangle.
George:Well if you're going to get all cute about it, all ornithological, it's gaggle...not gangle,gaggle.
Nick:Gaggle? Not Gangle?
George:Yes, gaggle.
Nick(crestfallen):Oh.
George:Oh. Yes...Well they stand around on the street and they hiss at you, like a bunch of geese. All the faculty wives, downtown in New Carthage, in front of the A&P, hissing away like a bunch of geese. That's the way to power - plow 'em all!
Nick(still playing along):I'll bet you're right.
George:Well I am.
Nick:And I'll bet y our wife's the biggest goose in the gangle, isn't she...? Her father president, and all.
George:You bet your historical inevitability she is!
Nick:Yessirree. (Rubs his hands together) Well now, I'd just better get her off in a corner and mount her like a goddam dog, eh?
George:Why, you'd certainly better.

These two are a bit drunk during this scene but to really understand it in context just go read it. Or watch it. Or rent the movie. Lazy bones.

Here is a picture of Richard Burton as George and me in 20 years.
I just thought this little exchange was great. And it is what I read today.

I'm also reading Everything is Illuminated because they made a movie out of it and I thought I'd better read it before I went out and saw the movie. You know how it is. And I bought the sequel to Wicked, called Son of a Witch. But I'm going to read that later. And then I'm going to give it to my mother for christmas. I've read all Gregory Maguire's books. They are pretty good. I think Wicked is the best but we'll see if I still think that after I read this new one. We'll see. My pretties. Won't we?

I also saw Domino and Elizabethtown this weekend. Neither have gotten very good reviews. I loved both totally and completely with all of my heart. Domino has tom waits in it. Elizabethtown has Loudon Wainwright III in it. Two musical artists I am fond of. Elizabethtown also has Alec Baldwin in it briefly. I have a thing for him. It is sort of recent. I think he may be the 2nd most underappreciated genius of our times next to Christopher Walken. Who was in Domino. So you can see why I might have enjoyed these two movies even if they were sort of long and dilly-dallying and needed to be edited a bit more to really be great. So there you go. See them, or don't. I don't fucking care, you lot of parrot-loving bilge-rats, you scalawag swabbies, you lice-infested landlubbers. Argh.

There is a character in Everything is Illuminated who is a ukrainian translator and has some problems with the English language. He reminds me of my friend Yoshi from college. Yoshi was from Japan. He was awesome. He would say the craziest stuff sometimes though. Mostly when he would try to translate japanese common phrases into english. Or when he would open his mouth to talk. He was crazy then too.

There is this Security guard patrolling around the computer lab area trying to look intimidating. I just smirked at him. The back of his right pant leg is tucked into his shoe and his left pant leg is normal. He looks so silly!

Euphemisms for Breaking Up: A Challenge

So in case anybody who reads this doesn't read aunt faintly's blog also, which is doubtful, she wrote a little bit of somethin' somethin' about my family in her last blog entry. So here it is.

Also. I kind of had to break it off with my new friend for reason's I'll probably go into here if I have a drunken posting session soon. But in the mean time, I wish someone would supply me with some good euphemisms for breaking up with someone. That are funny.

Sup, Ya'll

Um. I am sooooooooo bored. Totally totally totally bored. All-encompassingly bordorama-rific.
Yesterday I worked. I answered the phone several hundred times. I called considerably fewer people. I used to call a lot of people. Used to set up a lot of appointments, confirm appointments. Or appts, as I call them. My work shorthand sometimes tries to creep into my other types of writing. Well, actually just here. Since I really don't do a lot of other writing. Back to work. I typed dozens of messages. I talk to patients on the phone and I type messages to the nurses to call the patients back regarding this or that.
Usually they look like this: Dr soandso's rn:patient's blood pressure is high and or low and or he or she is experiencing chest pain, chest discomfort, jaw pain, high pulse, hard heart beat, rapid heart beat, etc. Or patient had labs done 5 minutes ago and is calling to find out if we have results yet. Or patient had labs done 6 weeks ago and never got results. Or had a test done and never got results. Or is returning a call from you. Or is returning a call from somebody but they don't know who it is. Or, mostly commonly, "my heart feels kinda funny, weird, I can't really explain it." There are a lot of things I put in quotes so as to make sure the rn knows that this is what the patient said, not something I would actually say. But a lot of times I just rewrite what they are complaining about more succinctly with an eye for efficiency and get-to-the-freakin'-pointedness. Which reminds me of a conversation I had recently about letters to the editor in newspapers.
I type about 50-100 of these sorts of messages a day. I am a very good little typist. When I first moved here I took a typing test a temp agency. It was the stupidest typing test I've EVER seen. It wouldn't allow you to double space after sentences so basically I had to modify how I type completely in order to take it. I still got about 75-80 wpm. I am much faster now. Since I type so many strange messages all day long. Many of them are the same but quite a few come straight out of the blue. And I have to type a lot of medication names like amiodarone and furosimide and aminophylline and metoprolol and isosorbide mononitrate and isosorbide dinitrate and the list goes on. Like the beat. So my stream of consciousness writing style is all the more perfected now that I can literally type as I think. For the most part. Which leads to stupid crap about my job. BUT! Someday I will read this and think, "oh yeah, that's what that job was like. Fancy that."

So that's what I did yesterday. And today. And Wednesday for that matter. And nothing really interesting happened at work. And nothing really interesting happened at home. And I started realizing.... slowly... that I am not in a play! And when I am in a play all I want to do is have one freaking hour at home when I can just sit around and watch TV or two freaking hours to go see a movie. Or five fucking hours to sleep in and play video games. But when the down time is sort of forced by not having much of a life it sure doesn't seem as great anymore. So it turns into doooown time. But I'm down with that. Yo.

I work in a tiny little box. Little boxes made of ticky tacky. It is actually a room, not a cubicle but it is really more of a walk in closet. With two people. One of those people isn't me. One of them is. Which makes for interesting conversation. Office pitter patter and jibber jabber. Constantly. Today, my cohort is taking a long lunch. Because I told her to. Because I am her pseudo-supervisor and I get to say things like, you have too much overtime, take a long lunch. Biotch. So I get a whole hour to myself. Alone. Answering phones and typing. I cherish this time so much. And yet I complain about spending too much time alone. Huh.

We have a new employee who I will be training on Tuesday. Today and Monday my boss is training him. He will come to me on Tuesday with a general awareness about the job but no real training. He is the husband of another coworker. He is one of 4 men who work in our office, not including the doctors. I worry about him assimilating. He was in the army for a long time. We'll see. I think I like him so far but it is going to me and him and my coworker in this tiny, literally (I measured, just now) 7ftx8ft room. Which makes for a very crowded stressful environment to try to train in. I feel for him.

My friend at work Marie invited me last weekend to go to Red Lobster for drinks and dinner and I did. I met her sister and some other people and they were really funny and fun. Just now, she walked in and invited me to a party she is having at her parent's house while they are away. So that's pretty cool. She said it is not a big party. They may play cards and may watch a movie or something. But Marie is kind of a drunk so I'm sure it will be an interesting "small get-together." I'm not sure for sure if I'll go but I probably will. Unless something else comes up between now and then. Which is possible. Marie reminds me of Sheila. A LOT. Mostly in the way that she has these weird boundaries but you give her one drink and she has NO boundaries at all. Sheila was like that. Probably still is. Oh Sheila. I miss you.

What's the Big Idea?

Rattrap:
My new friend and I have had some conversations recently about religion and politics despite our both being reasonable people who know the pitfalls of discussing this crap. But for the most part we agree on a lot of things. Because of these recent conversations I have been reading up on some atheist writers I had read a little bit on a few years ago when I started to actually "come out" as an atheist. One guy, Anthony Flew, who I only read a little bit about a few years ago, stuck in my head. And today I read that he had renounced Atheism and become a Deist. So now I am reading this interview with him. It is pretty interesting stuff if you are into this kind of stuff. Puffnstuff. You can stuff your sorries in a sack. In A Sack!!

Claptrap:
If you are more audially inclined as a consumer then you might enjoy this: GGch33m.mp3 (audio/mpeg Object)
This link will allow you to listen to the final chapter of my uncle's book Dead Ginney. I am personally featured in it which causes a strange mix of embarrassment and pride. If you listen to it you'll see why.

BLAP!:
I am writing a Sestina. If I don't hate it I'll post it here. If I really don't hate it I'll email it to McSweeney's. I am catching up with Marigold on this. I loooove the sestinas on mcsweeney's. Its like a logic puzzle/creative exercise to try to write one.

Social Firefly

The title of this post is Social Firefly which is from a song by a band called Blast Off Country Style. Which is a band that my friend Jim Shelley introduced me to about 10 years ago. Which is about how long I've known jim shelley. Or not known him, depending on how you look at it. Anyway, it is a great song. I am also partial to their song "I'm a teenage Unicorn" because the lyrics are "I'm a teenage unicorn, please give me some candy corn." And because it is very pretty. Like a unicorn.

The thing is, I kind of feel like a social firefly today. I was sort of planning to go to this thing at the ScienceWorks museum in ashland. It is a beer tasting, music playing, science looking at, type of shin-dig and my new friend is working but I thought I might still check it out for myself. But then I found out that some people I knew in college are going to be playing there. I don't know if any body reading this remembers Zach Rouse. He was kind of a doof but he was a pretty good actor and I did a couple plays with him and his wife Tisha. So this band he is in with Dan Stockwell (who I admire more than almost anyone in the world) is coming all the way from Arcata to play at this thing.
Here is a blurb I found about them. I have seen them play many times in college and in shows. I saw all shows that are mentioned in the article I linked to. They are good together. Not really my favorite type of music but it will bring me back to old times. Good times.
So now I HAVE to go. Also, a friend from highschool of mine, sage meadows, has a band that is playing there. And my friend might be able to meet me after work. Which would be nice but since I will be entertained by old acquaintances it would not be the end of the world if he was unable to.

The other interesting news I have is that one of the doctors at work has asked me to house-sit for him for like the entire month of december. He lives in a big doctor house just outside of Ashland. I am totally excited. It'll be like a vacation. Only I will still have to work. I asked him, "are you sure you trust me?" and he laughed and then said seriously, "I trust you with my life." I don't know if he was joking or not but I thought it was really funny. He has 4 dogs and some fish or something that I would have to not kill. But I'm sure he has all the amenities I would require otherwise. Doesn't that sound like fun?

I'm so excited about all my prospects!

Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen

I have been so out of the loop lately, entertainment news-wise. Eminem is going to retire??? Freddie Prinze Jr has a tv show? Yoko is talking trash again? That fucking whore. I haven't been watching much tv or reading much so today I bought the SF chronicle and flipped right to the datebook section so I can get caught up. Also, I checked google news for entertainment tidbits. So I'm getting back into the swing of things. I want to see Domino. And Everything is Illuminated. Although I think I need to do what alicia did and read the goddamned book before I see the movie.

My sister sent me this funny link
Here is a sample. It is actually a picture of me at work.


There is one near the bottom of the list that is a surgeon. I've seen that one in doctors offices before and it always makes me laugh. I think the chiropractor that becky worked for in eureka had one like that with a doctor and jesus behind him in his office but it wasn't a surgeon. And this office in Ashland that I interviewed for a job a couple years ago had the surgeon one. Hilllllarious. Remember a while back when I posted about that comedian mitch hedberg who died? Monday I went out and bought his comedy album. I've never done that before. People might think that because I like comedy and comedians and I like to see standup movies and stuff that I might own comedy cds but I don't. Only now I do. And you know what? He is still funny. Even dead.
"I don't have a microwave but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit" more quotes

The Big One

I watched Michael Moore's The Big One this weekend. I don't know how old it was but I think it was during Clinton's reelection when Dole was running against him. Much of it is just lectures and book signings from his book tour after writing Downsize This. I read it and liked it but he is so much better in front of an audience or with people around him than he is as just a writer. Still, I love him. The Big One is very light and easy but which much less heart and passion than his other movies. Less polarizing. I recommend it.

I was talking to my dad yesterday at dinner about how much it drives me crazy that the patients where I work are constantly saying things like, "if I live that long" or "if I'm still alive next week." They think it is funny but it really wears on me. Because some of them won't. And when you hear that 20 times every day anything can get annoying. But especially when it constantly reminds you of death and mortality. And they sound so needy and pathetic, feeling sorry for themselves. So if you read this and you say this to people at your doctor's office, keep in mind that they hear this 20 times a day and you are depressing me.

Also, my dad was telling me about one of his uncles who was in the IRA who got sent to New Zealand because he was captured by the British and had to skip town pretty quickly. My dad just watched the motorcycle diaries about che guevara and it reminded him of his uncle because apparently he was a big fan of che's. It made me think about people's personal heroes and how an Irish revolutionary and a Cuban revolutionary live together in this alternate world even though they are on opposite sides of the globe. But mostly it made me mad again that my dad doesn't tell me enough about his family. I don't know if I wrote about it in this blog but once I found a letter to my dad that his cousin Fintan wrote to him from the H-block in Ireland.
It is really weird. He can't write about certain things because they would read all his mail and so it is a very generic and carefully written letter. But he asked my dad to send him a picture of his family, just to make sure that if he does that my dad is not in the picture because they were not allowed to get pictures in prison with any males over the age of 18 in the picture. Secret messages I guess. Not that a woman couldn't give secret messages in a photo. Or maybe seeing pictures of fathers and uncles and brothers incite bad behavior amongst prisoners.

I'm probably going to go see a show tonight at the Cabaret dinner theater in Ashland. So there's that.

Come Out Come out

This will be my last post for a while. Mostly because I am probably going to be quite busy in the next few weeks but also because I am pissed off completely. All this long while that I've been getting these anonymous comments I thought that they may be different people. One of them even gave him or herself a different anonymous name so I'm pretty sure they are different people. But I just found out last night that the person I thought was the main culprit is not. So I am very very confused and upset.

As I told my new friend, the person I met at the poker game that I wrote about last week, I probably wouldn't have been so forward and so open if I didn't think he was one of those anonymous people. So he thanks you, whoever you are. But I am fucking pissed the fuck off.

It is a rainy day in Oregon.

My play is over now. I'm a little bummed out. It'll be nice to have all my evenings and weekends free now but I always feel a little empty like school is out and I don't have any summer plans. I have made a new friend who will hopefully fill up some of my time. And I may go visit my folks this weekend because it has been a while since I've been home. And I did see Serenity. It was pretty great. I really really liked it. I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone but definitely to anybody who is reading this right now. Except my dad. I don't think he would like it too much. He'd like the first half but the second half would be a little too much for him. He says that about every movie.

I need to figure out what to do next.

Like Cats to a Bathroom

If it seems like I am posting a lot lately it's because I am. I'm a little manic. More than a little. Every few years or so when I feel like this I start to wonder if it is genetics or just my present circumstances that lead to acting and feeling all jittery and remote and yet more open and sharing than ever before. Like when I held myself up in my room on sunset avenue in arcata for hours on end making my "Going Big" journal and then finally came out and forced my roommates to read it all. Mainly, I am trying to distance myself from my love post because part of me wishes I had never written it and if I keep posting it won't be on my main page anymore but rather relegated to archives. So I have 23 minutes at the library computer until it locks up on me and I go see a movie. With all my recent sharing I really don't have a lot to say. But with my manic fingers typing away I actually have everything to say. About everything. So there is some risk involved there with saying more I will regret later when I read this next week. But mostly because it will end up like the stupid things you read in your junior high diary, not because it isn't worth documenting. So I won't talk about myself and that will take care of that.

I have been slowly, over months really, trying to listen to all the music Justin sent me. I finally pulled out the DeVotchKa album and I've been listening to it in my car to and from Talent. It is really great. Here is a website. DeVotchka. They look like they would be the best band to see live.

The first song on the album sounds like Tom Waits musically arranged a song for Roy Orbison to sing and then got a band of gypsies to back him. Basically. I've also been listening to The Black Rider, speaking of Tom Waits, which Justin also sent me. I've heard it before but I never bought it so now I own it and I can listen to it all I want. Pretty great. I still like Closing Time best.

Planned moviehood - Serenity Now!!!!

Ashland Street Cinemas
Saturday Oct 1st

Serenity
Rated PG-13, 1 hr 59 min
Showtimes: (12:50), (3:30), 6:10, 8:50

Cinemark Tinseltown USA Medford
Saturday Oct 1st

Serenity
Rated PG-13, 1 hr 59 min
Buy Tickets: 1:50, 4:35, 7:20, 10:00

So the question is, after I go home this evening and watch the rest of the dvd's I have yet to finish of Firefly, what time do I go see Serenity tomorrow? And where? Do I go to an early show in Medford if I get out of the house in time or do I go to a later show in Ashland and just drive to the theater for my last Saturday night performance after the movie. Life is filled with questions and semi trucks.

My theater resume. In case you want to hire me as an actor. Because I am sick of my job.

Changing the subject

I have recently been reflecting back on my career in the theater because I have been reevaluating what I want to get out of all this experience I have. I have thought of trying to become a dramaturgy because I think I would be really good at that and it would keep me involved in theater and use my skills but I know if I got out of acting I would miss it and would want to go back. Anyway, all this reflecting made me want to make a list of all the shows I've been in not including stupid school recitals, dance recitals, choir stuff, etc. Just real plays and shows that involved memorizing lines and blocking. Here is that list starting from the most recent. It took a lot longer than I thought it would to remember everything.

The Heidi Chronicles 2005
Judgment at Nuremberg 2005
The Boy Who Talks to Whales 2005
Carnival 2004
Blithe Spirit 2004
Toni Told Me Not To Tell You 2002
North 2001
Nuptial Flight 2001
Fast And Loose; Monkey Business 2000
The Rez Sisters 2000
The Last Exhibition 2000
Hunting Cockroaches 2000
Arcadia 1999
The Dance of the Vietnam Dragon 1998
Night of one acts 1996
The Music man 1996
A Christmas Carol 1995
Guys and Dolls 1995
A Christmas Carol 1994
The Wizard of Oz 1994
Julius Caeser 1994
You can't take it with You 1993
Romeo & Juliet 1993
Arsenic & Old Lace 1992
Charlotte's Web 1992
A midsummer night's Dream 1991
Kids Wild Show 1988
Charlotte's Web 1987
Paradox of Wild 1986
Kidstuff 1985


I think I am missing something but 30-some plays in 27 years is a pretty good run if you ask me. So I don't know. I guess if I ever do go back to school I should just try to do something with theater that isn't acting. Something more practical. Because I hate acting classes, mostly. I really liked directing classes and dramatic lit. I should do that. Of course what I really should do is just teach. Because you know what they say.

I found this on-line from this guy's portfolio. me in hunting cockroaches
He has some other pictures from productions at Humboldt that made me nostalgic. Joe was a very nice person. I think he got married to Elena and they lived happily ever after. I hope so.

This weekend is the last weekend of The Heidi Chronicles. I've actually had fun doing this one. It has been hard and the rehearsal process and run have been long but I still like the play and the people in it and it is nice to get laughs every night.

Oh, and boy howdy do I ever think I am great. However my recent craziness was summed up well by a jpr interview I heard this morning. This author said that she was crazy after her husband died and the interviewer thought that her behavior was normal given the circumstances and she said that her craziness was probably just a perceived loss of control that she wasn't used to. I'm no control freak except when it comes to my own emotions and my ability to think logically and any loss of control for me does make me totally crazy. So I am attempting slowly to regain my composure because crazy is not a pretty color for someone with my complexion.

mandy goth love

So I am such a freak. I am embarrassed by my freakishness. My face is red. And flushed. Because I have a total immature teenaged mandy-like crush on a virtual stranger. I played poker for like maybe the 5th time in my life on Saturday night. My brother invited some people from work and there is an intern where he works that came. And I love him now. I am so crazy. I figured he would be the sort of person who would have a blog and I found out, after extensive googling, that he does on livejournal but I'm not going to link to it because I don't want anybody to even know anything about him because he is sort of a weirdo. I guess I shouldn't say weirdo but he is definitely into some things I am not nor have I ever had the desire to be into. But he is also a scrabble champion. So you have to take the good with the weird. Anyway, I totally won the poker game. I won 10 dollars which is pretty good when you are just playing with nickels, dimes and quarters. And for the first time playing poker I actually enjoyed myself. Mostly because I didn't know what to do and my special friend was very patient and knowledgeable. And I was winning. It's interesting because I haven't really had these sorts of inane crush-like feelings for a long time unless you count coffee shop guy which I don't since I don't think he even knows my name and we never had a conversation that wasn't about coffee or the weather or my debit card. He does however seem to wear a lot of black a lot of silver jewelry which is not something I am usually into. But then again, he admits to laughing at the family guy in his blog so I can see glimpses of a normal smart interesting even boring person somewhere inside him that is itching to come through and I think I am just the person to bring that out. He might be smarter than me though which I have a hard time with. I doubt it. But all the things I am smartest at like, you know, words and stuff, like, he is like, totally really good at too, you know what I'm saying? And he is tall. Which I don't normally go for either. I didn't know he was tall until he stood up though. Then I became intimidated. God this post is asinine. I'm sorry. Next time I'll go back to talking about something that will make people more comfortable to read like my menstrual cycle or how much I love listening to gay singer-songwriters. I swear to god some days I can't fucking stand what kind of person I've become but it was totally unavoidable. You know?

Odds and Ends. Bods and Rear Ends.

I felt like writing all day today. Unfortunately I don't have a specific topic in mind. Sometimes I think of things to write about and then I even think them out-loud in a writerly sort of form. And then I get to thinking about it later and I don' t like the idea at all. Like I thought about writing something about how smart I am that would be funny and self depricating and illustrate how stupid smart women can be. But then I thought that was a little too sort of vain or something and I would probably mess it up and make myself sound like a total ass. Of course, this is a blog which is a completely self centered endeavor and not very many people even read it so I should feel perfectly comfortable writing about whatever the hell I feel like but then that just seems like a waste of time if I'm not even happy with what I end up spitting out. And furthermore, it isn't like I edit what I've written so if I start out writing something that I think is a waste of time and stupid I usually end up just deleting it or posting it without a 2nd thought. So there's that to consider.

This is probably a really old picture of my aunt I found by googling Laurie Jones. My aunt has a blog now. My aunt toony baloony. That isn't her real name. Her real name is Laurie and I suppose a lot of people call her that. But I don't. I've always called her Tuney. I don't know the whole story behind the name but since my aunt isn't really sure what she should write about in her blog I suggest that she write about that name and where it came from and what it means to her now that she is a 50 year old woman with a stupid nick name like Tuney. It might be an interesting blog entry. Names are interesting stories usually. Sort of. Some of them at least. Not mine, really. I told her I would put up a link to her site on my page and so if I have done that you would probably see it on the right-hand side of your screen. I think my sister should make a blog. It would probably just end up a baby blog but babies are okay so that wouldn't be too bad.

I've been listening to The Decemberists again. Obsessively. I bought a new stereo. I had the same stereo since I was a junior in high school. I got it for christmas that year 1994 so it is over 10 years old. Crazy. It still works just fine but I mean, christ, who has the same cheap stereo for forever? Me. So I got a fancy 5 cd changer thing that plays mp3's so I can listen to the discs that just sent me with 8million albums on them without using the cd's that I burned from them. But whenever I listen to said discs I get stuck on the Decemberists and just listen to the same songs over and over again because they are so awsome. If I made movies I would make movies of their songs. If I could draw I would draw pictures of their songs. If I took pictures I would dress dogs and cats up in costumes and take pictures of them acting out their songs. They are just great story kind of songs. I love story songs. And songs about boats and pirates and sailors and stuff. And I'm beginning to like ships more and more. Mostly because of my stupid crazy brother who has big gold and brass plates with ships embossed on them covering the walls of our living room. They come in various shapes and sizes much like pizza sizes you see up on the wall when you go to order pizza. From personal to extra large. I found this picture on the world wide web as an example. Imagine 20 of these all over your walls in varying shapes and sizes. Actually, just varying sizes. All circles.
There are also several ship pictures and other ship/nautical paraphanalia in almost ever inch of the house. If it isn't one of my nephews toys and it is in our house, chances are it has a ship on it. But they are pretty neat to look at.

My REAL doggie Chachi

Not my dog, exactly. But here's the real thing.

Interesting Flacts and Fligures

I don't have any doggy pictures yet. I'm a bad bad dog owner. He pretty much looks exactly like this however. Only with blue colar. And our grass isn't as nice.

I thought some of you might like this. My dad got it from his cousin or some family member out on the east coast. I don't know where he got it from. He may have written it himself but my dad didn't know.

Quotes from Republicans when Clinton committed troops to Bosnia:

“You can support the troops but not the president.”
–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“Well, I just think it’s a bad idea. What’s going to happen is they’re
going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years.”
–Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

“Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may
come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their
life?”
–Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

“[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military might
on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit
strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will
cost. And he has not informed our nation’s armed forces about how long
they will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound
foreign policy.”
–Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)

“American forei! gn policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the
administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign
policy.”
–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they
have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy.”
–Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush

“I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . I
didn’t think we had done enough in the diplomatic area.”
–Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

“I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it
is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just
learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with
very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later,
these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of
engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition
of victory. There is no cont! ingency plan for mission creep. There is
no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our
over-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vital
national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war
when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan
today”
–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“Victory means exit strategy, and it’s important for the President to
explain to us what the exit strategy is.”
–Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

Funny thing is, we ended that war without a single American killed in
action.

Last night I was going back and forth between House and My name is Earl and then The Office came on and oh my goodness it was difficult to just watch one show. On the one hand, I love new season time but on the other hand it is hard to choose between the ones I know I like and these new fangled shows. So I end up missing bits and peices of both because I get caught up and forget to change back to other one. It is just AWFUL. I tell you what. At least the people displaced by the hurricane who don't have TVs don't have to go through this mix of heaven and hell.

Doggs and Bloggs

I have a dog! Well, not really. My nephew has a dog. Well, actually, my brother has a dog. Chachi is his name and he is a puppy puppy doggy doggy. He is a chocolate lab and he is very sweet and very cute and a very gooooood dooooooggy. But he has a pooping problem. And a peeing problem. But who doesn't? He is learning quickly though. He has very pretty greeny hazel eyes that I can gaze into for hours on end.

In other news, my grandma sent this joke to me, as grandmothers are want to do. "Q: What is George Bush's opinion on Roe vs Wade? A: He doesn't care how people get out of new orleans." Ha Ha Ha!!! Also, my aunt tuney baloony's friend Charlie Varley (his real name, not my aunt's real name) is a photographer and he was taking pictures in new orleans during all this stuff. He sent my aunt this really great email that she sent us that was a very detailed account of some of the stuff going on and now one of his pictures is on the cover of newsweek. Isn't that cool? I met him when I was living with my sister down in Palo Alto. We drove up to Berkely and went out to eat with him. I don't think he liked me very much.

Also, I applied for this totally awsome job that I totally hope I get. It is more money, better benefits and fewer hours. How could I pass that up??? Well? How could I? It is as a building coordinator for the education building at the hospital. They do all the seminars and support groups and stuff there. They have a medical library and a big lecture hall and I would be scheduling all the meetings and stuff. It sounds like fun. Good clean hospital job fun.

The 2 reviews for the play I'm in now say that I "effectively" portray my roles and that I "confidantly" portray my roles. Glowing reviews, I tell you what. I'm never acting again.

Plop Plop

Justin decided it was time for me to post again and I thought, "Well darnitall if he isn't right!" So here goes something. Hmmm... We got a new phone system at work today and it is awsome! Awsome enough to make me not hate my job as much for now at least. So there's that, which is nice. My play opens this next week. Friday is the official opening night but we have an invited dress on Monday and two previews on Wed and Thurs of next week. My aunt katty the nun is going to go see it with my folks on Sat. 9/3. I haven't seen aunt katty since I was like a sophomore in highschool. I like her though. She is a nun. I wasn't even baptised. It'll be an interesting visit. A little catholocism never hurt anyone if taken in small doses.

I saw pictures of the superdome roof falling down on poor wet people trying to sleep during a hurricane. Now they are being bussed to the astrodome. Good thing we have a lot of domes in the south. I had a very scary dream the other day that there were huge waves breaking just south of where I live and we could see the water rushing in. It was very brown dirty water because it had passed over like hundred of miles to get to where I live. But we were all seeking out higher ground and some guy jumped up into a tree and broke off a big branch for me when I said that I can't swim very well. And then this really huuuuuge wave came up over the horizen and I said, "oh my god, we are all going to die." and it was a really weird feeling. Anyway, I woke up and I was realy disoriented and confused because it was so real and frightening.
It looked just like this only the water was brown.


Let me tell you, water moves really fast and is really scary. I should know, I was in a dream tsunami. Which reminds me. I had this boyfriend a while back. I won't name any names but lets just call him Sandy Bleaster. He used to have nightmares about tsunamis all the time. How funny. I used to think that was the weirdest thing to have scary dreams about but I don't remember having a dream that was this real and scary in a long long time.

Anyway, I hope all the people I know who know people in New Orleans or thereabouts are okay and that the people that they know are okay and that everyone knows where everyone is. Maybe Bush will start a war agains Global Warming Eco-Terrorism and we can send those hurricanes back to the dark ages like we done did to all those A-rabs. Shouldn't there be a way for us to discipate hurricanes while they are over the ocean before they hit land? Can we H-bomb them or something?

I'm reading Middlesex by some greek guy about some greek people. It is really good. It is really making my want to go to Greece, specifically Cyprus. For, lets say, something like, oh I don't know, a wedding????