January 29, 2007

I am a bad mean girl

If I had tags I would tag this post "bitchy and/or immature responses to perfectly respectable requests" and it would be grouped with the previous post about the national honor society. I think I found my writing niche. Making fun of stuff and people. I know it SOUNDS obvious but it took a lot of soul searching to find.

So in the continuing saga of my newly formed obsession with Mick LaSalle, who I mostly dislike, I add the following tidbits. By the way, when I told my mom that I've been reading Mick LaSalle's blog she said, "you hate Mick LaSalle" because I've really disliked him since I was like 10. And in a separate instance I told my dad about some post I read of Mick's and my dad said, "But you hate Mick LaSalle." And so I guess I really must have talked about it a lot at some point in my life. I didn't even realize it.

A while back he wrote about anxiety nightmares, mentioning specifically "the actor's nightmare," and asked his readers to comment about their own anxiety nightmares. I wrote this:

I get the actors nightmare about once a month also but only when I haven't been in a play for a while. And it is almost always a musical and I can never find my costume and I can never remember the dance steps or the lyrics. Or I know the songs just not the lines in between. The other recurring dream for me is the sports nightmare. Mine usually involves a soccer game where my team literally has to play up a hill while the other team has the advantage of playing downhill. And I can't tell my feet what to do.

To which, amongst a reply to a few of the comments, Mick wrote:

Now on your nightmares. Highly enjoyable reading: The various forms of being paralyzed while crossing the street or trying to save someone -- I haven't had those specifically, but I understand them.

The playing soccer uphill one -- this is what happens when parents force their kids to play soccer. This is damaging, folks. You need to put them in front of the TV when they come home from school and let them watch "F Troop" like they did in the good old days.

I like the naked teacher dream. I never had a microwave nightmare, but that's a good one, too.

Needless to say, I felt warm and acknowledged. And then what do I do? I become a horrible bitch to prove that I don't care about Mick's acknowledgment. He recently wrote something about a list of favorite things EVER and I personally think the whole listing of things is SOOOO 2000. It is like soooooo Y2K. Remember? Remember when everything was all about the best movies OF THE CENTURY and the best books OF THE CENTURY. And every since then it is just been a constant repetition of the best of the best of lists. Here is Mick's assignment:

OK, so -- here are the categories, 28 of them. Please list your favorite EVER in each category. You also have the option to list ONE honorable mention. And really, try to keep it to One. Feel free to skip categories.
Movie
Play
Film Director
TV Show
TV Movie or Mini-series
Playwright
Album
Novel
Short Story
Novelist
Composer
Classical Piece
Opera
Actor
Actress
Dancer
Beatle
Poet
Non-Fiction Book
Painting
Singer
Sculpture
Architectural Structure
Pope
Philosopher
Dixie Chick
Marx Brother


After seeing that this post of his got like 47 times more comments than is regular posts do, it was easy to see that people really really really wanted Mick and his readers to know how cool they are. This struck me as lame and dumb and also stupid. So I posted this:


Maybe I am selfish and jaded and a bitch but I can't imagine anyone else in the world caring about any of the lists here except the person who wrote them. And that includes Mick's. This is on par with the Adam's Family/Munsters debate. (my note: this was another stupid lame idea of his that there are two types of people, those who like the Addams family and those who like The Munsters)Or was it Elvis people and Beatles people? Or was it cat people and dog people? Ugh.

Play-Our Town! Yay!
Film Director-Steven Spielberg!
TV Show-Friends!
TV Movie or Mini-series-Tuesdays with Morrie!
Playwright-Shakespeare!
Album-Sgt Pepper!
Novel-The Unbearable Lightness of Being! Yay!
Short Story-The Lottery!
Novelist-Alice Sebold! Yay!
Composer-Mozart!
Classical Piece-Beethoven's 5th!
Opera-Carmen with Beyonce!
Actor-Tom Cruz or Tom Hanks. I just can't decide!
Actress-Marilyn Monroe or Julia Roberts! Yay!
Dancer-Paula Abdul!
Beatle-John was the coolest one because, well, he just was!(also he died and that was so sad.)Poet-Maya Angelou! Yay!
Non-Fiction Book-A Million Little Pieces-James Frey! Yay!
Painting-Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by George Seurat because that was in that musical Sunday in the Park with George! Yay!
(So many people had this on their lists)
Singer-Whitney Houston or Billy Joel. I can't decide! Maybe Edith Piaf or Josephine Baker or Greta Garbo if I'm trying to impress people!
Sculpture-The Thinker! Yay!
Architectural Structure-The Golden Gate Bridge! or the Statue of liberty. America is great! Yay!!!
Pope-Ye. Popeye. Get it? Ha ha! I answered a crazy answer because this question was silly and crazy!Philosopher-Plato! Double Yay!
Dixie Chick-Dixie Carter! or one of the other three. It doesn't matter! Yay!
Marx Brother - Karl! Ha Ha! Another funny joke!
I guess this proves that I am a bitch.

Am I the crazy one here? Or are these lists the stupidest things ever. I think it says something that Mick had originally thought of this list thing as a piece in the pink section of the Chronicle but "nobody was interested." I guess blogs are great places for frustrated writers to go virtually unedited and to use all the stupid ideas that didn't make it into print. And judging by the response of the the commenters, people really really like talking about themselves. Big Freaking Surprise!!! Here are some of the responses to my comment:

Amandapants, I'm having a fun time reading other people's lists.The great thing about blogging is that it is totally voluntary. If you don't like the thing people are commenting about, it is ridiculously easy to NOT participate.Or you could just complain about the process and mock other people for having participated.

and

Amandapants list is the same list Jessica Simpson submitted.

and

Dear Amandapants: I've been checking back regularly to scan the lists. It's fun to notice people who list favorites of mine, or least favorites of mine, or surprising choices. I'm being reminded of art I love and made curious about things I'm unfamiliar with. It's funny - I've never been a big fan of Mick's movie reviews, but I really do enjoy his blog - largely because of his active, sincere invitation to his readers to participate.

and the best one

Amandapants: I care about your list. It is a wonderful list. It is, in fact, my favorite-ist list. I'm asking Mick to include "List" in his next questionnaire so I can vote for yours. Dixie Cupps would have been good, too, BTW.

If you want to read all the lists, here is the website: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/mlasalle/detail?blogid=38&entry_id=13008

And before you say anything, Marya, I am fully aware that I have completely turned into my father and my uncle.

7 comments:

zolita said...

As long as you're aware. I, myself, don't specifically remember YOU talking about Mick LaSalle, but I do remember Mom and Dad both at various times reading a review of his and saying, "Mandy HATES Mick LaSalle!" With enormous pride. Because expressing virulent dislike is always to be commended! I actually tend to agree with most of LaSalle's reviews. He might be my favorite reviewer in the Pinko section. I especially appreciate his review of The New World.

marbledog said...

Who is Mick LaSalle? And don't tell me to read his blog. I don't have time to read blogs.

My favorite thing to NOT do: reading other peoples blogs (except Mndykns's blog, of course)

Anonymous said...

"I guess blogs are great places for frustrated writers to go virtually unedited and to use all the stupid ideas"

yes, indeedy.

apants said...

to be clear in reference to the comment above, I was aware of the irony of writing this statement in my own blog and am completely aware that I am a frustrated writer and that I use this blog to blather on and on about completely irrelevant things.

Anonymous said...

Don't justify yourself.

marbledog said...

Mandy, is Kerri back on your blog again? Looks like it.

apants said...

I don't think it was her. I checked her Portland times and they don't match up. I think it was just some random sfgate reader. And I might have read too much into the comment because I am ultra defensive and because I thought it was Kerri too. I prefer questionably snarky comments from complete strangers than from her.